Kristen Kalp Article Archive

The rabbit hole: every article, ever.

This is The Antidote.
There's this overwhelming pressure women put on themselves to do MORE with LESS. We're striving for more engagement, more hustle, more productivity, and more impact.. ...with less time, less energy, less enthusiasm, less sleep, and less support than ever before. When 💩 hits the fan, we push ourselves HARDER to keep going. The impulse is correct: when things are dire, we have to keep going. And the impulse is also programmed: when things are dire, women are trained to skip fueling up because WE NEED TO KEEP GOING. IT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER, DON'T YOU SEE??? HOW COULD WE WORRY ABOUT RESTING AT A TIME LIKE THIS!???? We collectively pretend we're doing GREAT with 4 hours of sleep, 3 deep breaths, and an endless supply of lattes. In reality, we're STARVING. We're starving for rest and calm. We're starving for a sense of connection to our fellow humans. We're starving ...
Dance of the Heretic 💃🏼
My past year has basically been a tour of everywhere that you do not want to go as a human: loss, failure, loneliness, detachment, existential angst, grief, both parents' cancer, and fear. AND I'M STILL HERE. This episode of That's What She Said details the ways I've moved through the time since losing my mom. Take a meander through the most devastating year of my life, embroidered with poems and tenderness and laughter. In this episode, I'll walk you through the practice that helped to reconnect me to my body, my breath, and my being when grief hit. Then, I'll share completely heretical, would-have-gotten-me-burned-at-the-stake things I've learned to help me re-establish my connection to the divine. I encourage you to embrace the bigger, larger, more profound connection to the divine that I'm detailing within this episode. It's a connection I never found in a church of any denomination, but that ...
In my IDGAF era
Last week I heckled a man with a gun. It's the PERFECT way to kick off my IDGAF era! I'll tell you the story in this episode of That's What She Said. WHAT DOES YOUR IDGAF ERA MEAN, KRISTEN? Since I started a business 15 years ago, I've made things with all of my heart and soul. I've cared about every creation so deeply that I could hardly speak about it. I then followed a general pattern of undervaluing my work, beginning to value it, and then pricing myself right out of the market as I gained confidence. It happened with photography, with ghostwriting, with straight-up writing, and with business coaching over the course of the past 15 years. Throughout time, I've consciously asked: how do I make meaning through the ways that I make money? For the first time, here's what I'm doing: I'm gonna play. I'm gonna make ...
Reporting From Toothpaste (And by toothpaste I mean burnout)
For a number of months there I felt like toothpaste. You know how, when you have toothpaste and it's in a tube, you come to the end... ...and then you roll it all the way down until eventually there's just nothing left. You don't have new toothpaste so you're just desperately pressing on the tube, like. “COME ON, GIMME SOMETHINGGGGG!!!” But there's nothing. No matter how hard you squeeze. That was my life for a number of months last year.  We could call it burnout, but that sounds so clean and easily spotted.  This was trickier. As much as I was like, "Just squeeze it harder!!!!!,” my method didn't work. If you're doing capitalism in any sort of ongoing way, you'll have your toothpaste moments when there's just...nothing left. This episode of the That's What She Said podcast is for your toothpaste moments. How do you navigate from NOTHING to ...
Rob Bell is in the house!
Come along with me for a gorgeous conversation about all things grief and joy and life and death and a new novel, Where'd You Park Your Spaceship, with the one and only Rob Bell. We talk about books and writing (what's it like to hold a world in your head?), the process of starting over and over and over (how do you JUST KEEP GOING, ROB BELL?), and why Rob's being bad at 'parking it' is a gift to you and me and him and all of us. I've been a fan-but-not-a-stan of Rob's for 9 years now, and this conversation was pure joy from beginning to end.  The delight in my voice is PALPABLE throughout. Grab the 1st 100 pages of Where'd You Park Your Spaceship here.  (SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DOWNLOAD THESE PAGES YOU'LL END UP BUYING THE BOOK.) P.S. 'Brave' is just another word for vulnerable ...
The Wall of NO (Innermost event = canceled)
I've never had an experience like this one. For 8 months, I cultivated the energy of The Innermost, checking in with it, taking notes, making plans, and generally dreaming it to life. EIGHT. MONTHS. As it came to the public, with a sales page and affiliates and general marketing, I continued to check in with it daily. There were no sales and lots of 'no's and 'no thank you's, but certainly that would change, right? And then last Tuesday, I woke up and there was no energy in the event. None. Where there had been enthusiasm and excitement and YAY LET'S DO THIS, there was simply nothing. Like a weird little void in my heart. I checked my email and found what I call the Wall of No: dozens of asks, big and small, all responded to with a no of some kind. The California No, the Firm No, the ...
Taboo Time
When you bring something entirely new to the world, it can be hard to find the words for it.  Further -- the FEEL of a live event is difficult to convey via the internets. The Innermost is as much a devoted space for exploring the taboo as it is an event -- which is why Taboo Time was born! Taboo Time is a brief podcast series featuring conversations about alllll things business taboo.  Rachel Clifton and I talk about the forbidden, the hidden, the invisible, and the ignored in business so you can FEEL what The Innermost will be like in a tangible way. Softness and revelation? Check. Deep, meaningful conversation? Check. The willingness to 'go there?' Absolutely. Listen in as we explore the taboos surrounding women and business 👇🏻 Taboo Time #1: The Lonely. Between Covid and technological advances, we are far lonelier than we've ever been as entrepreneurs.  ...
Steering Your Business with EASE
The Innermost is coming to Asbury Park, New Jersey, this November 5-7, 2023.  It's a live event designed to help you UnGoodGirl your business as quickly and painlessly as possible. BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO LEARN, YOU ASK... Let's start with the fundamentals: how to steer your business to pleasingly profitable places, no matter the circumstances. The world of owning a business is laced with ways to waste money, time, and energy ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE. You can easily waste maaaaany thousands of dollars, a few years of your life, and all the energies that cause grey hairs to emerge without making ANY real progress. Good girl conditioning makes everything about owning a business WORSE. Specifically, it makes having what you have and wanting what you want nearly impossible.  Those are the keys to navigating entrepreneurial waters cleanly and quickly. Conditioning dictates that you aren't reaaaally allowed to have what you ...
Erin clarke poetry text
Strap in, 'cause you're about to discover the greatest poet you've never heard of -- and it's my great pleasure to introduce you to Erin Clarke! I play Krista Tippett and ask questions, solicit readings of my favorite poems. Erin shows up and shines. Tune in to The Erin Clarke Poetry Hour for this episode of That's What She Said. Love Erin (and of course you do...)? Here's how to find more of her on the interwebs: Check out her website or pick up her book or become Erin's Patron now. What's that, you want the scoop without listening? Here's one of my favorite of Erin's poems from her latest book, (Im)Perfect Blooms. Do Nothing Do nothing like a lion napping in the shade, waiting for the heavy sun to drag across the sky, for the heat to abate into cool sweet darkness. Do nothing like a bird singing in ...
UnGoodGirl: Money Skills and Feels
Much of my work this year is in continuing to UnGoodGirl myself -- and then translating that transformation to all my peeps. Listen to this That's What She Said podcast episode if you're ready to dive in to ways you can begin freeing yourself from money bullshit, starting right now. We begin the UnGoodGirl podcast series with two money truths: 1. Part of good girl conditioning requires you to say "I'm not good with money," whether that's true or not. I have watched women who have paid for a house with cash or received $250k grants from NASA or gotten a full-ride scholarship to their college of choice or earned six (or 7!) figures last year say THEY ARE NOT GOOD WITH MONEY. Consider that 'I'm not good with money' is a default that's installed by good girl conditioning, not AN ACTUAL TRUTH. 2. The default money feelings available to ...
The Good, The Bad, and the Binary
In this episode of That's What She Said, we'll talk about The Good, The Bad, and the Binary.  I'll walk you through the ways the concepts of 'good' and 'bad' fail women in particular, due to our good girl conditioning. Spoiler Alert: the difference between a 'bad' girl and true evil is A SPECTRUM SO BIG THAT IT TAKES ABOUT 20 MINUTES TO DEMONSTRATE USING VIVID EXAMPLES FROM MY LIVED EXPERIENCE AS A BUSINESS COACH. You'll hear the results of THREE YEARS' worth of wrestling with these concepts come together in one 41-minute podcast episode. 👇🏻 P.S. If you've ever had your brain tell you that you should be further along by now, listen to this ...
Bruce Report #2 // PURE JOY SPAM, BABY!
2023 has gone from zero stars to a full TWO stars! ⭐️⭐️ And you can blame Bruce Springsteen. In breezy, professional speak: A new Bruce Report episode of That's What She Said is up, and it's all about my encounter with The Boss, remembering what giddy feels like, and how deeply vulnerable it is to share sheer joy. In how-I-actually-feel speak: BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND I HAD A MOMENT AND IT LOOKED LIKE THIS AND FELT LIKE THIS AND I AM STILL SMILING FROM THIS FACE (NOPE I didn't have a camera and YUP he's holding my gaze and YUP the anonymous Bruce fan who sent me this is AMAZING) AND HERE IS THE NEW BRUCE REPORT. 💥 If you're like, WAIT WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR SEEING SPRINGSTEEN? I decided to make 2023 about as much joy as I possibly could when I found out my mom was dying. Then she ...
Love Letter for Amy // 3 poems about grief
Good Girl Grief Experts have told you all about the stages of grief. You thought you were prepared for the rage, and still you are surprised to wake with fire streaming from your skin: all this anger with nowhere to go. Tamp down the flames. Hide the smoldering. You may not shout at anyone -- this isn't a school board meeting about banned books. You may not shout into the ether, either. Pretending to be fine is our ultimate pastime. Don't seethe, it puts people off. Don't just stand there, it reminds people of what you've lost. Pretend you do not want to scream. Better yet: pretend you do not want. ... Perfect. Listen in to this episode of That's What She Said as I share 3 poems about the grief of losing my mom.  This one is for Amy, whose final request as a coaching client was to, quite ...
I should be further along by now.
Let's talk about what holds us back at the deepest levels in business on a daily basis: our own minds. We need to be able to meet the present moment fully, without our asshole brains continuously telling us how far behind we are.  That's why "I should be further along by now" is such a dangerous phrase. "I should be further along by now" completely robs us of the nutrients of Now, since 'further along' is 100% future-focused. "I should be further along by now" also forces us to focus on our perceived 'failings.' No matter WHAT we accomplished today, our asshole brains can ALWAYS beat us up with how much further along a completely imagined path we 'should' be by now. Just won a Pulitzer? WHY ISN'T THIS YOUR THIRD. Just signed a $$$$ client?  SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT SIX MONTHS AGO. Just filed hellish paperwork?  ...
The Bruce Report (1/6)
Because of all that's going on in my life at the moment (catch up on my life circumstances here), I'm deeply committed to nourishing joy and delight in 2023 -- not because it's cute or nice, but because it's vital to the survival of my soul. In Bruce Report #1 of 6 in 2023, I walk you through the magic of seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert to a sold-out crowd. You don't have to like him or his music in order to enjoy what he's teaching me and what I observe when I'm part of a sold-out arena crowd. P.S. Here's where you can catch up on every episode of That's What She Said! ...
The Big Update 😬
I want to fill you in on what's happening in my life, AND I want to give you fair warning: it's a LOT. Since the last time I've written, I laid my mom to rest and my dad has been diagnosed with the same cancer that my mom just died from. You aren't required to know what to say to these circumstances, because WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY TO THAT? I don't know what to say to it, and I'M LIVING IT. While I don't know exactly what this year's work will look like because I've been thrown into Grief and Cancer Navigation Mode, I *do* want to keep talking to you. We are trained to go quiet with grief, to go to our therapists with grief, and to move on quickly from grief. I intend to be loud and tell everyone and take as long as it takes. 😉 ...
Places the patriarchy is still strong within me (and probably you too, dammit)
When I sent a list of possible podcast topics to my peeps, this is what you all chose: Places The Patriarchy Is Still Strong Within Me (and probably you too, dammit)! In this episode of That's What She Said, I'll walk you through many of the places I'm actively working to extract patriarchal conditioning from my being. This podcast episode is a walk through trust and vulnerability.  It's a revealing of the places where I'm actively working, not of places I've 100% mastered.  It's a reckoning with the fact that unlearning is a process, not a destination, as well as an active celebration of all the places where I've gained ground, claimed victory, and kicked ass. Spoiler alert, the 7 areas I'm working to clear are my inner voice, spoken voice, body, apologies, asking, imagination, and witch wound.  (You'll have to listen for all the details!) I hope that listening ...
How to make it to work each morning
Ignore the deteriorating institutions leaving crumbs in your breakfast. Clear the tendrils of capitalism from your throat, your mind, your body, your gaze. Make peace with the many greeds in which you are complicit. Lower your inner drawbridge so that others may experience your vast, shining heart. Pay no mind to the judgments you level against yourself when you are tired or lonely or hurting. Hum softly when you happen upon a puppy or a flower or even an adult! who hasn't given up living just yet. Revel in the aliveness you find hidden everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. You can also listen in as I read this to you! P.S. Many, many more of my poems live here, or you can buy my book of poetry here ...
Supreme Court my ass
I'm certain you've already read many, many, MANY words about what's been happening in the United States over the past week. I'm sure you've seen many graphic carousels of ways to be helpful, and also, I am certain... You have many, many feelings within you about everything that's happening. There's an indignity and complete lack of humanity embedded within capitalism that means we have to push, strive, hustle, and show up when our hearts are broken, when our rights are stripped from our bodies, when the FATE OF THE PLANET ITSELF has just been legislated away. There are many, many calls to action on the planet right now: everything seems to be burning. AND. THIS SENTENCE HAS TAKEN TEN YEARS OF WRESTLING WITH DEPRESSION TO CREATE, PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY: Asshole brain defaults to three categories of thoughts when it wants to take away your power: 'you're too much,' 'you're ...
Confessions
These podcasts are 150% an experiment. What happens if I don't have a meticulous plan with bullet points and a perfect transcript before I begin talking?  What happens if I'm FAR more honest and revealing than is strictly comfortable, trusting that I'll be well held by those who listen?  What if I can, by revealing the most inward emotions and thoughts of my being at this moment, find those EXACT emotions and thoughts in you, thereby helping you feel far less alone?  What if I tell you what I'm wrestling with, and what I've been keeping hidden from myself (and therefore you), and what I'm working on before it's 100% done?  And what if it's all recorded while I'm pulled over to the side of the road in my car in a single take?  THAT'S THE CONFESSIONS SERIES OF PODCASTS. This is the most vulnerable series of podcasts I've ever ...
Confessions: Covid and the 💩 Birthday Party
It's so WEIRD to be alive, isn't it? You think you've got something figured out, and then WHAM JUST KIDDING, something new appears and you're rethinking everything. I'm seven years in to making the That's What She Said podcast. What I've noticed, over time, is that I'm less and less free, more and more sticking to a carefully created transcript as I create each episode. In my head I'm all, BUT THEY HAVE SO LITTLE TIME!!! HOW CAN I WASTE A SINGLE SECOND TAKING UP SPACE WITHOUT A CLEAR OBJECTIVE AND FOCUS!!?? ::existential wringing of hands:: AND! What I want and need from other creators I love is to share NOT ONLY their most 'expert,' cis-het-white-passive-income-friendly selves. I want to go behind the scenes, hear the questions they're wrestling with, know about what's ACTUALLY going on with them, and feel into their struggles alongside them. Because it's easy to pretend ...
