Posts in "make meaning" Category — Page 15

How to break boxes and set yourself free.

Sometimes we’re sailing along smoothly in life and then we hit what feels like a wall.
An impenetrable wall that we can’t see around or through or under.

We’ve come to the corners of our own boxes —
the boxes we’ve made that no longer fit, or work — and it hurts.

It hurts to feel the confines you’ve created close around you.
It hurts to know the boundaries you’ve created no longer serve you.
Hell, it even hurts to watch.

The clients no longer fit.
The business feels off.
The dreams have gone stale.
The relationship took its dying breath a few miles back.

In these moments, pressed against those walls and desperate,
the only thing that can possibly help is the hard work of breaking our own boxes.

The hard, hard work of shattering the ways we’ve come to shape the world that no longer work.

We’ve all been here.
We’ve all seen the work we need to do to move forward.

So we get rid of this, we move that — and we can breathe again.

But here’s where we get hung up.

Instead of going about our own work, our own box-breaking and cage-smashing,
we watch people who seem to be soaring
and think we’ve got it all wrong.

We get caught on a jealousy trip or a comparison train.
We get endlessly sidetracked from our work
by watching the people who are committed to breaking their own boxes.

We’re not jealous of what they have, we’re jealous of the
courage they have to keep on
smashing what isn’t working to smithereens.

But we’re just as capable as they are of rearranging our mental furniture, frequently and ruthlessly.

The book — gone.
The project? No more.
The final product? Tweaked.
And THAT?! Gone forever.

By breaking the boxes that no longer work — in business and in life —
we’re free to explore the wide open expanse
of human experience.

So go smash some boxes.
Go liberate your freaking heart.

Go free yourself.

P.S. I’m happy to help you break boxes via business coaching — and don’t you dare settle for fine.

deal with depression, make meaning

Beyond the Breakers

The waves are pounding over us as we swim like crazy. It feels like we’re making absolutely no progress, but our arms are flailing as hard and fast as we can get them to go. I’ve got water up my nose, dripping from every part of my body, and leaking onto my lips. It’s salty and I’m scared. But you can’t stop or it’s all over. I focus on her surfboard, ten feet in front of mine, and keep paddling like a maniac.

When we get beyond the breakers but the waves are still pushing at us, she yells, “Is this what being in business is like?” And I yell, “Yup!” And we both keep paddling.

In surfing, your first job is to get beyond the breakers. You stop paddling, the waves consume you. You pause to look at the size of a wave, and the loss of momentum rips you off the board. You get tilted sideways, your board flips and you have to begin the whole process again.

When you’re in business, your job each day is to get beyond the breakers.

To get past the waves of doubt and overwhelm and fear that seem endless. The waves of “What do I do now?” and “I suck” and “There’s so much to do” and “i can’t possibly do THAT” and “No way” and “That’s too scary.”

Those waves feel endless. They aren’t. They mean you’re not beyond the breakers yet.

Beyond the breakers, the sea is calm. The sea kelp waves gently to you: hello, hello.

Beyond the breakers, you can actually sit up. You can take in the horizon line. You can get your bearings. You can see what else is in the water.

And only then, when you’ve taken a moment to soak in the view, do you ride the wave to shore and start the whole process again.

So if you’re tired, if you’re overwhelmed, if it feels like you haven’t gotten a moment’s rest from the furious tirades of your brain — trust. Trust that the breakers end. Trust that there’s calm and perspective after the waves.

P.S. 10 ways to make space for things that actually matter.

come alive, make meaning, sell more of your work

5 ways to stop avoiding money so much

As a business owner, you have to deal with money every day in some way or another. But that doesn’t mean you and money are friendly, or even that you and money pay much attention to one another when it isn’t work related. Um. I get it.

In the category of “Things I hide from the rest of the world for $200,” Alex, I’ll take: I grew up in a trailer. Which, not surprisingly, means I grew up in a constant state of “not enough” around money. I hated the thrift stores where we had to shop. I hated that I couldn’t buy the newest jeans or the latest trends and that our books came from the library instead of the bookstore. I resented my used bed linens, my used furniture, and the used magazines Mom picked up for a dime at the Salvation Army. (Seventeen magazine from three months ago is NOT helpful to your developing thirteen-year-old self, thankyouverymuch.)

When I struck out on my own after college, I made a point of buying everything new. So long as it came with the pricetag still on, I was ready to buy it. And restaurants? After years of living in a town so freaking remote that food delivery simply did not exist, I ordered pizza and Chinese food and more pizza with abandon. I embraced my not-love of cooking. I bought new, shiny stuff. I ran rampant over my credit cards and opened more and made a big freaking mess.

Thus, I moved from a place of “not enough”ness around money to a place of sheer and utter denial of debt. Because I am a genius.

I ignored the problem for years, making minimum payments and embracing my good fortune as business took off.

