The Big Update 😬

I want to fill you in on what’s happening in my life, AND I want to give you fair warning: it’s a LOT.

Since the last time I’ve written, I laid my mom to rest and my dad has been diagnosed with the same cancer that my mom just died from.

You aren’t required to know what to say to these circumstances, because WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY TO THAT? I don’t know what to say to it, and I’M LIVING IT.

While I don’t know exactly what this year’s work will look like because I’ve been thrown into Grief and Cancer Navigation Mode, I *do* want to keep talking to you.

We are trained to go quiet with grief, to go to our therapists with grief, and to move on quickly from grief. I intend to be loud and tell everyone and take as long as it takes. 😉

PODCAST EPISODES CREATED WHILE RIDING THE WAVES OF WHATEVER MY LIFE IS RN:

👉🏻 In ‘Internals and putting mom in the ground,’ I talk about why the day I laid my Mom to rest was NOT as difficult as ANY day of my late twenties. (I swear to you, it’s true, and I’ll tell you why when you listen.)

👉🏻 In ‘Doom and Gloom,’ I tell a story about my Dad that both makes me laugh and shows you exactly where I deeply censor myself in my work. (As always, I’m sharing because the odds of you censoring yourself in the same place are quite high.)

WHAT YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW:

First: you don’t have to know what to say. Permission to not have a clue, granted.

Second: snail mail always, always helps. Just shoot me an email and I’ll send you my snail mail address.

Letters, cards, artworks by small children or pets, letters, magazine clippings, pieces of art, and general nonsense are deeply welcome.

If you wanna go next level, here is a list of things you can send me that will delight me at the moment.

Some are quite small and frivolous, some are enormous. Some are just Doordash to get through this time. I’ve included the full range so that you can see what making an effort to delineate my desires looks like, even from a space of pain. Perhaps it can inspire you to share your desires with others when you find yourself in a season of merde.

Finally: I love you, please don’t send platitudes.

So long as you’re not sending me the ol’ ‘everything happens for a reason’ or other vague lines to explain away my feelings of loss, you’re giving me space to grieve. I appreciate that so very much.

Thanks for reading, for listening, and for being one of my peeps. I treasure your presence in my life more than you could possibly know at this moment.

Hugs,
K

defeat asshole brain, listen to the podcast

Places the patriarchy is still strong within me (and probably you too, dammit)

When I sent a list of possible podcast topics to my peeps, this is what you all chose: Places The Patriarchy Is Still Strong Within Me (and probably you too, dammit)!

In this episode of That’s What She Said, I’ll walk you through many of the places I’m actively working to extract patriarchal conditioning from my being.

This podcast episode is a walk through trust and vulnerability. It’s a revealing of the places where I’m actively working, not of places I’ve 100% mastered. It’s a reckoning with the fact that unlearning is a process, not a destination, as well as an active celebration of all the places where I’ve gained ground, claimed victory, and kicked ass.

Spoiler alert, the 7 areas I’m working to clear are my inner voice, spoken voice, body, apologies, asking, imagination, and witch wound. (You’ll have to listen for all the details!)

I hope that listening to it leaves you feeling more hopeful, more connected, and less alone than when you started.

This is less How to Fix/Solve X — and more a journey through the places where what we think is OUR PROBLEM ALONE is actually A MASSIVE SOCIETAL PROBLEM WITH NO CLEAR SOLUTION. 😉

P.S. My Receive breathwork class is an ideal place to start reclaiming your body, breath, and the critical feeling of your own worthiness to receive.

listen to the podcast, read a poem

How to make it to work each morning

Ignore the deteriorating institutions
leaving crumbs in your breakfast.

Clear the tendrils of capitalism
from your throat, your mind,
your body, your gaze.

Make peace with the many greeds
in which you are complicit.

Lower your inner drawbridge
so that others may experience
your vast, shining heart.

Pay no mind to the judgments
you level against yourself
when you are tired or lonely or hurting.

Hum softly when you happen upon
a puppy or a flower
or even an adult!
who hasn’t given up living
just yet.

Revel in the aliveness
you find hidden
everywhere, everywhere,
everywhere.

You can also listen in as I read this to you!

P.S. Many, many more of my poems live here, or you can buy my book of poetry here.

make meaning

These are all the words I have right now.

I’m certain you’ve already read many, many, MANY words about what’s been happening in the United States over the past week.

I’m sure you’ve seen many graphic carousels of ways to be helpful, and also, I am certain…

You have many, many feelings within you about everything that’s happening.

There’s an indignity and complete lack of humanity

embedded within capitalism

that means we have to push, strive, hustle, and show up

when our hearts are broken,

when our rights are stripped from our bodies,

when the FATE OF THE PLANET ITSELF

has just been legislated away.

There are many, many calls to action on the planet right now: everything seems to be burning.

AND.

THIS SENTENCE HAS TAKEN TEN YEARS OF WRESTLING WITH DEPRESSION TO CREATE, PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY:

Asshole brain defaults to three categories of thoughts when it wants to take away your power: ‘you’re too much,’ ‘you’re not enough,’ and ‘why bother.’

NOW IS FOR SURE A ‘WHY BOTHER’ MOMENT.