Lower the Bar
Since you're one of my peeps, I can make a bunch of assumptions about you. Namely, that you're an overachiever who does your absolute best each day. You might be grappling with mental illness or physical illness or battling asshole brain or measuring your worth by your work ( <-- HAPPY FREEBIE TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH THAT HERE).  No matter what, you still give each day's efforts everything you've got. Trouble is, I've noticed that my clients and I are often holding ourselves to standards we created in The Before. Nothing about our lives functions the same way as it did in 2019, but we refuse to let ourselves lower the bar for what it takes to survive and thrive in 2022. Psst!  This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said!  The audio contains more asides and three of my poems, but here's the quick version ...
Identify your pandemic pattern.
Twins The One Who Cares lies nested within the one who pretends she doesn't. The One Who Cares wants to give up because humans are too brutal to stick around and witness. (She mourns the loss of the rainforest, the ice caps, the coral reefs. She weeps for all the plastic in the ocean that will be here long after she's died.) She is full of grief for all the ways we humans shut down, numb, disconnect, go to sleep, give up, give out, and refuse to feel. (She does not respond to phone notifications in a timely manner, which is one of her charms.) The One Who Cares lies hidden behind The One Who Gets Things Done: the one who has a schedule, does the laundry, feeds the dog, pays the electric bill, stays on top of the news. The one who Gets Things Done rolls out her yoga ...
What's tripping you up?
Over the years, I've admitted SO MANY scary things here on the podcast and in my writings. Some highlights: I've been battling depression since 2001. I once lost $43,000 on a massive business event, the $20,000 mastermind I signed up for hurt my spirit in ways I couldn't even begin to articulate for years afterward, and long Covid wrecked my spirit in ways I can only just now begin to see, let alone articulate. I've studied breathwork (a free class for you is waiting here!), gotten divorced, fallen in love, written poems, shared advice, and seen the depths of the human spirit – all while sharing what I'm learning with you. Psst! This is an episode of That's What She Said, my podcast -- there are hundreds more episodes right here. Talking about what's tripping you up doesn't make you wrong, bad, a 'loser,' or whatever else asshole brain has ...
You don't have to earn your keep.
Welcome to Microdose #2 in our 2022 podcast series!  You can start with Pandemic, Year Three, or dive in below for the most-relevant-to-this-moment wisdom I've got: We begin with a poem. When people ask how I am, I don't want my first response to be "Tired." And so I am undoing unlearning rerouting my life's ley lines around wonder and silence stillness and depth I am deleting apps, banishing the phone to the furthest corners of the house. I am tossing big plastic rings at the dog, who chases them and chews them and likes to see if he can dangle from them by his teeth for just a second before his grip fails. I am learning not-tired the same way: dangling, just barely by my teeth But I am learning, nonetheless. – There's a portion of asshole brain that I call Resting Bitch Voice. It’s like Resting Bitch Face, ...
Pandemic, Year 3.
Hello and welcome to...pandemic, year 3. Let's prepare for this glorious chaos, shall we? This is an episode of That's What She Said meant to help you do the work of keeping your 2022 MEANS MORE GOALS MORE HUSTLE AND MORE ACHIEVING bits in check. Because SO MUCH of life is outside your control...what are you going to get from this year, no matter what? Let's get clear on your Scope of Work. This is covered in greater detail in That's What She Said episode 236, found at https://kristenkalp.com/scope-of-work/ – if you want to dive deeper. The short version: Capitalism skews toward goals being simple and MORE-based. I’ve seen this play out for clients who are looking for ‘more’ clients or ‘more’ sales. When they fail to define what ‘more’ is, it quickly becomes infinite and unreachable. You will NEVER feel like you’ve successfully gotten ‘more’ clients, ’cause the answer ...
Connie Vanderzanden
Did you ever want to meet someone who defies most every stereotype of the accounting industry in an effortless and extremely human way?  Because...meet Connie Vanderzanden.  YES I KNOW YOU DO NOT ENJOY NUMBERS. NO CONNIE IS NOT OFFENDED. This is a super chill, no-pitch interview meant to help you both a.) look at and b.) start taking control of your business numbers starting NOW.  I've been the human who watched credit card bills pile up, too scared to open them, and the entrepreneur whose expenses are ??? per month but IT'S FINE I'M MAKING PLENTY.  Given Connie's wisdom and elegant money systems, I could have skipped those debt-y years of WHY GOD WHY and gotten to the point of engaging with and managing my business numbers muuuuch more quickly. In this That's What She Said podcast interview, we talk about: 🔥The 19 years Connie has been in business -- ...
The Other Side
We get up every day and do the work. There is drama, pain, resistance, play, noise. Sometimes the deafening silence. We get up every day and do the work. No one anywhere says a word because they do not see and cannot know what's required to enter the chambers of the heart, day after day, week after week, year after year. They cannot know what it's like to crawl along your belly through the tears-snot-pain-awful for what seems like miles in order to find that reliable feast set in a room of rock: peace, persistence, pleasure. We tell them but they do not believe: the other side of the tunnel opens in all directions to pure blinding light. P.S. My book of poetry is pay-what-you-can priced ...
Any Given Tuesday
Two poems to share with you in this podcast episode! Any Given Tuesday I cannot tell them what it's like in here, in my brain, late September, facing down another pandemic winter, climate change placing our house in a new tornado alley, the immediate world divided: red, blue, pro, anti, on and on, while I try pointing my dials to Function. Ignore your tightly wound belly and the tears streaming down your cheeks because it's not one thing it's all of it: All of It. All. Of. It: We were not meant to hold this much pain without being able to hold each other tightly, physically, breathing in the same room. Healing without holding hands is so much harder. We continue to accrue layers of not-here, stacking distraction upon mess upon dysfunction, cynicism, rot. And still my brain demands it, beneath the piles of wet cardboard and the urine-soaked carpets ...
Followup
Last week she told me she wouldn't come to my latest offering even if it were free. I absorbed the blow, laughing -- light as a leaf falling from the tree outside -- but the seeds of her doubt are trying to take root. (I have been silenced by far less.) Perhaps the larger part of Maturity In the Internet Age is choosing to look it all in the eye and proclaim: You cannot take my work from me. You cannot make me believe I am trivial. You cannot silence me today. Or tomorrow. Or on any of the days to come. This is the promise, and the reward, all in one: you cannot take my work from me ever again. Amen. This is an episode of That's What She Said, my podcast! Listen in 👇🏼 P.S. If you need (not-poetry-based) help with following up in sales...stay on it ...
mental health pep talk
Little did I know when I started a business eleven (!!!) years ago that I would be talking about mental health with people all the time. The ins and outs, the ups and downs, the hardest parts of being human -- it's all on the table, and that was BEFORE we came down with a pandemic. Lemme read you a poem and love on you in this episode of That's What She Said, okay? (There are hundreds more episodes here.  Or catch up on all things dealing with depression while running a business.) To Past Me, Who Has Endured 20 Years of Depression I love you. Thank you for every tear you cried; for every time you left the house when you'd rather stay in; for every time you shared the truth instead of pretending to be okay. Thank you for being brave enough to ask for help, to tell ...
Resting Bitch Voice
It's hard to know what to talk about right now. It's hard for me to pretend that exclusively talking about getting better at business will help you the most, since capitalism is itself a destructive and nefarious force that extracts resources and labor from humans and the planet, no matter the cost. That's why today I'm choosing to talk about the places you might find within yourself that are fucking you over in capitalistic ways that we've come to accept as par for being alive in Western culture. I'm going to call this portion of my asshole brain Resting Bitch Voice. It's like Resting Bitch Face, only this doesn't just make you look like you're pissed when you're in the latest edition of People magazine. Resting Bitch Voice keeps you tired, overworked, stressed, steeped in martyrdom, and unable to articulate exactly why you feel like a bag of old turds ...
Square Zero
Square One means you know where you are and have some idea of the tasks that lie ahead. You've moved before, so you know there are boxes to be packed and unpacked; utilities to transfer to your name; furniture to rearrange and a new neighborhood to learn. Square Zero feels like you live in Flan, or Blueberry, or The Quadratic Equation. Wait, what? How did I get here? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? That's disorientation. Square Zero means you've never been to this particular place, and you have no idea how to move out of, through, or beyond it. Psst! This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said! Listen in below or keep reading for a transcript-ish version. 👇🏼 I remember crying so hard that I was sure my body had lost all liquid when Donald Trump won the Presidential election in 2016. Disorientation came with ...
The Absence and The Presence
Let's bring a prevalent-but-often-unspoken portion of our collective pandemic pain into the light and examine it because, as Mister Rogers taught me, anything mentionable is manageable. The goal here is simply to name the pain you might be feeling and to let you know you're not alone. Not to judge or scold you. Not to induce guilt or shame. Simply to mention what's happening so that you/I/we can manage it going forward. Psst! This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said! View all 250+ episodes here. Keep reading or listen in for the extended version. 👇🏼 Story #1: We arrive around 2:30 in the afternoon and put our bags down and go running out the back doors: mud. Where the Airbnb photos promised us a shimmering and scenic body of water, there is only mud. Smelly, foul-looking, deep deep mud. "WELP, that's climate change," I mutter, and ...
Don't You Dare Settle for Fine
We were promised an end to the pandemic with the arrival of vaccinations, and that's clearly not even close to happening. What do we do now? Don't You Dare Settle for Fine is my answer. Lemme help you identify both your pandemic feelings and needs in a space that's full of laughter and the ridiculousness of being a human today. This LIVE recording of That's What She Said was made in the company of other humans who risked connection, emotions, and being seen -- and it's FUCKING GLORIOUS. You can leave 'fine' behind with tiny, annoying progress, and you can start doing that shit TODAY. Once you've listened, let me know what you discover! 🔥Book a call to talk with me about whatever you learn. Questions, comments, ideas, epiphanies to share? Book a call! P.S. When it comes to pandemic... Put it down ...
I'm fine. It's fine. Everything is fine.
We both know that anyone who says they're 'fine' is absolutely anything BUT fine. That's why I want to address the places you're 'fine' and help you kick 'em to the curb. This is an episode of That's What She Said!  Listen in for the extended version, or keep reading if you're pressed for time. Here are 5 spots where 'fine' could be tripping you up. Which of these sound like you? 1 - "I'll take care of everyone else, it's fine." You might have succumbed to martyrdom, which those born female are trained for since birth. In my life, this looked like showing up as a perfect angel of productivity (and vacumming and cleaning and cooking!) while resenting everyone for not noticing how much I was struggling and how little energy I had to spend. Nevermind that I never or rarely VERBALIZED my needs or desires or stunning exhaustion: ...
Build invisible alliances.
Have you ever learned a thing and then YOU JUST NEED TO SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE?  (Right after you remember that you wrote it, 'cause you discovered it on your laptop?) That's this. Listen in to this episode of That's What She Said below, or keep reading for a transcript-ish version. A diary entry from March 2020, as Covid was descending upon the world: "When I was going to Grandma's funeral on Sunday, which was just walking to the closest cemetery to sit while her services were taking place thousands of miles away, Bruce sang me right to the gates with a song I had queued up the day before, like, "Next time you turn on Spotify, you'll need this." 'A Long Time Coming' felt just right for saying goodbye to someone who lost ten years of her life to Alzheimer's. When I arrived, a murder of crows greeted me ...
Marie Phillips talks creating your own midlife crisis.
Ever interviewed the author of a choose-your-own-adventure book? Turns out, IT'S REALLY FUN. Marie Phillips is a writer whose latest book is called Create Your Own Midlife Crisis: The Best Way to Make the Worst Decisions. You might take her book for a spin and end up texting photos of your boobs to Hot Russell (like I did), or you could end up buying a motorcycle before running away to Brazil. (If those don't suit, maybe having a baby with your estranged husband will save the marriage?) By turns funny, depressing, ridiculous, and truthful -- Create Your Own Midlife Crisis takes an unprecedented approach to middle age. In this interview, we talk about ALL THE THINGS. The joys of midlife, the pain of having made exactly the wrong decisions many years ago, the downside of meteoric success (having your first novel turned into a feature-length film starring Sharon Stone, anyone?), ...
Energy bio
Psst!  This is the final That's What She Said episode about coming into right relationship with the things we spend: time, money, and energy.  Check out time is your friend and/or money is your friend!  It's Summer 2020, and I'm sitting on the back porch with my eyes leaking tears for minutes or perhaps hours at a time. When Bear asks what's wrong, I say "I'm so tired." This is the same thing I say every day, because this particular scene unfolds at the same time each afternoon. For a lot of months when pandemic started, it felt like I was swiping my energetic credit card when I went to work in the morning: WELP you've no longer got actual energy, so we'll pull from your reserves and see what happens. Future You will figure this out! As evidenced by the daily tired cry, this strategy failed to work a ...
money habit
Psst! This is part of a That's What She Said podcast series about befriending all the things you spend in life: time, money, and energy.  Enjoy! Just like you might not feel like the phrase 'time is your friend' is true, 'money is your friend' might strike you as a bold-faced lie. AND. I do not know of a single person who operates completely outside the realm of money. I know no one who doesn't think about, spend, save, worry about, or use money to operate their lives. Part of what fucks with our heads about money is what we were taught about it growing up; how much our parents had or didn't have, how our family used or didn't use money. I grew up going to both protestant and Catholic church each week (more about that here), where I was taught that money is the root of all evil ...
time
As we re-enter the world in some fashion after being locked down or nearly locked down for more than a year, I wanted to talk about some of our most-basic-but-important relationships as humans. Like it or not, you've got a relationship with time, with money, and with energy. We're going to address each of those relationships with an eye toward improving each one in a tiny series of coaching podcasts, starting with time. Truth be told... Time is your friend. My saying 'time is your friend' might feel like a bunch of bullshit. Because you have 3 meetings, 4 car rides, and 72 emails to conquer today, and that even doesn't include your 'real' work. You might feel as if time is scarce or as if time is your most hated enemy. You might feel as if you don't have enough time, no matter what you do or how hard ...
Coaching Quickie: Start a No Collection.
Are you afraid of hearing the word NO? Do you avoid asking for help -- or asking for anything that could lead to hearing a NO from another human being? If yes, first and foremost, YOU'RE NOT ALONE. Most of my biz coaching clients come to me so avoidant of the word 'no' that they never ask questions or make offers that could lead to hearing that word. This coaching quickie episode of That's What She Said will help you a.) stop fearing the word 'no,' and b.) actively celebrate every last rejection you receive. Ready? Start a No Collection. Your goal is to make SO MANY asks of your fellow humans in the coming week that you collect 3 to 5 no's along the way. Starting a No Collection is an easy way of turning a word we tend to fear -- 'no' -- into a celebration of having ...
Laura Holway talks processes to make your biz life WAY less stressy.