Eventually, I paid off all the cards. Yay! But that doesn’t mean I paid attention to money in any sort of healthy, ongoing way. I clearly defined my money in one of two ways: “enough” or “not enough.” All those smart, intelligent investments I could be making and all those Roth IRAs I could be starting and…::head hits desk, snoring::

I avoided money like my Mom avoids rock concerts. It was there, sure, but I was NOT gonna pay too much attention to it. That stuff had the power to put me in a trailer again. It was much too powerful to manage, so I would just avoid, avoid, avoid…

A few things have changed recently.

Money Not-Avoider Practice #1: Get a money professional in your life. Namely, an accountant.

One: my accountant made me take a monthly salary instead of merely acting like I had taken a monthly salary at tax time. Karl is sure I’m getting the same paycheck every month, which means I can make an actual budget instead of having my income swing wildly from $14,000 to $.07. As you might guess, that’s great! And then awful! And so the cycle of avoidance continues…until you hire someone who loves spreadsheets and tax law to handle that shit for you. Then you’re less stressed and freaked out about everything dollars-and-cents related.

If you’re not ready for an accountant or don’t know where to start, listen to this interview with Connie Vanderzanden. Right now, please, she’s brilliant!

Money Not-Avoider Practice #2: check your credit score.

If you avoid money, you also avoid checking your credit score. (How did I KNOW, right!?)

That’s where Credit Karma comes into play. It’s SUPER fast and easy, and you can use the happy little credit simulator to see what happens if you’re good for the next six months — and what happens if you miss payments and try to open too many new credit cards. Without handing over your credit card and secretly paying God-knows-what surprise fees. I’m not an affiliate for them or anything, so if you’ve got a credit score waiting for you as a bonus with a credit card you own, awesome! Just…knowing is the first step.

Money Not-Avoider Practice #3: the daily check-in.

Just login to your bank’s app and see how much money you have available. Easy, right? (HA that’s a joke! This is SO HARD at first, until….it isn’t.)

This practice keeps you aware without actually having to DO much of anything. The goal is to be less afraid of your money, and checking in every day does just that — it’s exposure therapy meets daily attention.

Money Not-Avoider Practice #4: get grateful.

While the banking app is open, name three things you’re grateful for at the same time. That sounds woo woo as shit, but it’s actually training yourself to associate money with good things. (Because money avoiders don’t associate money with good things, and we can fix it!)

Money Not-Avoider Practice #5: make a date.

Finally, there’s the monthly money date. This is a time to batch your money concerns, attentions, and plans into one 2-hour block of time. It’s just you, your money, and the reward of your choice after you’ve spent some quality time together.

Maybe your reward is a glass of wine, maybe it’s a nice dinner, maybe it’s a trip to the bookstore and you’re not allowed to touch any books until you’ve paid your bills, checked on your accounts, and made a money plan for the next month.

A money date means you’re committed to your financial paying-attention-ness. Doesn’t mean you need to start investing or busting out the C3-RH-22b stock options.

You’re starting to pay attention. And you’re not avoiding money any longer. Those are VERY good places to start.

P.S. Money blocks aren’t your problem.

come alive, make meaning

This two-minute activity doubles your yearly vacation time.

Have you ever had a friend say, “I have to go to work tomorrow” on Sunday night and thought, “Not me!” because you’ve planned to take the day off? Then you already know the happy little jig your business-owning-heart does when your time is your own.

Being time-wealthy (YUP that’s a crappy term but you the idea) means you feel your time is your own.

You can think straight, you can work out, you can watch TV, you can whatever you damn well please with your time. The more frequently you can do that, the more time-wealthy you are — and the more likely your friends are to be a little jealous.

Time and energy are what make the enjoyment of actual dollars possible, as any entrepreneur who’s had just a tad of extra money but no time to enjoy it knows well.

Here’s how to get yourself more time for what you love — and that includes downtime in which you do absolutely nothing, the magical yet unattainable unicorn of time usage for most of humanity.

First, forget that Candy Crush exists. That game is a hungry little asshat that will eat your day for breakfast. Seriously, though — you know you gotta start scheduling your time. Not your days, if you’re not ready for that — but at least your breaks. That’s right, your breaks.

Schedule your vacations, trips, conferences, and camps FIRST, months upon months in advance.

This is counter-intuitive, since you’re more likely to schedule tomorrow than six months from now when you open your calendar. But the more you can get in the habit of scheduling vacations, annual trips, birthday parties, weekend retreats, and breaks from work, the more likely they are to actually happen.

Tally up the amount of vacation time you’re enjoying this calendar year, then double it for next year and start crossing off dates.

There’s no harm in blocking off a chunk of time for camping or hiking or a spa weekend in May right now. Months before it happens, just make space for it. Decide you’re not going to clutter that time with other stuff. Period. Same goes for that road trip you’ve been talking about, or your second visit to Harry Potter World, or whatever it is you’d love to experience on this big wide planet. My peeps are travelers, so don’t ask as if you don’t long to take time for exploring.

This is how to do it: plan it out. You don’t have to book it right now — you just have to make enough time for the booking to happen in the coming months.

You also have to give yourself permission to believe it’s possible.