Your brain will whisper that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do about the various dumpster fires burning on the world stage right now.

Instead of following that ‘why bother’ line of thinking, please do something revolutionary: feel your feelings.

Without access to your feelings, you’re locked in a cage of numbness that grows sharper and tighter every day.

Let your rage become the fire that leads you to action.

Let your sadness guide you to extremely articulate visions for your society and for the world at large.

Let your worry and fear help you crystallize the actions you ARE going to take, the things that DO matter to you, and the people and places you will do everything in your power to protect.

In other words, for the next few weeks, as you watch the world spin even faster and as you grow more and more overwhelmed…please feel.

You are not ‘overreacting.’

You are not ‘too much.’

You are not ‘being dramatic.’

With yesterday’s supreme court ruling, we are talking about THE DEATH OF THE ENTIRE PLANET AND EVERY BEING ON IT.

There is NO amount of yelling or stomping or raging or crying you can personally do that would be ‘too much’ for this situation.

Western cultures label nearly ALL expression of emotion ‘too much’ – it’s why ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ might be the U.K.’s greatest export – when, in fact, we are not feeling NEARLY ENOUGH.

When we feel deeply and fully, we pass through the overwhelm of sensations and into clarity, purpose, and wholeness.

When we (try to) amputate our feelings, we grow more numb, more distract-able, and more complacent in every aspect of our lives.

We lose access to our intuition and our deepest knowing.

We hand our power to those who ABSOLUTELY DO NOT DESERVE IT.

We accept poems from those in power instead of FIERCE, DIRECTED ACTION.

Whatever else you do right now – whichever actions feel deeply aligned and meaningful in this time – I beg you to feel your feelings.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG IN YOUR RAGE.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG IN YOUR GRIEF.

YOU ARE NOT WRONG IN YOUR FEAR,

YOUR WORRY, YOUR PAIN, YOUR HORROR.

YOU.

ARE.

NOT.

WRONG.

Let’s stop gaslighting ourselves out of feeling and out of our own bodies, pretending that we best serve the world when we have merely kept calm and carried on.

Please, please, PLEASE find a safe way to lose your shit.

(If you don’t know what that means or how that might work, give breathwork a try. There are both free and paid breathwork classes available from yours truly right here.)

It’s only with our bodies, feelings, and intuition intact that we can BEGIN to comprehend next moves, strategic plans, and whatever it will take to navigate the coming months.

With you, with you, with you –

K

P.S. This poem wanted to come along for the ride:

Hope is so goddamn heavy

There are days when we manage

to ignore the crumbling

around us, the creak of systems

falling and failing, the latest news promising

more unprecedented events,

more dire circumstances,

more shortages,

more disease.

And there are days when we don’t,

can’t, won’t. When it’s all too much

and we turn to each other,

our hearts laid open, to ask

for help and care and please please

don’t leave me here

in this mess

alone.

We prop up our best hopes –

sometimes only an atom or two between us,

last of our reserves —

the smallest feast worth sharing,

and in that small glow

we lock eyes.

(If nothing else, right then,

we are not alone.)

listen to the podcast

Confessions

These podcasts are 150% an experiment.

What happens if I don’t have a meticulous plan with bullet points and a perfect transcript before I begin talking?

What happens if I’m FAR more honest and revealing than is strictly comfortable, trusting that I’ll be well held by those who listen?

What if I can, by revealing the most inward emotions and thoughts of my being at this moment, find those EXACT emotions and thoughts in you, thereby helping you feel far less alone?

What if I tell you what I’m wrestling with, and what I’ve been keeping hidden from myself (and therefore you), and what I’m working on before it’s 100% done?

And what if it’s all recorded while I’m pulled over to the side of the road in my car in a single take?

THAT’S THE CONFESSIONS SERIES OF PODCASTS.

This is the most vulnerable series of podcasts I’ve ever created.

In this series, we walk from OMG I’M MAKING A THING!!!! to starting the thing, to freaking out about doing the thing, to having completed the thing, week by week.

These are the spaces created by beginning with the word “Confession” and going from there.

They are not ‘useful’ in the sense of having been plotted, tweaked, and carefully crafted.

They are DEEPLY ‘useful’ if you value honesty, want to feel less alone, or have been numbing, muting, or martyring yourself throughout these pandemic years.

Confessions! Starving Souls & Lotto Tickets

Confessions! On Crying & Joy Infections

Confessions! The Tumor & The Witness

Confessions! The Shame and The Not-Useful

Confessions! The Damage and the Dare

Confessions! Weak Ties & The Everything Bagel 🥯

Confessions! The Urgency of Now and CRUSHING it

Confessions! The Social Media Sermon

Confessions! The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Taken

Confessions! What if I’m NOT an expert?

I hope these episodes shake the dust from your soul, affirm your feelings, and sweep away your loneliness.

👉🏻Let me know what you think by shooting an email to k@kristenkalp.com — or send me a note right here.

P.S. If you feel compelled to work with me, HOLY HELL TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE. Yes, I *do* have secret offerings only available to those who talk to me! 😉

The Imaginarium is coming up this Fall in Philly, details here!