This episode of That's What She Said will make you feel less alone and more sane.  Bonus: you get to meet a rad new person and learn from her wisdom! Laura Holway is a teacher, coach, writer, and kindred spirit. We met earlier this year. I immediately asked her to be on the podcast when I caught her talking about click-bait entrepreneurship and calling out the bullshit marketing practices that have hurt my soul over the last 11 years of owning a business.  (Related: the next level doesn't exist.) I invited her here to call out all sorts of bullshit, to help you remove yourself from those forms of bullshit, and to find the gifts that come after and from within the pain of our lives. Laura uses a 5-step process to work with clients, and I wanted to walk through all 5 of those steps because they're a.) brilliant ...
The Reclaiming
Pop Quiz!  Do you find yourself: ....working ALL the time? ...operating in a near-constant state of overwhelm? ...never or rarely taking time off?  ...doomscrolling more than you'd like?  ...unable to ask for help even when you desperately need it? ...not letting yourself take on a project that lights you up because REASONS? If you said yes to *any* of those questions, today's podcast is for you. In this live recording of the That's What She Said podcast, we'll root through the places you've fallen into overwork and overwhelm -- then find some ways to ease up on yourself and see what happens. Let's reclaim your daily habits, rest, structure, support, and joy. And let's do it without freaking out or making an enormous pledge to overhaul every aspect of your life. Once you've listened, please contact me and tell me what you're reclaiming right this instant! 🔥If you like the ...
Beth Pickens talks Time, Fear, and Asking for artists.
That's What She Said welcomes back heroic and magical artist counselor Beth Pickens for the release of her new book, Make Your Art No Matter What! Beth Pickens describes herself as a consultant for artists and art organizations. Her time spent working with so many artists is distilled to the most universal lessons possible in her new book, Make Your Art No Matter What, which has been described as "The Artist's Way for the 21st century." (Her previous book, Your Art Will Save Your Life, was featured in That's What She Said podcast episode #178 back in 2018, so please check it out if you'd like to hear more from her!) In this conversation, we cover three big huge topics for artists that are also chapters in the book: Time, Fear, and Asking. (You know, tiny insignificant no-big-deal topics.) How do you handle unstructured time as an artist? How do ...
When you realize you've made a mistake.
Psst! This is an episode of That's What She Said! You can listen in below, or keep reading for a transcript-ish version of events. Maybe it wasn't clear before. Maybe you suspected you'd been duped, but you needed confirmation. Maybe you desperately, desperately hoped that having moved across the country with your partner, two pets, and every last one of your possessions on the first day of 2020 was ultimately NOT a bad idea. And then you hear it: the phrase that will change everything. "The basement smells like spiders." Note for arachnophobes: there are no images or vivid descriptions of spiders in the words that follow.  I'm trying to tell a story, not WRECK YOUR LIFE. UM, NEIGHBOR CHRIS, FIRST OFF: HOW IS THAT EVEN A SMELL? I DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE: FOR THERE TO BE SO MANY SPIDERS...THAT THE BASEMENT...SMELLS LIKE...THEM? (I TYPE IN CAPS FROM ...
Holy Heathen
Her book of the same name is the focus of today's That What She Said podcast interview! Katherine North is a masterful life coach, stellar author, and fellow enneagram 4-rocking human. Her memoir, Holy Heathen, is ultimately a book about growing up displaced from American society -- and herself. She writes of her time growing up in Japan with her missionary parents and all the complications that living for 'God's Will' brings with it. (Spoiler alert: God's Will kinda sucks.) If you've ever been a member of organized religion and then found a way to leave it behind, WE GOT YOU AND YOU'LL LOVE THIS. In this interview, we talk about: Being 'good' versus being connected to yourself The facades we hold up at great cost in the name of being 'good' Indoctrination and its many effects on the psyche from a young age The process of bringing the book ...
Live podcast magic is here!
The very first LIVE podcast episode of That's What She Said is here!  This is something I've been dreaming about doing, and it was SOFRIGGINFUN to see faces and talk to peeps while recording! In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk about... + how to find meaning when everything feels meaningless + how to re-enter society as pandemic comes to some sort of end + why much of the modern marketing scene feels like Very Pretty Garbage + and how to say true to your self and your instincts in the face of what seems like the whole world shouting, "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" [technical note] This was recorded LIVE and the first 2 minutes are a bit static-y. The issue is resolved by minute 3. Like what you hear?  Shoot me an email and tell me what you'd like to discuss on the next live episode, ...
Simple + helpful ways to defeat asshole brain
After more than a decade of biz coaching work, I've noticed that solopreneurs struggle with asshole brain in VERY specific ways that often end in self sabotage.  So! Let's walk through six really friggin common ways asshole brain will mess with you and your work. I've been living with depression and its kissing cousin, asshole brain, for more than 2 decades now. PLEASE let yourself learn from this work without shame or guilt! Each subset links to a podcast episode or article of mine that will help you explore each aspect of overcoming asshole brain a bit further. Asshole Brain will tell you to give up. It will tell you to abandon...everything. Absolutely everything. The specifics may include: your career, your work, your marriage, your internal goals, your boundaries, your hopes, your friends, and your fiercest talents. Asshole brain always has a word about what you're doing, why it absolutely ...
Bear Hebert talks capitalism, anti-capitalism, and space for imagination
Welcome to a surprisingly joyful talk about how to run a business that both meets your needs and subverts capitalism at every turn. Bear Hebert is a life coach for liberation, radical business consultant, and social justice educator. They're also brilliant and wise, which is why I invited them to the That's What She Said podcast for a second time!  (First interview with Bear lives here!) In this conversation, we'll explore ways to: + Use imagination as an anti-capitalist tool (with a shoutout to adrienne maree brown) + Reframe business advice to determine whether it applies to YOU + Commit to both accessibility AND getting what you need within the confines of capitalism + Introduce anti-capitalist practices into your business in simple ways + Push back against 'that's just the way it is' portions of capitalism + Be UNprofessional and enjoy the hell of it within your business + Show ...
Secret Tool Alert! Meet...Scope of Work.
In this episode of That's What She Said, let's walk through how feelings of overwhelm (and dealing with all things 'unprecedented!') can be tamed for your business by managing one simple concept: your scope of work.  Listen in below or keep reading for a transcript(ish) version! Your scope of work allows you to determine exactly how much capacity you have to work in the coming months. It also means you don't have to despair when you notice person after person roll out their 'this is exactly what I'm doing this year' emails full of compelling copy and amazing offers. You don't have to know what your work year will look like eleven to fifteen months into the future. The most brilliant and amazing things I've ever made weren't plotted out like points on a graph years in advance. They were simply the next right thing that wanted to be made, ...
inauguration painting by Kristen Kalp
Now that the threat of Trumpism has been beaten back enough for science to once again matter in these United States, I have enough energy to talk to you about 2021! Hello, hi, we did it! We made it! In some ways, it feels like the year of 2021 didn't start until January 20th -- when we saw a new President safely and peacefully installed in the United States government. I wept when Kamala Harris was sworn in. I wept when Joe Biden was sworn in. I wept for the duration of Amanda Gorman's poem. Her words are a living reminder that poetry can help us reach for and name our deepest struggles, as well as frame hope in such a way that we can feel it returning to us after being hidden for a loooooong time. Today, I want to share a metaphor that helped me to weather the ...
I love you, keep going.
Last week, I recorded this podcast episode to encourage you to keep going through the dumpster fire-y parts of life.  I published the episode and within hours the Capital Riot started.  For the record: I denounce the January 6th insurrection, as well as Donald Trump, Donald Trump's remaining followers, and white supremacy in all its forms.  Here's hoping this podcast episode is a bit of balm for your soul.  (Here are hundreds more episodes of the That's What She Said podcast.) We're in class and she half mumbles: "I think I have hysteria." This lovely human clearly believes she's handling this pandemic FAR worse than anyone else on earth. And because she's handling everything SO poorly, there must be something wrong with her. And when something is wrong in America, a diagnosis is in order. My sense is that this is common among the peeps I work with, since being ...
deep knowing
I lost the future for a bit, there. The past four years got me so tangled up in Trump's antics and generally FREAKING OUT that when the pandemic hit, I burned my plans and sat down for A Very Long Time. Every human interaction outside of the people I live with: canceled. Every workshop or class or retreat I wanted to make or attend or hold this year: canceled. My sense of knowing what tomorrow might hold: ABSOLUTELY GONE. If you've lost the ability to plan for or sense the future: hi, hello, welcome. Me, too. Between American politics and the pandemic, I've never had more trouble connecting to my own depths, desires, and needs. In fact, I'm tempted to spend every waking moment flailing like Kermit and/or freaking out like Moira Rose. This podcast episode is here to help you connect with your interior continent, ask deep-ass questions, and ...
Urgent Joy
CONFESSION: I have never been more scared of an election outcome than I am of the one happening next Tuesday. ADDITIONAL CONFESSION: No matter what happens, my response will be based in joy. Not because I'm a Little Miss Happy Karen Living In Oblivion, but because I've learned to orient my life around what keeps my soul alive.  (Slowly and painstakingly, as a result of 18+ years of living with chronic depression, lest you think what follows is flippant or frivilous.) Urgent Joy will help keep your soul alive.  Please listen sooner rather than later. Asshole brain will naturally say 'life is over, why even try,' and encourage you to give up in countless ways when you face a challenging situation -- for example, the further grip of Trump's fascism descending on the U.S.. Urgent Joy will help you center your life around all that is truly life-giving so that ...
Let's talk about 2020.
...in which I use this episode of the That's What She Said podcast to a.) share every major thing I've learned in 2020 (vulnerability alert like WHOA), and then b.) challenge you to see 2020 a little differently.  With less hatred, shame, guilt, derision, fear, and/or overwhelm. This is NOT an exercise in the art of 'good vibes only' or spiritual bypassing. This IS a dare.  I dare you to mine the difficult and awful aspects of this year in order to find some of the depth and richness available to you right now.  Even when you're stuck at home and wondering daily if you're going insane while doomscrolling and hoping today will just be OVER ALREADY. Mostly, this is a perspective check so that you've got a fighting chance against asshole brain. Asshole brain is the mean voice in your head that says you're not enough while also calling ...
How to build everyday fundraising into your business
This is an episode of That's What She Said, and you can listen to all podcast episodes here! Read a close-to-transcript version below, or listen in for the full monty. THE QUESTION: "I'm really feeling like it's inappropriate to promote my business at the moment, and honestly I've just lost momentum/motivation. It just seems like my/our collective attention needs to be on the BLM movement and the pandemic. I don't feel good about self-promotion right now. Do you have any thoughts on how to either regain your business mojo OR how to better honor the collective 'pause' and not feel guilty for pulling energy away from your own work? My heart hurts. And I want to give all the love I have right now to the collective, not my own work." -- one of the peeps in Together, a year-long soul care program (think monthly breathwork and live unrecorded gatherings) ...
Put it down.
Here in the United States, the ongoing pandemic is a long haul that's basically straight uphill and entirely unknown. That means we urgently need to learn how to take breaks and rest, 'cause no amount of sprinting today can get time to move so quickly that it fast forwards to 2022. Here are some asshole brain maneuvers to watch out for as we enter another season of As the World Burns: Put down the binary. "I've only got two options: A or B." A biz coaching client was outlining her options and said she could do A -- which is the same thing she's been doing that's not working -- or B, which is part-time for someone who's treating her like shit. Both options were awful, but in her mind they were the ONLY options available. In truth, you rarely have only two options. There's always an option C. Option ...
Have to, Get to, and Square One.
As updates go, this is a big one! I now live in Ambler, Pennsylvania, precisely two blocks from where I lived before the move to Portland on January 1, 2020. (Why yes that IS a crushingly expensive way to move two blocks, and I'll talk much more about it later, promise!) One of the things I put out of my head about the move itself -- which was 7 days of road tripping car travel with a dog and cat, then 8 days of being stuck in Denver with a broken car, then a 3.5 hour flight to Philadelphia -- is that when I got here, I would be moving into an apartment I'd never seen in real life. For the second time in 2020. The apartment currently has: tan carpets, beige walls, and the back of a walk-in closet that I've claimed as my writing spot. (I'm here now, ...
Own Your Gifts
This week, a question-based response in our asshole brain podcast series!  Catch up on the other episodes with interrupt the pattern, joy is not canceled, and if you ain't got haters...or dive in starting here! TODAY'S QUESTION!  What if my inner asshole won't let me identify or accept what I'm good at? I want other people to tell me, but I'm realizing that no matter what anyone else says, I won't believe it because my inner asshole says no. You are so specific on yours, and I'm curious how you figured out and accepted your super powers. I'm also secretly scared that I want everyone else's super powers and don't actually have any of my own (hi, there again, asshole brain). -- Anna First up: YOU HAVE SUPERPOWERS. You are a being of this earth, and therefore you have superpowers.  No one is the exception to this rule, including you! ...
If you ain't got haters...
Today, a story about haters that shifted my perspective on allllll sorts of negative feedback, and I hope it does the same for you as well! This is an episode of the That's What She Said podcast, and is the third in our series about tools to defeat asshole brain.  We start when you interrupt the pattern and continue when you affirm that joy is not canceled. And now, on to our story!  Katy is a KK on Tap coaching client, and we're in The Speakeasy.  (That's our twice-monthly meeting of KK on Tap peeps.  It's not recorded, and thus has been deemed the speakeasy.)  Here goes: There's a guy. He's named Evan. Evan works as a Resident Assistant (RA) at his university. He's older than those college students living on the floor where he presides, and he's there to provide extra support for his residents. That might be emotional, ...
Joy is not canceled.
Have you ever had something that happened decades ago bother the shit out of you, and you can't figure out why? Like, what's wrong with you, you should 'be over it by now'...? Let's dive into my particulars and see if there isn't a universal truth hidden in there, 'cause this came up for me recently and I'll bet you've learned a similar lesson in your life. This is an episode of That's What She Said! This is the second in our series about ways to defeat asshole brain, starting with Interrupt the Pattern.  All the other podcast episodes live here. The setting: it's 1989. I'm in the third grade, and I've got to go to class with Mrs. Spisso. Mrs. Fucking. Spisso. Picture a shrill woman comprised entirely of sharp angles with half-moon reading glasses perched on her nose. Add a strong dislike for children and too many years ...
Interrupt the pattern
Psst!  This is episode #225 of That's What She Said, my podcast! Listen in below, or read on for a transcript-ish version of the goods. (The actual podcast involves raptors and fences and far more swearing and laughter!) Like bajillions of people around the globe, I picked up a yoga practice during the pandemic.  I started practicing yoga with Jessamyn Stanley over at Underbelly Yoga, and WOW is she amazing. Why is she so amazing? She's good at teaching because she had to learn every part of each sequence in her body, and it wasn't easy. She didn't wake up in a teeny tiny, ultra-athletic body, good at every sport imaginable. In class, she talks about how for the first year of doing the pose she's now modeling, she fell down. She makes no issue of needing to rest, of needing support, of needing modifications, or of otherwise listening to ...
Today I started with nothing.