Easy for you to say Kristen, you don’t…wait wait wait, right there. I’ve made enough space in my schedule and my business to spend nine weeks in Kenya, so don’t be coming at me like that! It’s not easy to make that kind of time, but it is worthwhile. Since you’re more likely to be blocking off 3 to 10 days at a time, refuse to make excuses. Things will come up. Something urgent will step in and you’ll consider caving to practicality. Please, don’t.

Making time to grow, to explore, and to enjoy life is the very point of living in the first place.

Just grab your pen and make some big X’s in your calendar. Transfer ’em to your calendar app of choice, and you’re a whole lot time-richer than you were when we started.

People FREAK on me when I tell them this, saying it’s not this easy! There are bills to pay, jobs to manage, a business or two to run, and children to care for! How DARE I!?!?!? (Note extra-mad usage of !!! and ???? combined in !?!?!)

Allow me to suggest that you didn’t become an entrepreneur because you wanted to work 50 or 60 or 80 hours a week, every week, for the rest of your life in your business.

You wanted to get good enough at being in business that you could experience a wealth of time as well as achieving some form of financial freedom. There are a billion excuses to avoid taking this calendar-clearing step, but I encourage you to mark up your calendar anyway.

You don’t have to have pet care or health care or childcare or passports or rent or airfare sorted out when you put the word “GREECE” on the calendar extra large with a smiley face — you just have to make the space for it to happen during that chunk of time. You can do this.

P.S. Making space isn’t limited to vacation time!

Photo // my own, from antics captured with Flying Kites in Njabini, Kenya

figure out what you want, make meaning

Adventures in single-tasking (and other sanity shortcuts)

It’s just after 8 on a Sunday morning. I’ve stumbled into the kitchen, groggy-eyed, and been given a freshly-made cup of tea. I accept the chai and immediately ask, “What can I do? How can I help?”

Auntie Rebecca looks at me knowingly. She eyes my very-American self and says, “There is an African saying: you cannot blow mucus and laugh at the same time. Sit, relax, enjoy. Then we will worry about work.”

Okay then! Mucus-blowing aside, Kenyans are master single-taskers. I’ve found them to be mindful at a level that we have long since left behind in the States. When they drink chai, they drink chai. When they sit by the fire, wash clothes, chop vegetables, talk with one another…they are simply sitting by the fire, washing clothes, chopping vegetables, or talking with one another. No matter the task, they are doing only that one task.

While this means things don’t get done at the Wonder-Woman-level speeds I’m used to, I’m consciously taking on my own adventures in single-tasking. In the past few days, I’ve planted potatoes, read chapters of Twelve by Twelve, napped, edited photos, pulled up overgrown kale to make room for more, held kids tightly, answered e-mail, extracted a hefty Tickle Tax from kids on the bus, and eaten meals with singular focus.

This moment: never before, never again. Then this one, and then this one.

You don’t have to sink into a multi-month-long Kenyan adventure to experience single-tasking, so here are quick ways to single-task in your day-to-day life. I promise you’ll feel clearer and less stressed after giving even one of these suggestions a try!

Forget browser tabs.

Remember 1998, when we were so fascinated by all the things the internet could do — and it could do only one thing at a time? Remember when browser tabs didn’t exist?

I didn’t. Then I landed here. The internet in Kenya is so slow that browser tabs are entirely useless (dividing teeny bandwidth into tabs = even teenier bandwidth) so forced internet single-tasking happens. Focusing on just one thing at a time means I check e-mail faster, catch up on Facebook goings-on more easily, and blog more quickly than when I’m bouncing between five to ten browsers.

Put your phone in airplane mode.

If you need an hour to write, to work on projects, to edit photos, or to catch up on a meeting with a vendor, this is the quickest shortcut to sanity I know. Just put your phone in airplane mode and voila! You are no longer available.

When you find that this practice makes you feel lighter and lets you breathe more deeply, feel free to create “office hours” in which you are unavailable at regular times each week.

👉🏻If screen usage is your arch nemesis, Space will help you cut your phone time by 50% or more. (That’s an average of 14 hours regained PER WEEK.)

Take a true break for meals.

A true break, meaning you take twenty minutes to sit down and eat. Not eat and watch TV, or eat and check e-mail, or eat and play Angry Birds, or eat and get caught up on homework…just eat.

I’m famous for scarfing down food while going about my day at home, but the choice to fill my plate and then chat with the kids when they get home from school has slowed me down considerably on this front.

Shower consciously.

Instead of using the shower as a time to process your eight-thousand to-do’s, consciously use the shower as a time to simply be. This doesn’t take any more time than stressing yourself out whilst bathing, but it does end with you feeling more refreshed.

As I’ve recently learned, showering consciously is effortless if you’ve gone for five days without one — the pure joy of water and soap is enough to keep you focused on the present moment. 😉

Turn your computer off when you’re done with it.

Adding a conscious close to your day by turning your computer off will increase your single-tasking power tremendously. Work done, you’re free to turn to the next task at hand. (Talked about this issue a bit more in how to work from home without losing your mind if you’re curious…)

I’ve resisted each of these practices over the past few weeks. But. The more I sink into them and allow myself to take on just one task at a time, the happier I’ve felt here in my home away from home.

P.S. Want to take these practices even further? Reclaim your energy, become a quitter.