And so I took a walk, greeting as many beings as I could see: rain, puddle, rose. I drank deeply from the lilacs and wondered at the tiny complex reproductive organs of flowers whose names I do not know: nova, miracle, Wild. I watched ants traversing canyons of tree bark In search of I Do Not Know What: sustenance, wandering, sweet. (I didn’t have anything to offer the water-soaked crow resting over there and tried to not feel bad about my failing.) (Human, human, human.) At the last corner, a pink bed of cherry blossom petals strewn all over the sidewalk to celebrate this homecoming: You are here, you are here, you are here. Air, sky, breath. Alive. Remember. Alive. P.S. We need this Note to Self now more than ever. Let's unlearn productivity, starting right now: ...
We are born into Not Enough.
Let's storm the corporate castles and make our meaning from the world that already exists within this one -- the world in which the poems and paintings and portraits and plants count for something far more than cash can ever provide -- the world in which our caring is cause for celebration, not another fucking commodity -- the world in which we take unlearning productivity, perfectionism, and patriarchy as seriously as we once took wondering whether we looked cute enough to leave the house. P.S. Dig poems?  My book of poetry is pay-what-you-can priced. (Also!  What you see burning in the featured image is a mix of everyday herbs similar to what would have been used by my way-back-wise-women ancestors.  The bundle was gifted to me by Bear Hebert, whom I interview about anti-capitalist business practices here.) ...
Josh Solar
No one on earth has ever scheduled an interview and been like, 'Oh hey, what if we record on a day that waves of fear and panic about a pandemic are dropped across the planet?' But if you could have the ideal guest for such an occasion, it's breathwork wizard, meditation guide, and reiki master Josh Solar. We’ll help you navigate the panic of a pandemic — including a trusty breathing technique that will calm you anywhere, at any time, for any reason, for free. Mentioned in this episode of the podcast, you'll find lots of breathwork practitioners, including: Josh Solar himself!  Pick up his breathwork class (which he scores and then records because he's a musical GENIUS) here.  <-- This class is fantastic and I do it regularly! We also mention The Softness Sessions, which are Breathwork 101, in which I'll help you ease into a breathwork practice!  We ...
how to experiment
One of the things I get asked by my coaching clients (3 year-long spots open in April, get on the wait list here!) is how to begin something new or different. They want a road map or plan that will mitigate all the risk involved in trying a brand new thing (of course), and I assure them that risk is built into the whole thing (of course). The good news is, we can absolutely figure out a way for you to move forward that doesn't lead to fear-puking on your shoes every morning. 'How to experiment' is an extremely flexible framework that can help you enter into a new project, idea, concept, collaboration, or phase of your work at the deepest levels. Psst!  This is a podcast episode!  Listen in below, or just keep reading if you like to go fast. First, let's talk about Wim Hof. He's fascinating because ...
How to Update Your Emotional Operating System
I've recently rediscovered the work of Fred Rogers -- Mister Rogers to those of us in the States who grew up with him -- and the work of his foundation as well. One of the core values of The Fred Rogers Center is 'The Deep and Simple.' To quote their brochure: "Whether you are a child or an adult, substance and authenticity still have a place in this world.  We develop meaningful programs that emphasize the importance of connecting with children and families." The Deep and Simple is such a helpful articulation of what I've been trying to do for a long time now: not to give you easy-to-follow-but-ultimately-unsatisfying advice, but to help you access your own Deep and Simple bits with me. I'm gonna talk all about the ways breathwork, my regular Deep and Simple practice, has continued to shape my life, and how it can help to shape ...
Own Your Woo
Denying your power weakens it. You have superpowers -- i.e. woo, intuition, whatever you choose to call it -- and if you're one of my peeps those superpowers probably aren't entirely mundane in nature. So often, I see coaching clients with superpowers shrug off their magic like it's no big deal. I've watched my peeps bat down compliments about everything from their extraordinary singing voice to their artistry with a camera. They've fought me about how tripling their income through hard work and new practices is no big deal because they were going for quintupling their income, so their efforts don't count. I've had a friend cure my fever by holding my hand for a few minutes and increasing my body temperature. Like, I shit you not -- cure my fever. The power we collectively possess within us is far more capable of creating better worlds than any single policy ...
Structure That Doesn't Suck, Part V (The end is here!)
This is part five, the final part of the Structure That Doesn't Suck series! Please take time to enjoy episodes one, two, three, and four before you proceed. You'll want to grab a notebook and writing implement, 'cause we're about to scribble. This is one of those more-questions-than-answers episodes to help you wade through the murk of overwhelm and into tangible answers and parameters. (It's also meant to make you feel hopeful about your future! If at any point you find your asshole brain shouting hateful commentary at you, come back to the place where you are well, your next steps are entirely doable, and you're capable of completing the task before you.) Once you know what your Next Most Important Thing is (that's Structure That Doesn't Suck, part 4!), it's your job to bring it to life. Mostly that feels overwhelming, though, so you figure you'll buy a class ...
Structure That Doesn't Suck, Part Four
This is part four of the Structure That Doesn't Suck podcast series!  Listen to parts one, two, and three before proceeding, okay? Now that you know whether you use time like a Luna or a Hermione, we're ready to talk about priorities. Priorities are easier to spot from a bird's eye view. Think looking down on an enormous crowd from a balcony, or flying over a scene while riding a winged creature. HELL YES I BUILT BUCKBEAK INTO STRUCTURE THAT DOESN'T SUCK! For the not-Harry-Potter fans, Buckbeak is a magical creature who Hagrid cares for within the Forbidden Forest. You must present yourself to him and bow before you are granted any further interaction. He sizes you up. If he bows back, you are free to pet his enormous beak and ride him as you would a horse, only with wings. Buckbeak is saved during a pivotal point of Harry ...
structure that doesn't suck // a series by kristen kalp
This is part of the Structure That Doesn't Suck podcast series.  Please listen to part one and part two, or this will make absolutely no sense! There are 35 new podcast episodes in 2019!  If I helped you make more than $35 in your biz this year — support this ongoing work with a payment of $35. We're so inundated with advice and good ideas that of course you didn't start setting up a Luna or Hermione Hour as a result of listening to last week's podcast! Most likely, you listened, thought it was a good idea, and then went about your life with no changes whatsoever. That's a perfectly normal response to free advice, as well as to modern life, so I'm not shaming you in any way. But I am slowing this series down in order for you to get what you need from it. For the first ...
priority practice
This is part two of the Structure That Doesn't Suck podcast series! Visit part one -- Structure That Doesn't Suck -- and listen in before the following will make sense. I promised we would talk about priorities. How do you decide what's vital on any given day, and how do you make room for what's most important? Let's make it really simple, starting with Step Zero. Your priority is to engage with your opposite for one hour per work day. Part of our measurement of growth as humans is moving beyond the settings we're born with here on earth. If you're an introvert like me, that means you've had to learn how to engage with people. You've had to learn protocols like, when someone says, "How are you," you have to say, "I'm fine thanks, how are you?" For the first seventeen years of my life, I just said, "I'm ...
Structure That Doesn't Suck, Part 1
If you're one of my people, you tend to operate in one of two categories. You're either a big-huge-enormous fan of structure and use it to plan every last detail of your life, or you absolutely hate structure and run from it like you run from that person with a hacking cough who's got the plague over there. Let's make peace with both of those extremes by going a little bit Harry Potter on you. This is an episode of That's What She Said!  Listen in below, or find all the episodes here. Hermione Granger is a really smart, really Type-A individual who uses tools like TIME TRAVEL to take more classes. Her structure level is over the top. You cannot beat Hermione at planning, at doing homework, at reading lists, or at time-turning. At the opposite end of the spectrum, you'll find Luna Lovegood. She's a laidback, dreamy individual ...
Let's talk Steady and Experimental income.
Before we dive into this episode of the podcast, please click here to find your enough number. That way, you'll have precise and accurate estimates to work with as we create a strategy for the coming months in your business. This podcast episode comes as a result of looooots of coaching clients (spots open in January, get on the dibs list!) wanting to abandon projects and services they've worked on for years to start something entirely new, then pushing on that new thing to start making income immediately. Like, it launched on Tuesday, and by Wednesday we need to be making $4,000 a month, every month until the end of time. What if we could actively arrange for you to earn two types of income in your business? And before you ask, NOPE, they're not active and passive income. These are much bigger, broader, and more interesting categories than those ...
Finding Your Enough Number
Over the years, I've found that most business owners don't know their enough number.  You know, your enough number: the precise amount of money it takes to cover your business and personal expenses, as well as account for taxes so you don't suddenly owe ALL THE DOLLARS on April 15th. In this special edition of the podcast, I'll show you how to figure out precisely how much money you need your business to make each month, then break down exactly how much of your work you've got to sell to make that number happen. We'll even account for taxes, and of course I'll make you laugh the whole time. Finding your enough number will help you prioritize your marketing activities, stop overwhelm in its tracks, and generally stop your asshole brain from going on and on about needing the vague and ominous "MORE" money. Listen in below. HEAR YE HEAR ...
How to overcome perfectionism and just keep shipping.
At its most simplified, you overcome perfectionism like this: Make something up. Get the word out about it. Accept dollars for the thing you've made up. (Of course that doesn't always work, because have you seen the photo to the left and WOW do I suck at being posed sometimes.  But you keep going.) This is an episode of That's What She Said, my weekly podcast!  Listen in below, or read along for the transcript(ish). This thing you're sharing may or may not require: a website, an e-mail list, a social media presence, and/or a change of job. It will most definitely involve: risk, leaving your comfort zone, asking for help, and failing. Lots. We hide behind plans and structures, strategies and investors, sure things and experts, but there's no real way to know how a thing you've made up will do until you introduce it to the world. So ...
The fine art of saying No.
I spend most of my time working with people who identify as female, so the fine art of saying "no" is a big deal. It's one of the things we tackle early on in business coaching (waitlist for January is here), since building boundaries and defining what you will and will NOT tolerate will always bring you closer to your higher self and your truest work. Let's find some places where you can push things off your plate by saying "no," and therefore make room for your most important work to come to light. As always, these points are not about judging you or making you feel small, but about pointing a flashlight to areas of your own interiors that you might not have considered in a while. (Also as always, I only know about these because I've been there and unboxed shit-tons of gross debris while getting clear of ...
How many lights on your dashboard are blinking?
If your business magically morphed into some sort of top secret aviation operation — you’re flying a solo mission of the utmost importance tonight, and the fate of the free world rests in your hands — do you even have enough fuel to get there? Or do you crash and burn? How many lights on your dashboard are blinking? In practical terms, this means taking stock of everything that’s going on in your life at the moment. We can’t pretend your business doesn’t affect your personal life, or vice versa. These questions will help you sort out exactly where you stand. If the answer is anything but a smug 'HANDLED,' it's a blinking light. (You know whether it's a problem or not.) How many times in the last week have you said you’re “busy?” Do you feel overwhelmed, out of control, freaked out, or stressed the majority of the time? ...
10 ways to stop overwhelm as a biz owner
Tis the season for overwhelm and that busy feeling increasing exponentially, so let's dive into some simple ways to head overwhelm off at the pass.  You can read and click through below, or listen in to this week's episode of That What She Said! Make space. You can make space physically, by clearing your desk or processing orders. You can also make space mentally, by choosing to pursue one task at a time. Turn off allll the notifications on your phone and desktop. If you need help breaking your phone addiction, Space will help.  Find out more here. Delete all the stuff in your Downloads folder. It's mostly stuff you don't know what to do with, and now you can take it off your plate entirely. Delete programs, PDFs, books, freebies, or downloads you don't want, are never going to use, or no longer need. Yes, you paid money for ...
Healing doesn't always hurt.
The most painful parts of healing happen at the beginning of the process, when we're shedding old skins that have calcified, or crawling out of boxes where we were contorted into cramped positions for lots of time, or walking with a limp because we're still bleeding out from several wounds at once. This is an episode of That's What She Said, my weekly podcast! Keep reading or listen in below. As we staunch the bleeding; as we shed the skins; as we move around and learn to shake out our wings, we soften and grow. We start out shedding the debris that's hardest, structurally -- walls, gates, and shells -- and move into ever softening variations over time. Imagine pulling sticks and bricks over your softest bits, then imagine pulling tomato skins over them. That's how healing unfolds over time. It gets far less brutal, stabby, and hard as the ...
The Quietly Subversive 3-Hour Work Day.
I've had a secret for a bunch of years, but I've felt too much SCARY BEING JUDGED FEAR to share it in any sort of meaningful or worthwhile way. Here goes: most of my work days last for three hours or less. I've been consciously shaping a shorter work day for myself for years now. Before you form a mob and come at me with pitchforks because I'm such a spoiled brat, lemme tell you how this started. For a bunch of years, I was struggling with depression. I also had worsening-but-undiagnosed thyroid issues. For about eighteen months there, I had both extremely intense thyroid issues and clinical depression.  (Story of how I slooooowly healed my thyroid here.) Translation: naps were not optional. Getting out of bed and showering were serious achievements. Not like, 'Hehe I know! Showering is a pain in the ass.' More like, 'I have to lie ...
Nourishing or Numbing? One question to shift it all.
I've been hitting you with deep questions and lots of self aware examining in longer-than-usual podcasts -- so this week I thought I'd include a single question reframe for your whole life.  Enjoy this episode of That's What She Said! Is it nourishing or numbing? This question applies to each and every habit, task, relationship, boundary, pattern, or activity you complete. Consider your commute, your screen habits, your food habits, your travel habits, your self care routines, and your time spent with those you love: nourishing or numbing? At a deeper level, consider your business practices, the information you consume, the books you read, the shows you watch, and the people you interact with on a regular basis: nourishing or numbing? The goal, of course, is to do less numbing and more nourishing. Only of course it's not that simple. We humans don't magically switch off our numbing patterns just ...
Hiding isn't the answer // podcast by Kristen Kalp
Before we dive in to this week's podcast episode, I'd like to acknowledge that the lessons here have taken a bunch of years to condense into anything even remotely resembling words. My first impulse when it comes to facing the world is to hide 100% of the time. I prefer to hermit and retreat and withdraw. Those are tendencies I actively push against and question on an almost-daily basis. So. I know, you'd rather hide. At a business level, it's scary to let your work be seen. You've heard that 'if you build it, they will come,' and they're not coming. Maybe you should...build it again? Pin ever-more-complicated options to Pinterest and save up to give someone ten grand and solve it for you? Hope for the best and get a second job? Or you say you're ready to take on more clients or sell more work, but you can't ...
Let's talk about making meaning, monitoring your health (not your weight -- your HEALTH) -- and how to be a magnificent human in modern times.
I went to the doctor and found out I'm just shy of weighing 200 pounds. My highest weight in high school was 169 (HA!), I got married at 137 in 2006, and this is the most I've ever weighed, ever. The thing is, I have very little shame about that 198.6 number. I'm really fucking healthy in the other health categories that count: mentally, spiritually, sexually, energetically, financially, and emotionally. I didn't get depressed last winter, which is the first time I felt fine during that season in over a decade.  (More about my depression and its lessons here, here, and here.) Further, I'm on top of my Adulting -- my library fines are paid and I'm making art regularly and my house is clean and my car is inspected, which are the things that slide in not-so-healthy-times. Most importantly: I DON'T WANT TO STOP LIVING LIFE. I am not ...
It's possible to lie down, breathe, and rise up knowing far more than you did an hour before. The Softness Sessions will show you how.
My favorite thing about Brene Brown is that she learns things the hard way. When her research provides a finding, she's the first person to be like, 'Oh HEEEEELL no.' She doesn't like what she finds most of the time, but what she finds makes her a better human, so she implements it into her life. And then life gets better. Softness is like that. When I first figured out that softness could be helpful in my life -- not a weakness, but an effective way of being -- I was pissed. Psst! This is Episode #200 of the That's What She Said podcast! Okay, honestly, I was pissed about pinning wedding dresses and elopement ideas to Pinterest. Five years ago, I was mad that my default feminine bits were all about those frilly dresses and vista views, fantasizing on the internet about a big fancy event. I've since given ...
The Sales, Selling, and Making Bank 6-Pack
When it comes to selling, sales, and generally hopping on board with capitalism, most of our skills don't come naturally.  No one comes out of the womb making 2-for-1 offers or trying to convince people to get on board with this exclusive one-time promotion. It's completely weird to have a skill and get paid for it, and to make work and get paid for it, when the thing the world needs most is the thing we would happily do for free. I get it, I do.  That's why this 6-pack shares my selling and making bank wisdom in ways that won't make you curl into a small ball and hope a meteor hits before you click 'send' on that email or ask a potential client to click the buy button. Enjoy these six podcast episodes (199 more here!), and let me know how they work out for you: k@kristenkalp.com! I'm ...
The Woo and Taboo 6-pack.
This six-pack of podcasts focuses on The Taboo and The Woo. (Other 6-packs include: rad humans and seemingly obvious but hard-earned wisdom.) First up: The Taboo! Did you fail to have healthy adult relationships modeled for you 'cause you grew up in a broken AF household, or was that just me? Let's talk about sex, the body, and being at home with yourself. I'll start by talking about how I was basically a walking brain carrier until age 31, and then share the steps I took to learn how to actually inhabit my body. (No that's NOT taught to us, and no you're NOT weird for not being able to do it. ::high fives to all those who read books for the entirety of summer instead of learning how to do bodily things::) Kim Anami talks about becoming a well-fucked woman in this podcast episode, and if you dig it ...
stillness
You know how there are lessons that take forever to learn? Like, YEARS? And they're not things you can learn on YouTube or Google or even pay someone else to do for you -- they're the lessons you. have. to. learn. This is a group of six of those lessons from my own life: the wisdom that seems SO OBVIOUS until you try to incorporate it into your being and actually live it. I'm revisiting my favorite podcast episodes for the summer, and your support means the world to me!  I suggest paying $10 per 100 minutes of listening. This keeps the podcast sustainable, ad-free, and accessible. 90% of my work is completely free. The other 10% is breathwork and coaching clients, which is when I use my most potent energies for pay. The podcast is an act of love, of sharing, and of my truest work. Your support means ...
The Rad Humans 6-Pack
As it's summer -- and therefore road trip season -- I thought you might enjoy hearing from some rad humans.  Nothing opens up the miles and feels more like possibility to me than listening to a good interview (or set of interviews!) on a long, long drive.  I hope you love each of these peeps as much as I do by the time you're done! A quick word of transparency: peeps are paid for their interviews, or I donate their compensation to charity at their request.  It's important to me that people, particularly women, are paid for sharing their expertise in dollars, not 'exposure.'  Now, on to the rad humans! Hey Berna makes talking about money not only accessible, but fun, and is guaranteed to make you laugh.  Even when talking about things like budgeting and debt.  WHY YES SHE IS AN ANGEL. Kristin Saylor is a combination of many ...
Your shame is not interesting.
This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said!  Listen in below or read along for a transcript. For all those in the back who are hiding in caves filled with guilt and regret and silence, I repeat: your shame is not interesting.  For the females meant to feel awful about everyday things like menstruation or using your voice or eating carbs or enjoying you-name-it, I repeat: your shame is not interesting. Unless you have recently taken up cannibalism or finished up a stint as a serial killer, your shame is not particularly justified or interesting. Of course, It will seem justified and interesting. Asshole brain needs you to believe that speaking your shame will kill you. Just thinking about it will cause your cheeks to redden, your heartbeat to quicken, and your hands to shake as if you're going straight into physical combat against a juggernaut. Brene ...
Craftboner headshot
Kiwi Schloffel founded Craft Boner when her left brain got too tired of being a genius -- an Apple genius -- and the rest is history. Her cards, postcards, totes, and home goods will soon grace your home with the perfect mixture of raunchy beauty and wit. Why will you love her, exactly?  When I asked Kiwi how she got such a fantastic sense of humor, she said: "When you're chubby and awkward with braces and glasses, you have to develop a personality." In this interview, we talk about: opening and closing her dream retail space within the course of two years the 'overnight' success fallacy and other creative myths culling half the products in her store at one fell swoop how to actually make money selling products (hint: it's not as easy as Etsy says!) growing up indoorsy with extremely outdoorsy parents hating but learning to cope with the ...
The Case for Intimacy.
Intimacy is vulnerable and counter-cultural, deeply intuitive and so, so risky. It's being stamped out of our minds, hearts, and culture via pseudo-intimacy in social media, as well as through ads and marketing. Everything and every product everywhere seems to point to intimacy -- our Starbucks will help our love life, our next meal will make us feel more connected as a family -- while very little actually gives us what we seek. As humans, we are allegedly more connected than ever, but that connection is often whittled down to photos of sandwiches and cute dogs and hating the same political candidates, not about noticing the tilt of our hearts toward the same distant moon. That's why today, I wanted to talk about intimacy that goes far beyond the sexual to encompass the deeply connected experience of humans being alive in tight emotional spaces. I argue that we can all ...
pleasure activism
There's a thing I noticed when talking with my coaching peeps: fun is hard for most of 'em, and enjoyment is really hard to come by.  Most would rather work even harder than spend any time at all enjoying what they've already worked so hard to make happen. If I ask you to work 30 more hours next week in the name of living a better life, most of you would do it. Yes, of course, I can work harder! But if I ask you to have 30 orgasms next week in the name of having a better life -- solo, partnered, whatever -- most of you would shrink back and find a reason to run multiple miles in the other direction, even though you've only gotten as far as downloading the Couch to 5K app in your running plans. Pleasure scares the shit out of us, as a society, ...
Bear Hebert headshot
When you're coming across new ideas, there's a real temptation to share them with EVERYONE before you've had time to marinate in them thoroughly. That's why I'm bringing you straight to the source of many of my newest ideas and ways of rethinking business: Bear Hebert. They've already been featured in the 'I hate having a coach' episode, as Bear is my coach, but I wanted to bring them onto the podcast and talk revolutionary ideas in real time. In this interview, Bear Hebert and I talk about h-u-g-e issues like: + recognizing capitalism's role in our society and our own lives + creating a business on your own terms + alternative ways to be paid for your work + scarcity, abundance, and defining enough + internal stability and security for creative humans Bear consistently pushes back against the animating myths of our society, forcing you and me and everyone ...
Sarah Von Bargen talks $ w/out making you want to puke.
A few months ago, Sarah Von Bargen and I had a brilliant conversation about habits and making new ones, and I was really proud of how it came out, and then Zencastr ate it. Just...ate it. Bear couldn't save the audio. So, here we are trying again, with a new topic! We're talking about money. ::hears collective groan:: I know you'd rather not, because if one more person tells you to cut out lattes or drink your alcohol at home instead of at Happy Hour you'll flip the tables and burn their house down. I get it. We dismiss Suze Ormann within 90 seconds of starting the conversation. Sarah's talking all about money in a new way. What if we simply prioritized our purchases instead of spending on autopilot? What if we tapped into our unused resources to get a bank boost whenever we'd like? (Read: what if you sold ...
banana
Last week was the cannabis episode, which was, honestly, harrowing. To record and to share. I told Bear I was pretty sure it would end my career, that all my clients would abandon me, and that I'd never work again. He said, "Have you ever felt like this before?" "YUP," I answered, "so many times." Every time something awesome is about to happen, in fact. So, I hit publish and then geared myself up for another round of more of the same. This week, it's another taboo: sex! I can feel my palms sweating as I type. I'm sharing anyway. You can listen in or keep reading... Let's start back in the day, shall we? Throughout my teen years and high school, I went to various ultra-conservative Christian workshops and meet-ups in places as exotic as Orlando and Salt Lake City. I was on the Bible quiz team. I came ...
cannabis
Six years ago, I promised that if and when I found anything that helped me beat Seasonal Affective Disorder -- aka winter depression -- I'd let everyone know. Little did I know that instead of sharing some rad supplement or kickass energy work, I'd end up talking about one of American society's biggest taboos: cannabis. Weed. Marijuana. Ganja. Mary Jane. Whatever you call it, my inner Nancy Reagan is SCREAMING right now.  I'd never given cannabis a try (except that one lackluster time in college), so all of this was/is new to me. Buds, bongs, joints, highs, edibles...all of it. I'm telling you what happened when I smoked weed for the first time, as well as what I've tried, what worked, what didn't, and why I'm (finally) not depressed in this episode of the podcast! If you're curious about cannabis, currently suffering from depression, or already love this wonder plant ...
There's no substitute for being seen.
Last week, we talked all about the dangers of the instant: instant solutions, instant answers, instant answers to difficult and complex problems. We talked about how the instant is meant as a shortcut to certainty, and in the meantime it cuts off depth, meaning, and the practice of craft. As I sat with the episode, and listened to it on a gorgeous drive through the Philly springtime, it struck me that we haven't finished diving into the instant. That leads us to this episode of That's What She Said: there's no substitute for being seen! More than cutting off depth and meaning -- which are abstract concepts -- we often use the instant to prevent ourselves from being seen. If we could just fill our dockets and calendars and coffers without ever being vulnerable, we think we'd be blissfully happy. Maybe those sales funnels made of fill-in-the-blanks, or that strategy ...
This might take a while. (The podcast I'm most proud of!)
Have you ever made a thing you're really proud of? Like, you can tell it's good even though you're your own worst critic and of course there are things that could be improved but DAMN, you did a good job? That would be this episode of the That's What She Said podcast. Finally -- at episode 190 -- I'm pulling out the YOU MUST LISTEN TO THIS card. This episode took weeks of percolating and hours of discussion (with actual other humans!) before it ever got written down, edited, or recorded. Let's talk about craft, the rise of the instant, and the death of meaning. Let's talk about how to avoid buying the 'perfect' solution that always, always falls flat. Let's talk about why pro athletes get so much attention and praise, that time I absolutely fell flat at a speaking gig and never recovered, the jaguar that lives in ...
I hate having a coach.
Have you ever taken a break from something, and when you returned you were like, THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER BUT ALSO IT'S SO GOOD FOR ME AND I LOVE IT...? For me, that's the experience of having a coach. It's been seven years since I paid a mentor of any kind to help in my business -- and I'd forgotten how vulnerable and messy and tricky and awful and wonderful and lovely and helpful it can be to have someone in your corner.  (For more conclusions about throwing down mad cash for a business mentor: the trouble with bullet points and no more business frappuccinos.) In this episode of the That's What She Said podcast, we talk through the four phases of any coaching practice, why they each suck (which is also what makes them awesome), and how to go about hiring a coach of your own. YES, ...
How to find your voice when it's gone missing.
In this episode of the That's What She Said podcast, we dive into finding your voice when it's been a loooong time since you've heard from it. If you feel like the advice from the Voice podcast series has been missing something, or you were screaming at your screen while listening because HOLY SHIT KRISTEN IT ISN'T THAT EASY, this is Step Zero. Step Zero is the often-missed first, most important step in learning anything new. If, for example, you want to learn to ride a skateboard, Step Zero is obtaining a skateboard. All the padding and gear and instruction in the world won't help if you haven't got a board with four wheels attached to practice with, right? If you've been trying to listen to what's going on within you and coming up with nothing but silence, you might fall into despair, deem yourself broken, freak out, and give ...
How to find the next right step.
When we feel confused, broke, scared, or tired, we so often turn to other people for answers. We seek clarity by asking our friends what they think, asking our partners about our newest ideas, or buying a program, class, book, or service that promises to give us The Answer, once and for all. Clarity that doesn't come from within you won't last. It might help you get a better SEO ranking for that webpage, or it might help get you a few Instagram followers, but you'll be back to square one -- confused, broke, scared, or tired -- in no time if you aren't connected with the deepest parts of yourself. Clarity that doesn't come from hearing your own wisdom is extremely profitable for other people. If I can just convince you that I have The Answer, then you'll buy it and I'll move along to the next person. If, ...
Pamela Bates work
Have you ever had art jump off the page, screen, or wall to talk with you?  That's what Pamela Bates' work did when I first encountered it, and she was gracious enough to agree to my interview for the That's What She Said podcast.  This graphic designer turned painter is making a career of her art after a long career working behind screens, and she's so damn inspiring that you've just gotta listen in. Pamela and I talk quite a bit about the important of consistency in creating, marketing and showing your work, and how to get over the lurking self doubt and fear that can mess with even the most talented of humans.  She also discusses her latest collections, including the 100 day project-based Head Over Heart. "Get over the fear of tooting your own horn. Toot it as loud as you can!" During our talk, we cover: 'the ...
voice workshop headshot
Today, we dive into the last of the four qualities that bring the best of your voice to light: wildness, kindness, bravery, and, today, clarity. (Listen to the other podcasts in the series: your work is not your worth and what does your work have to do with your voice?) Clarity is tricky in real life, since we're never given a 27-point plan to follow about anything, let alone the most important parts of our lives. It's hard to know we're doing the right thing at any point with regards to something as simple as eating carbs. (Science differs!) Or screens. (Is Netflix self care or self sabotage? Depends on the day.) Throw some big-picture scenarios into the mix and it often feels impossible to know if we're on the right path with regards to anything at all. Instead of promising I can give you simple clarity or deliver your ...
Brave is just another word for 'Vulnerable.'
This is part 5 in the Voice podcast series. Past episodes include: your work is not your worth. This is what your voice has to do with your work and worth. How to take time off.  Nice and kind are not the same. You don't have to go in order! When I talk with my coaching peeps 1-on-1 about being a little more vulnerable in business, they usually freak out. They imagine a world in which every secret they’ve ever had is laid bare and then featured on a reality show that’s beamed into every home on the planet — AND it’s shot in HD so that every pore on their face has its own character name and story line. That's not the case, and I want to address this as an introduction to the sort of brave that affects your voice (or lack thereof) the most: vulnerability. Let's dive ...
Nice and kind are not the same.
Let's review what we've done so far in the Voice series, shall we? First, we determined that your work is not your worth. Then, we talked about what your work and worth have to do with your voice. Last week, we covered the four elements of a resonant voice in the modern world, and I introduced you to the 'wild' element by teaching you how to take time off. (Which is something 100% of my clients ask for help with, so please don't think I'm being patronizing. It took me years to learn how to run a business and then, at times, leave the business alone so that I could be a human with a life outside of my work.) Today, let's dive into Kind. Nice and kind are not the same. They sound the same, and I'll bet some people even use the two words interchangeably, but they're about ...
How to take time off. An introduction to WILD.
Welcome to part three of the Voice series! Listen to episode 1 and episode 2 if you wish, or dive in below: At the recent meeting of my KK on Tap peeps -- (click here to get in on coaching for the entirety of 2019!) -- we had plowed through the set of initial questions and were getting to the ones that people usually deem too 'stupid' to ask. I LOVE 'STUPID' QUESTIONS. They're usually exactly the thing everyone in the room is thinking or feeling, and thus they reveal whole worlds when they're out in the open. "How do you take time off?" We had to walk through what taking time off isn't, so I'll recap for you: Tackling new work projects you didn't have time for during the year is not time off. Working 2 or 3 hours less than usual is not time off. Comprehensively crossing every ...
What do work and worth have to do with your VOICE?
This is episode #2 of the Voice podcast series, and I didn't even mention your voice at all in part one. Well spotted. Here's the thing: if your work and your worth are inextricably bound together, you're highly unlikely to use your real voice in any but the safest of environments. (Read: never.) When a customer deciding not to use your services really means there's something wrong with you and you're not good enough -- OF COURSE you'll take it personally and then try even harder to please absolutely everyone by becoming more bland and broadly appealing. When a criticism of something as simple as your color choices is, in your view, also a commentary on the ways you're a waste of humanity, OF COURSE you're not going to share your work with many people, or spend years pondering font choices in the hopes that you will be immune to ...
more money headshot
As you continue to be hit with the 'New Year, New You' vibes that encourage everything from starting a Keto Diet to taking endless free trainings that end in pitches for multi-thousand dollar programs, I wanted to give you a few ways to make more money that cost nothing more than your time. $0 way to make more money #1: Separate your work from your worth in the world. The value of your work is dependent upon many factors; some economic, some artistic, and some woven into the fabric of society itself. That’s why tying your work — specifically, the number of dollars it brings in — to the sum total of your worth is bound to disappoint you. If you've ever said, "I'm gonna charge what I'm worth" or "they're not willing to pay what I'm worth," stop EVERYTHING and listen in. That's dangerous talk, and we can untie ...
Charge what you're worth is bad business advice. If you're looking for pricing tips or advice on how to price your products, read this first.
This is episode #180 of the That's What She Said podcast -- and part 1 of the Voice series!  (Check out the Voice workshop here.) Listen in or read along below. PPPST I MADE THIS A WORKBOOK JUST FOR YOU TO PRINT AND TOUCH AND USE AND ENJOY!  GET IT! <-----NO REALLY IT'S AWESOME. If you hang around the interwebs long enough, you'll find shit-tons of pricing advice for business owners, creative humans, and artists of all kinds. Mostly, this advice amounts to 'charging what you're worth.' It seems empowering and amazing, since it usually means 'charge more and actually make a profit at this business venture.'  But it's actually disempowering. There's an innate danger to saying, "I'm gonna charge what I'm worth." That statement unequivocally equates your work with the sum total of your worth as a human. Let's say you're a skilled clock maker living in 1823. You're the ...
How to clear energy and plan for the year ahead.
Psst! This is episode 179 of That's What She Said. You can listen in or keep reading to enjoy it! I was at Trader Joe's last week and my cashier looked STRESSED OUT. I said, "It's busy, huh? Are people crazy today?" She glanced from side to side and then looked me up and down, as if making sure I wasn't a Secret Shopper, before saying: "One lady yelled at me because she wanted a 15-pound turkey and hers was 14.9. I only have so much control over turkeys, lady." Over the past few weeks, I've also found myself asking questions to my KK on Tap peeps like, 'When is your cut-off deadline?' 'When are you done working?' 'Are you slowing down in December?' ...and then realized that I couldn't keep asking these questions without coming up with better answers myself. In an effort to slow down and avoid becoming ...
Beth Pickens knows Your Art Will Save Your Life.
Books that change us are rare, and those of us who adore books read and read and read and read and READ to find those lucky, magic tomes. Beth Pickens wrote a lucky, magic tome, and it's called Your Art Will Save Your Life. Beth describes her background working in the arts, nonprofits, administration, and counseling -- and how that combination resulted in the very specific art consulting work she now does.  Check out her workshops, her book, and her pamphlets (Making Art During Fascism!  On Artists and Hopelessness!), then listen in to our conversation below. "You will make work that has an enormous impact on someone. You may never meet or hear from them, but someone will encounter a work you make and it will do something transformative for them. They will be grateful you exist, thankful you made the work and let it be out in the world ...
This is part of it.
You know that thing where, once you've experienced an event, your brain gets a bit of distance and can safely pretend it was easy the whole time? Like you were just born winning, and then you nailed it, and after that you crushed it, and then it was a field of victories, trophies, and achievements from there on out? Yah, this is not that. I made two podcasts for you -- one before the Steer Your Ship retreat, and one after -- so I wouldn't be giving you the #crushingit story without the part where I trampled mums at Trader Joe's and yelled at Bear and cried in the car and wanted to call the whole thing off. (You know, standard practices of the Winning Is All I Do Club.) If you have a hard thing coming up and you wonder how you'll manage? This is for you. If you've ...
The Personal and the Political
In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk about making art when assholes are in power, bridging the gap between 'professional' and political, using versus spending your privilege, and the fine art of channeling fury into fuel. "...this is your life and you can't put it on hold because assholes are in power. Assholes, after all, have always been in power." -- Beth Pickens, Your Art Will Save Your Life When I get fired up, I write poems. This is the one that come out today. Dear Casey, I'm sorry this is how you'll turn 18, with a man who brags about grabbing pussy as President. I'm sorry the adults in the room haven't managed to topple the systems of oppression we were born supporting. I'm sorry for your trans friends who are being quite literally eliminated today, as if they never existed, as if they can be ...
So This Is the End with Alexandra Franzen.
Have you ever followed a person for years without unsubscribing from their newsletter? I can only say that about a handful of people, and Alexandra Franzen is one of them. Writer, teacher, inspiring human, she's with us in this episode of That's What She Said to talk about her new book, 'So This Is the End,' available in hardcover now. "The whole story came into my brain in a dream. It was the most intense dream I'd ever had. And then I decided, I wanna write about this." 'So This Is the End' is a 24-hour, 24-chapter novel following a woman on her last day of life, and she knows it's her last day of life. Alexandra and I talk about how the novel came to be optioned for a TV series (!!!) after being released as a free download on her website. (YES, it went from free download to ...
Why is breathwork helpful? What does breathwork do? How do you do breathwork? All great questions! Click through an find out why I swear by breathwork and how it changed my life!
A dear friend pointed out that I've said lots about breathwork and how great it is on the regular, but haven't gone into the 'why' of it at a deeply personal or professional level. So, let's talk about it!  Let's dive into WHY you should take up this wondrous practice that is never further away than your own breath. This is episode #173 of the That's What She Said podcast, so listen in or keep reading if that's your preference! In 7 words: breathwork is a doorway to the divine. In way more words: Imagine your interior life as a house. Most rooms have life and movement. They're brimming with activity and there's sunshine coming through the windows. There are also dark rooms. Boxes, locked. Tucked away, dusty places. Spaces full of "I'm never going to feel that way again." We all lock parts of ourselves away, until eventually we ...
How to lose 100 pounds in about an hour.
When the Western world talks about losing weight, we're nearly always referring to our physical bodies.  But everything else in our lives has weight, too: our possessions, our financial choices, our emotions, and our worries, to name a few. In this episode of That's What She Said, we dive deeper into what it looks like to lose weight beyond the whether-or-not-you-have-a-thigh-gap level.  (Because the presence or absence of a thigh gap is the least interesting thing about you.) The goal is to feel...lighter. Do any one of the tasks presented for about an hour to gather some rad benefits. The goal is not to do all of them, or you'll feel like a failed Marie Kondo instead of a freaking champion. (Konmari for Business is here.) Let's lose weight in physical-but-not-bodily, financial, and emotional ways. The free breathwork session mentioned is called Lighter. You can get it right here ...
Tiny, annoying progress.
Psst!  This is an episode of That's What She Said!  You can listen in below, or scroll for the gist.  Have you ever experienced a thing and when it was finally over, you looked back and said, 'I don't know how I survived that?' I first remember feeling that way after taking long math tests in high school. Like, 'if someone made me do that again right now, I couldn't.' Calculus fried my brain and I still haven't used even one thing I learned in that class, so Mrs. Lesko lied, HARD, about its usefulness. I also had that 'couldn't do it again' feeling with things like my marriage, and working at the exact wrong school fresh out of college, so the scale of 'I can't believe I survived that' runs the gamut from utterly insignificant math problems to taking up about a decade of my life. The health phase ...
Struggling to communicate with your customers? Trying to communicate with your clients but it feels pushy and sales-y? Click through to business advice you won't find elsewhere!
Let's get you started on the road to Actually Talking To Your Peeps On A Regular Basis Without Shame and Fretfulness. This is an episode of the That's What She Said podcast! You can tune in below or keep scrolling to get the gist. For lots of years, I figured someone else knew best about how I should be talking to my peeps about my business. That sounds silly to admit now, but I trusted 'experts' to help me navigate the world of business instead of acknowledging that what I was being told frequently felt 'off,' wrong, and generally gross. Mostly I was told to hustle all the time, but be 'authentic,' but not too authentic because you need to be professional, but not too professional because then you don't stand out from the crowd, and 'put yourself out there' but NOT LIKE THAT. I hated hearing from people and ...
Let's talk money with Hey Berna
The voices of typical financial gurus slide over my brain without taking hold: "Roth IRA blah blah INVESTMENTS blah blah 401(k) blah blah mutual funds blah I'm wearing a suit that cost more than your car blah...blah blah."  I am an intelligent human, and yet.  THE BOREDOM.  Oh, the boredom! How can anyone pay attention to financial advice for *any* period of time? Enter Hey Berna. I was just rolling along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden she helped me realize I could be earning free flights using airline points, and it's so simple that I should stop everything and do that right now!  So, I'll be taking a ton of free flights this year, and I know what my credit score is because I check it weekly, and I now regularly deposit dollars into an investment account.  BECAUSE BERNA. In this interview, we talk about ALL ...
Find Your Rhythm.
This final installment of the Steer Your Ship series starts with a bunch of insightful and genius questions, which you can listen to below, or you can get the abridged version and talk about your calendar.  It's the key to finding your rhythm. Let's create a personal calendar that takes time off for rest, allows steadiness or experimentation to take the stage, and that actively accounts for your energetic ebbing and flowing. In my case, that means using times of peak energy to plan for the lower months. I call it a depression calendar: reasons to get out of the house when the sun sets at 4:30 p.m. and I'd rather be in bed than anywhere at all. I've covered this in depth in episode 78, Depression: A Working Theory, but here's the gist from a few years of playing with the methodology. Finding a rhythm is all about making ...
Shape Your Business Life.
This is part 3 of the Steer Your Ship curriculum!  Here are parts one and two. This portion of the Steer Your Ship experience happens when everyone has had a few days to dive deep into their own interiors, when we've bonded as a group, and after everyone has had hotseats. That means we're finally primed to take on extremely practical money issues, pricing issues, and general shaping of business issues.  These matters aren't easy to face and OOH WOW SHINY THINGS are easier to pay attention to on any given day. Instead of going into the precise curriculum and giving you point subpoint bullet point sub-subpoint details, complete with worksheets and spreadsheets (read: you run for the hills and freak the fuck out), let's do a quick journey instead. This is an eyes closed edition of the podcast, so you'll want to tune in later if you're currently driving, ...
Choose the important.
This is part 2 of my sneak peek at the Steer Your Ship curriculum, which starts with Stop the Overwhelm.  Start there, then come back here and dive in! Once you've stopped the tyranny of busy for just a moment, we've cleared enough space to examine your daily schedule with a tad more clarity. This podcast episode helps you take a look at your current priorities without judgement, freaking out, or hiding under a rock until the Trump presidency ends. In this episode of That's What She Said, you'll learn: ⚡️the combination of life items everyone deems important -- and what we treat as important instead 😉 ⚡️five questions to help you sort the important from the urgent ⚡️my secretly effective way of getting messages from my best self ⚡️how to know if the message you received is true, or is just your asshole brain at work If you'd like ...
Stop the overwhelm.
When I talk to peeps about the most frustrating aspects of their businesses, they generally tell me that a.) they want to make more money and b.) they're overwhelmed. If you can't handle what you currently have going on, adding more will only stress you out further.  Thus, being overwhelmed is the natural starting point for entering into a more meaningful and profitable business. Let's stop the overwhelm. This is a tiny portion of Phase One of the Steer Your Ship curriculum, to help you figure out whether it's right for you. You can listen to this on the podcast, or keep reading for the text version! First, let's talk muggling. I define muggling as 'all those tasks that aren't particularly magical but that keep you alive, functioning, and earning dollars as a business owner.' Checking your email, for example, isn't particularly sexy and doesn't appear on the top of ...
How do I know if X program is for me?
When it comes to hiring a coach, bettering your business, or joining a community -- you've got roughly one biiilllion options.  ::insert Dr. Evil laugh here:: There are plenty of opportunities you're interested in, but immediately pass up because they seem to be expensive.  Only they're actually investments, and the best investments double or triple or quintuple in value over time. We often make the mistake of seeing investment in an experience as the risk, when the far greater risk is being stuck exactly where we are. With simple math, we can see that if you are trying to make triple your money back and invest $2,000, you're likely to make close to six grand -- but if you invest $39 in some ready-made solution or template, you're likely to make...NEARLY $120 when your investment triples. As humans, we get so much life, aliveness, vitality, and soul juice from growth ...
Tell On Yourself.  (Or, how to be less afraid of asshole brain.)
Psst! This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said. You can read it by continuing to scroll or listen in here. Either way, this is a snippet I wrote *years* ago, and I am in no longer in the place I describe. ::mwah:: I'm deeply depressed and can't see it because I'm FINE, DAMMIT. I wake him up and lay into him with a list of all the things he's done wrong: too this, not enough that, too much this, not nearly enough that. Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke. He doesn't get angry. He doesn't even defend himself. He just says, "If you really feel that way, maybe I should pack my things." Tears are streaming down my face and I can't understand why I'm doing this, but I hear my voice mutter, "Maybe you should." He's in the hallway gathering a handful of possessions ...
That's just the way it is, internal oppression, and smashing the patriarchy.
This is an episode of my podcast, That's What She Said!  You can listen in or read the condensed version below. Patriarchy is, as defined by the Google in simple language, "a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it." You might agree that patriarchy is a thing, or you might be like, 'But wait!  I have power!  I own a business/write books/say what I want/do what I want!"  And yes, that's true.  I'm not talking about empowerment of a single human, but of systems of power tipped in favor of males. To draw the outline of this issue in everyday, relatable terms: I grew up attending the Roman Catholic church, which influences -- by Google's stats as of today -- 1.2 BILLION people.  A lot of people, a lot of influence, yes?  Not a single woman at the local, ...
Get. Bigger.  (That's what she said.)
In this interview with Nick McArthur, we talk all about the ways we make ourselves small (and smaller still) in order to fit in with the world, and how to begin reversing that pattern. “We know what the world wants from us. We know we must decide whether to stay small, quiet, and uncomplicated or allow ourselves to grow as big, loud, and complex as we were made to be. Every girl must decide whether to be true to herself or true to the world. Every girl must decide whether to settle for adoration or fight for love.” -- Glennon Doyle I could give you a bullet-pointed list of the things we cover, or you could just trust me and listen 'cause Nick is brilliant, witty, wise, and sure to get you ballsier every time you lend him your ear. We're sick of seeing women play small, put themselves last, ...
alicia bruce headshot
Alicia Bruce is my personal photographer -- meaning 99% of the shots of me that you see with pink hair involve her and a trip to Asbury Park -- and I can't freaking wait for you to meet her! In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk about: ⚡️her journey from being a person who had a panic attack every time she flew to a person who leads international travel trips for women ⚡️the development of a brand that used to be utterly out of alignment with her quirks to one that is so.spot.on.holy.crap. ⚡️going from a person who "hates to feel" as an empath to someone who has a full range of emotions and isn't afraid to feel them ⚡️her experience with Steer Your Ship -- both good and terrifying ⚡️business experiments that have led to new income streams (and more ? than expected) ⚡️what her partner ...
Market Your Magic Part II ⚡️M-School Part 7
In this, the final episode of M-School -- i.e. magic school for entrepreneurs -- we break down *exactly* what you'll be creating, promoting, moving, and/or shipping for the next six months. We'll walk through each part of making a marketing calendar, step by step, without freaking out or being overwhelmed by all the possibilities. I know this is difficult. Your brain will naturally tell you that you have no idea what you're doing. It will say that what you're coming up with won't work, hasn't worked in the past, or is just plain stupid. It will say that marketing can't be this simple, or that your ideas are dumb, or that you're too fat/lazy/stupid/tired/busy to do this right now. That's just your asshole brain coming in to sabotage you. Remember your personal Voldemorts. Remember why you're choosing to be in business in the first place. Remember why you're choosing to ...
Market Your Magic ⚡️M-School #6
In the 6th installment of M-School, my magic school for entrepreneurs, we tie everything together with numbers and common sense and use calculators and projections to do practical work!  (Here are episodes one, two, three, four, and five in case you want to catch up.) THERE IS NOTHING MAGIC ABOUT THIS PROCESS. It's simple, straightforward math. The magic comes in learning to let out your meows via marketing, in learning how and when to sell through the practice of moguling, and in learning to be paid for bringing your magic to light. But this? This is just math. Odds are that you avoid this straightforward stuff like the plague, especially if you deem your numbers paltry or you're just starting out and so you're looking at seemingly endless rows of expenses and a big fat $0 in the income department. Facing up to that big fat $0 is the first ...
Make Meaning ⚡️M-School #5
It's easy to make meaning from the prettiest, best moments of our lives, but that's not the job of M-School.  (This is episode 5, here are episodes one, two, three, and four.) Making meaning from failure is the most important act you'll undertake during our time together. Before we go any further, grab a piece of paper and list 5 of what you consider to be your biggest failures. You don't have to share these with anyone, but go ahead and write 'em down before you keep going. PLEASE. FAILURES: A CHRONICLE ?  That time (okay, those many, many times) I would steal away to Grandma's house and Mom would yell, "Don't have a bowl of ice cream!" before I left, so I would have TWO bowls of ice cream when I got through Grandma's front door. I was 5 (and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9), finding ways ...
Embrace the Mystery ⚡️ M-School #4
In today's installment of M-School (catch up on episodes one, two, and three), we’ll wander in the Forbidden Forest to face uncertainty, doubt, and wonder in their natural habitat. Hard questions, brutal truths, and more muggle-y stuff like finding ideal clients and selling naturally will be tackled as we make more room for your particular magic in business. We hate mystery unless it's in a movie we're watching or a book we're reading. In real life, particularly in our own lives, we want to be 100% clear, certain, and precise all the time. That means we never wander in the Forbidden Forest, exploring the many creatures and wonders that live there full time. We stick to the manicured grounds of our own psyches, fearing the weird, crazy, amazing, terrible, and horrifying things that live just beyond the darkness of those trees. Today, let's face three inhabitants of the Forbidden Forest ...
Heal the Horcruxes ⚡️M-School # 3
Here's an excerpt from today's podcast, Heal the Horcruxes, part three of M-School.  Here are parts one and two. The most common horcrux in the world is MORE. ...and where you can see and then learn to put down all the ways you've fallen for 'More,' you can choose to pick up 'enough.' When we talk about having enough, we're talking about realizing our place in the world. If you've ever been on a plane, you're among roughly the wealthiest 1% of the world's population in all of time. Lemme repeat: if you've ever been on a plane, you're among the wealthiest 1% of the world's population. So when we talk about more, and we talk about enough, we're splitting hairs about your relative wealth. By virtue of your reading this, you can count yourselves as one of the wealthiest humans ever to have lived on the planet, even if ...
Deal with Dementors -- ⚡️M-School #2
This is M-School installment #2!  The first one lives here. When you begin to back off on the shoulds that you've been feeding on, there will be varying degrees of chaos. If you aren't pursuing that thing and those things and you admit that you no longer care about alllll that, you're left with a bunch of dead, spindly creatures who haunt you like crazy. Dementors. Whether they take the form of something simple, like creating a social media account you have no interest in populating with stuff, or something far more complex, like creating a whole business around the things people said you should do "because you're really good at them." Whether they led you to the wrong relationship or simply led you to the wrong yoga class, don't beat yourself up about the time you've wasted. Simply acknowledge the shoulds that you've shucked off, and then notice how ...
What can you learn about business from Harry Potter? You'd be surprised. If you're looking for business advise outside the usual business tips, this blog post is for you! #harrypotter #businessadvice
Welcome to M-School, magic school for entrepreneurs! I'll happily read this to you in podcast form, or you can scroll to your heart's content below. The guys next to us on the highway are hanging out of the truck and wildly gesticulating at the front tire. They look more than a little panicked and the wheel appears to be smoking, so we pull over. I calmly open water bottle after water bottle, handing them across the front seat, while he douses the flaming wheel over and over again. (The kids are wrapped up in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban -- Buckbeak is about to be terminated, rendering the vehicle fire a minor disturbance.) The truck has to be towed. Its passengers have to be transported separately to the garage for repairs. The mechanic who's driving us is clearly intimidated by the presence of a pink-haired woman, three children, ...
Aimee Derbes is here to heal.
Aimee Derbes should be about 67 years old, based on her number of certifications and degrees: doctor of Chinese medicine, herbalist, reiki practitioner, breathwork practitioner, acupuncturist, and offerer of cupping and healing touch services as well. She's both my personal healer of choice and a tremendously gorgeous soul; a wise woman and a whipsmart human, too.  Listen in to this episode of That's What She Said as we talk about healing modalities, Western medicine, Eastern medicine, and the places where all three overlap. "Anything I'm telling people, I've experienced and used it on my self at some point."-- Aimee Derbes, Align New York Currently, Aimee and I are working together to heal my thyroid (listen in for the details on the differences between my 'primary care' physician and an appointment with Aimee), and along the way she's showing me how to show up fully for another person, how to be ...
Remember?  Your aliveness, coral reefs, and your ?
I stumbled upon some new-to-me news this week, and I wanted to share it at both a physical and metaphorical level. Across the world, coral reefs have been seemingly healthy, then they bleach, then they die forever, and the whole process can happen in just a few months. Stick with me, 'cause this is about your own aliveness as much as it is about the ocean. "Reefs occupy just 1% of the world’s marine environment, but they provide a home to a quarter of marine species—including a unique set of fish, turtles and algae. Many of these species could be lost permanently, but with temperatures only expected to rise in the coming decades chances are slim that reefs will be able to rebuild from scratch. 'You can’t grow back a 500-year old coral in 15 years,; says Eakin. 'In many cases, it’s like you’ve killed the giant redwoods.'" -- A ...
How to Break Up With Busy (and your ?, too)
Do you have any skills that are worthy of Trump-level bragging? Like, when people ask you to do something and you can answer, 'YES I'M THE BEST AT THAT, NO ONE DOES THAT BETTER THAN ME and also LOOK at the size of my hands...?????' 'Cause I do. Turns out I'm pretty damn good at my phone not ruling my life, and lots of peeps struggle with the whole how-do-I-get-my-phone-to-stop-being-my-evil-overlord thing. I made you a class to help you look up, live a life, and make room for exploring the depths. Yes, a class about phones is really about *depth.* In order to reach any sort of depth in life -- whether personally, professionally, emotionally, or spiritually -- you need space. Space to think, space to breathe, space to take care of yourself, and space to simply be. The growth you long for can't happen without space. Thus, this course! ...
Nic Antoinette headshot
"I had literally never been camping in my life." -- Nicole, just before starting on a 460-mile solo hike Nicole Antoinette is a wild, wise human. She hosts Real Talk Radio -- I was featured in season 12, if you want to hear me talking about being brave, getting bigger, and managing depression -- which has got over a million downloads and is just plain GOOD podcasting and interviewing and humanity-listening. In this episode of That's What She Said, we're talking about the craziness that possesses a human who has no history of camping or outdoorsy-ness to through-hike some of the nation's toughest trails. Whether you're a hiker or not (and I'm *definitely* not), you'll want to listen in as we talk about: + replacing addictive behaviors with healthy ones + self-reliance at its most literal + accessing the wild, ferrel, dirty state + the privilege of choosing our suffering ...
productivity police
Most people are afraid that having found the perfect parking spot on a busy day at the mall directly translates to someone they know being diagnosed with a horrible illness this week. Or that having spent a day doing nothing with no distractions will cause the roof to leak. Or that a stunning business success means the car will break down within minutes of cash hitting your bank account. Most people are absolutely terrified of joy. I get it: joy is vulnerable. Finding joy in the ocean or a lover or sunlight means you'll have to admit that not being near the ocean or that lover or sunlight can be painful. Further, because there's always something to be miserable about, joy is easy for other people to bat out of our hands and shame away: don't you know there are starving children/diseases/natural disasters/misery somewhere? HOW DARE YOU BE HAPPY!!!? So, ...
Anna Kunnecke
Okay, so. When asking if you want to listen to a master life coach talking about what your clutter and/or lack of having-it-togetherness could be doing to your life (I CAN *HEAR* YOUR EYES ROLLING FROM HERE), note that this woman is a wordnerd: "Reading is my most natural way to enter the world." ...and note that Anna Kunnecke is a kind, wise, and empathetic soul who won't shame you for your enormous laundry piles, the basement demon that's threatening to take over the living room with assorted junk, or the desk that's alleged to be there, somewhere under those 57,000 papers. In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk about: + Why The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up is absolutely impossible for most people (related: Konmari for business) + The seeeeeecret books Anna read like porn in elementary school + How she handled a life that felt ...
How to not hate being human and thrive as an empath
"I've never let myself trust love because I've never let myself trust pain. What if pain -- like love -- is just a place brave people visit? What if both require presence, staying on your mat, and being still? If this is true, then maybe instead of resisting the pain, I need to resist the easy buttons. Maybe my reliance on numbing is keeping me from the two things I was born for: learning and loving. I could go on hitting easy buttons until I die and feel no pain, but the cost of that decision would be that I'll never learn, love, or be truly alive." -- Glennon Doyle, Love Warrior In this episode of the podcast, we dive into the pain of being human, emotional walls, feeling like a victim of others' feels as an empath, and otherwise plunging into our own interiors while coping with being alive ...
kristin saylor headshot
If you're anything like me, you're fairly good at meeting strangers and dumping them into boxes based on first impressions. Okay, that guy's really into cars, that lady pours all her energy into her kids, that couple values prestige above all else, that dude is barely hanging on after coming out of rehab. You think you can compress a person into a sentence and a few characteristics even if you just met. (It's not true, of course, but most people are easily boxed into a category within seconds.) ...and then you meet Kristin Saylor. She's a priest -- yes, a female priest -- as well as a breathworker and an triathlete. That means she's got her hands in organized religion, secular meditation practice, and the world of the body, in which she runs and swims and bikes, on a daily basis. Kristin Saylor is unboxable. And you need to meet ...
Kristen Kalp find your voice
Before we hop into the big work of finding, refining, and using your voice, let's review the three threads. This is, so far as I know, an original concept of mine, which is why you might be like, "WTF are you talking about I've never heard of the three threads before..." Right. I know. Thus, an explanation. (Also, they're explored in waaay more detail in podcast 105: how to get to anywhere you want to go.) After finding, buying, and doing a vast number of 6-or-7-step programs to help grow my business, find my path, and/or hone in on my truest work, I got really freaking frustrated. I was always off-base or outside the formula given by step number three of a seven-step program. DUDE. Could I please not pay thousands of dollars to use less than forty percent of any given class? Please? Turns out, nope I couldn't. So ...
show work painting Kristen Kalp
Heads up: this episode of the podcast is coming to you from a bubble bath in California, 'cause inspiration struck. Lots of us do invisible work and then resent the crap out of people who fail to see it. In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk about making your work visible. Even your boring work, your dull work, your everyday work, and the work you're sure you'll be stuck doing until the end of time. What if we made our internal checklists visible to other humans? What if we changed up the 'just shut up and be a martyr' pattern and instead, asked for help? What if we asked for people to acknowledge our completed tasks, to-do lists, and the many items we accomplish on a daily basis? Once we tackle small to-do's and offload tiny tasks, we can build up to asking for help for big ...
Ready to tune into your intuition? Wondering if you're psychic? Aren't we all?! Click through for tips on how to increase your intuition and tune into that 'sparkly' feeling! #intuition #psychic
You know how the things you learned in school get less and less relevant with every year that you live in the real world?  You know how sometimes you've been guided to a part of the room/block/town/world without any explanation, and what seems like magic is waiting for you there?  You know how sometimes you struggle to find words for your experiences (even though you're a writer whose job it is to be articulate)? *This* is about that.  All of that. In this episode of That's What She Said, we dive into the ways you can deepen your everyday life by placing just a little more attention on a part of your intuition that I call 'sparkle.' Sparkle: the seemingly magnetic energy of an idea, concept, object, product, person, room, space, statement, or organization Sensing the sparkle: when you allow perceived sparkle (and the lack thereof) to influence your everyday ...
Kristen Kalp subscribers
I've been talking a lot with my nearest and dearest about growth lately. ...about how hard it is, and how slow it is, and how disorienting it is to keep leaving behind the pieces of your experience and your self that you thought would always matter. Growth is a slow walk down a very hot, very long, unpleasant corridor, in which you meet strange and wondrous creatures who challenge your most cherished ways of being at every turn. To be less vague about it: last year, I deleted over HALF my e-mail list because they weren't opening my e-mails anymore. I chose to send them a few 'hey it seems like I'm bothering you e-mails' with the option to re-engage, and then I cut 'em loose.  (Here are the other things you may have missed in 2017, if you're curious.) Translation: I have fewer subscribers right now than I did ...
vulnerability headshot
Psst! This is an episode of That's What She Said, my podcast! You can listen in below or keep reading and I'll tell all. When I talk with my peeps 1-on-1 about being a little more vulnerable in business, they freak out. They imagine a world in which every secret they've ever had is laid bare and then featured on a reality show that's beamed into every home on the planet -- AND it's shot in HD so that every pore on their face has its own character name and story line. Vulnerability doesn't have to happen all at once. You don't have to go from being a master of mystique to spilling your secrets in one fell swoop. Often, the first steps into vulnerability will look like having your face on your website. Your face in a headshot without your partner, your kids, your dog, your tools of the ...
2017 headshot
I have a great fear of repeating myself -- in print, in person, in podcast form -- anywhere at all -- and so my usual way of being is to move quickly from one thing to another, making more stuff and more stuff and EVEN MORE STUFF. So. Pause. Here's a bunch of the best stuff you might have missed in 2017. My best decision of the year was quitting Facebook. Here's what happened when I did, and here's how to quit Facebook in 8 steps. The work I'm most proud of having made: ⚡️ Coming out of the spiritual closet. If you're secretly woo, recovering from religion, and/or suspect the work you do in the world isn't enough to make a damn bit of difference to anyone, anywhere, this is for you. ⚡️ The long journey to the body. If you secretly view your body as a means of ...
Breathwork class // receive image
One of the themes I've been working on for years now is receiving. I've had to learn to receive compliments and pleasure and kindness and fulfillment in ever-increasing amounts since falling in love with Bear three years ago. If you're like, RECEIVING, KRISTEN!? REALLY THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM!?? MUST BE NICE. Stay with me. Receiving sounds AWESOME in theory but is often tricky in practice. How often do you let a compliment land instead of a.) doubting it or b.) returning it immediately to the person giving it? Read: NOILIKEYOURSWEATERBETTER!!!! Or: OHTHISOLDTHING,ITWAS$4ATTARGET. Have you ever been embarrassed by accepting a gift because your inner asshole brain is freaking out that you didn't bring a gift to give in return? Or that you brought the 'wrong' gift? Do you distrust strangers who are being nice to you because you assume they want something? To be perfectly frank: are you really all-the-way-down-okay with ...
just enough
As a kid, I belonged to a church called the Christian and Missionary Alliance. Translation of entire church philosophy (and I promise this applies to you, too): there's lots of work we can do in the world.  We can be plumbers and papermakers, opticians and electricians and teachers. There's every other profession in the world, and then there is MISSIONARY. Missionaries, because they give up so much of their lives in service to telling other people about the divine, was held up as the highest and most spiritual work you could do. There's everyone else, and then there's missionary. Missionaries are held in even higher esteem than pastors, because pastors get to stay in their home countries, while missionaries go out somewhere (anywhere the roads aren't well-paved and their lives are in peril will do) and talk about the divine. I grew up believing that the best, highest thing I ...
stillness
As the holiday season gathers steam, you'll find more offers, deals, promos, and sales in your inbox than ever before.  A reminder or twelve: you don't have to click on 'em. You don't have to buy anything just because there's 30% off on bacon-pancake-toast-maker combinations. You don't have to participate in the gears of capitalism on any given day of the year, even if you're a small business owner and some days come with hashtags. You have the right to create silence, stillness, and space on your terms. That might mean you unfollow or unsubscribe.  It might mean you spend no money during the biggest, most furious spending days of the year.  It could mean you quit the organizations you don't enjoy, turn down offers that aren't interesting, or unfetter yourself from obligations that make you want to poke your eyes out with the shards of old Christmas ornaments. You ...
Note to Self. (For the overachievers, strivers, and get-shiz-done-ers.)
You do not have to earn your keep by cleaning the house and making the meals and penning witty e-mails to keep everyone entertained while feeding yourself a steady diet of shitty television. You do not have to earn your keep. You do not have to earn your keep. You do not have to earn your keep. The gift is the breath, is being alive, is standing at the shores of yourself and plunging further in than ever before. It's not dramatic at first glance but it IS a matter of life and death. You're alive, so act like it. Watch the dogs and roll around with them. Follow small children and let them teach you. Gather treasures while you move through the streets. Leave them behind for others to find. Put down your striving and your need to be always, always working harder. Put down your productivity. Stop holding ...
Do you have a moment to talk about your groceries.
You know how sometimes, in the midst of a profound and deep conversation, you'll stumble upon some simple thing that ruins every human's day-to-day existence and be like, "THAT????" THAT'S the thing that trips us up? Yah. Found it. And it's friggin *groceries.* In this episode of That's What She Said, we talk groceries and the people who buy them (and when and how and for which meals and all that jazz). This isn't the most exciting podcast episode ever, but it *is* capable of catapulting you into an alternate universe where grocery shopping is not the bane of your existence. P.S. Related: everything I know about time management ...
tunnel for coping 101
You know how sometimes we sensitive and empathic folks can pretend like we're so strong and get lots of shit done and are all, LOOK AT ME, FUNCTIONING IN THE WORLD AS IF IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME DEEPLY FOR EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY!???? Today is not one of those days. There were 45 minutes of nonstop cell phone coverage captured by horrified people being shot (and shot at) in Las Vegas on Good Morning America this morning. By current counts, 59 people are dead in the country's largest mass shooting to date, and 500+ are injured. Good morning, America. 3.4 million people are without power and over half of that count is without access to clean water in Puerto Rico as a result of Hurricane Maria. There are still long lines for dwindling amounts of things like food and basic being-a-human supplies. Oh, and bonus. Tom Petty ...
depths headshot
I used to write all my articles in about twenty minutes. I touted myself as a productive and efficient writer, popping off 1,000 words in no time flat. And THEN. As the depth of my writing increased over the years -- going from 'how to build an e-mail list in 15 minutes or less' to 'reasons I cried in Hawaii' -- from 'how to hold a sale without breaking your brand' to 'internal goals,' my writing pace slowed. When it took longer to come up with the recent 'get picky' than with 'behind the scenes with every product I use in business,' I was at wit's end. (Tell me you see where this is going.) Naturally, I blamed my depression. Something must be wrong, right? Something must have gone awry, right? I must be broken, RIGHT? Nah. Depths take time to reach. In relationships, in humans, in writing, in life ...
Hermit cabin
Have you been breathing lately? Are you still a human? If yes, you might be tempted to retreat from any and all things that involve other humans and never, ever come out of your home again. I get it. But... Completely abandoning your routine, your clients, and/or your loved ones at the drop of a hat (or the latest news update involving untold bigotry/racism/sexism/xenophobia/all of the above) will only hurt you in the long run. You can hermit responsibly, with minimal impact on your income and on your most important relationships. Promise. I do that shit from November until March. In this episode of That's What She Said, I'll walk you through simple and definitive steps to hermit on the regular without getting to the breaking point where you're forced to retreat into your bedroom with only chocolate and Slim Jims for sustenance until you can face the world again ...
The four kinds of tired.
Most people I meet live in a constant state of describing themselves as 'tired.' We use that word like it means just one thing, but when we go one sentence into "Tell me about being tired," we find wildly varying circumstances. There's the entrepreneurial kind that's been working itself to the bone for weeks on end. There's the comparison kind that scrolls through Instagram all day and comes up short on inspiration. There's the actual, physical kind that sleep and hydration can fix. There's oh-here-we-go-again when a life pattern repeats tired. There's just-had-a-freaking-newborn tired. There's the particular sort of exhaustion that's born of death, of a relationship ending, or of raising a toddler. There are many, many shapes and textures to exhaustion, but not all forms are created equal. Yes, you're tired. But you don't have to stay that way. When we get a handle on the type of exhausted ...
Looking for free tools for your business? Click through for a roundup of the business tools, social media schedulers, and business platforms I swear by - both free and paid! #businesstools #businesstips
For some reason, I adore behind the scenes round-ups of the tools and programs and services people use to make their livelihoods work.  Thus, I rounded up my own list to share with you!  When in doubt, assume I've tried 3-7 versions of a thing before settling on the thing I'm recommending.  Brand new additions to the tech team are *not* included, as they haven't been time-tested and I don't want to steer you wrong. Free programs and services For writing: Open Office When I'm drafting blog posts, working on anything business-related, or editing for ghostwriting clients, you'll find me typing away in Open Office. Much like Microsoft Word, this software is free and does everything I need on ye olde MacBook.  (Sometimes I even downgrade and use TextEdit because I'm so committed to being distraction-free.) For e-mail: Gmail I love G-mail, adore all its features, and prefer to keep ...
What, therefore, should we do? The most helpful question ever.
Have you ever stumbled upon someone new on the internet and been like, THIS PERSON IS THE ANSWER!! and so you download all their things and join all their groups and then...you're sorely disappointed? This is a story about that experience, but it's also a story about the changes we can make, both within ourselves and to the world around us, using a single tale of disappointment to hold the center of the tale firmly in place. Want me to read this to you? Listen in below. I joined a new group of females in an online group and lasted nearly a week before I had to quit. Example #1. A female business owner said that a man was clearly sexist because he was making his payments late. The top 3 comments were: "What a prick!" "What a dick!" and "What an asshole!" First, that's a lot of anger without ...
Get picky.
Imagine, for a moment, that you're walking down the street and see a sign for Free Tattoos. You've been pinning tattoos for months and you have so many ideas for a new tattoo! You really want one and this person is giving them away for FREE! So you go and get it, right? Because free beats not free, right? UH NO. We both know you don't take a free tattoo because um, lives-on-your-body-forever equals I-want-to-pay-for-expertise-and-artistry, thank you very much. We're incredibly careful about what we put on our bodies if we know it's going to stick around forever. Most of us are even careful about what we put into our bodies. (I'm assuming you don't live exclusively on Diet Coke and Doritos, thus indicating some level of careful-ness.) But what about we put into our minds? All of the things we consume -- social media feeds, movies, books, TV shows, ...
Joy is an act of resistance.
2017 has been fine for me personally, but HOLY SHIT THE REST OF THE WORLD.  It's been like a hate parade meets a parody of all that can go wrong with human rights meets a low-budget reality show meets The Handmaid's Tale. If you're in the wildly disorienting, WTF IS HAPPENING I DON'T UNDERSTAND and WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE and also WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE MY WORLDVIEW IS CRUMBLING phase, you might need a bit of help before you go charging into the rabbithole and start volunteering eighty hours a week at assorted nonprofits.  Not because they're not worthy, but because a foundation built of scratching, screeching despair and fear won't last long. First, reclaim your joy. You'll want to gird your loins against the sort of grief and hopelessness that can take you down for weeks/months/years at a time. That's where Joy is an Act of Resistance ...
Worthy
You're worthy of your desires. You deserve the warm embrace of joy and laughter wherever you find it. Your whole body longs for the ocean because you deserve the ocean, and you ache to travel because you deserve to see new things and experience new places and new people and soak in the mystery of being alive. You cannot earn a summer day. You cannot work your way to being worthy of stillness and quiet. You will never, ever deserve to browse that bookstore in Paris in the late afternoon. Not because you need to try harder, but because those things are already available to you -- right now -- and they are not matters of worthiness but of embracing your humanity. The soft wind, the beating heart, the smell of books on the second floor. You don't have to earn a single one. Your commitment to your work, your ...
More sales (and a really terrible sandwich)
I hate to cook. When people who love to cook hear this, they inevitably tell me that I should try X or maybe pick up Y or OOOH THE TURSHEN COOKBOOK WILL FIX THIS! Only NOPE, I still hate cooking so much that I buy my ice. I fight this anti-cooking tendency because I still have to eat. I chose a recipe this week and decided to pick up all the ingredients to make some sandwiches from Thug Kitchen. (Naturally, I picked the swear-iest cookbook imaginable.) Sunday night rolls around and Bear hears rumblings from the pantry. I've got out the Vitamix and I'm making mayonnaise! The black beans are cooking down! There's cumin on the counter! I'm slicing tomatoes and toasting bread to the perfect crispiness! I follow the steps precisely and don't even improvise a little. Do this, then this, then that, et voila! Only... Not voila. Soooooo not ...
Want to increase your libido, feel sexier, and enjoy sex more? OF COURSE YOU DO. Click through for tons of tips that will improve your sex life. #libido #sexualhealth
Growing up as a devout Catholic, I took sex to be something I would do once I was married. I wouldn't necessarily enjoy it, and I wouldn't think about it too often until then. Case closed. That ignoring tactic worked really well until I wanted to have sex. The decrees you internalize when you're eight, ten, and twelve are no match for the feelings cascading through your body once you hit puberty. I stuffed all those desires down like the good girl I was. I got through high school without so much as a single kiss because obviously I was far above the needs of mere mortals and horny teenagers. (Also I was completely disconnected from my body.) I was years into a relationship before I finally rounded all the sexual bases. When I got married, it was to the safest guy I'd ever met, and also to a guy ...
August
When they go — and they’ll go Soon, I’m told — it is the strawberries I’ll remember. Half-mown field, crooked patch, unwashed fruit Tasting partly of earth. Part warmth. Part Grandfatherly hand offering his best To one girl he didn’t know how to love. Sweating, silent, we cross the back porch and He hands them to the other one--no longer so young-- Sixty years and not a word more between them. I stood beside her, then, light filtering in dusty swirls Through the kitchen window. It was a process, The way her hands dripped with juice as she cut off Their heads and sliced them in two, crafting a cold metal bowl Of sugar and red despite the heat. She never stopped bitching About his picking the unripe ones, as if this continued to be The insufferable thing about marriage. And she never Moved the trash can closer, just kept ...
Of course we deserve it.
Some part of us thinks we have to earn love, pay our dues for joy, atone for pleasure, and work off the french fries with a thousand sit-ups in order to deserve them. We think we have to scrimp on spending and double our work hours to 'earn' a vacation, or put in our dues and hate life for a period of years before we're 'allowed' to enjoy our businesses. We just don't think we deserve the good stuff. BUT OF COURSE WE DESERVE IT. You would never bat joy out of kids' hands when they discover lightning bugs or she learns that markers come in colors *AND* smells AND ISN'T BLUEBERRY THE BEST!???? You wouldn't even consider denying your dog a big bowl of leftovers because he just hasn't worked hard enough today. You would never, ever tell your best friend she has to save up for at least ...
3 ways to get a harder working website with Tiny Blue Orange
Let me be perfectly honest: I don't often send frantic e-mails. Every single frantic e-mail I've penned in the last six months has been sent to Tiny Blue Orange. In the past month, I've sent the company's founder, Alison Monday, questions about my CNAME, broken webhooks, and getting my auto-redirects in order. All of them OH GOD HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, and all of them returned with the problems solved in no time flat.  To which I respond with, YOU ARE A MIRACLE. In her own words: Alison Monday is a responsive website developer + support system who focuses on WordPress sites. She’s fixed/maintained/built/hosted/improved online presences for dozens of amazing clients over the last 10 years. When she’s not ruining the fun for hackers, you can find her in CrossFit, teaching yoga classes or carrying on serious conversations with Brutus + Pixel (her 110 pound bullmastiff + ...
The Domestic
I come from a family of butchers, Blood soaking through the second kiss before dinner. I feel them poor Sometimes, boarding a sea-faring bathtub With pockets of cheese and worthless coins and Toys to tide the children over, week by week. I feel them arrive, settle -- And those women, thick bones Harnessing even the Pennsylvania sun -- Daughters with no secret corners of grace. They beat rugs, drive horses, plow, cook, mend, Fuck with abandon. These women my ancestors Know nothing of PMS, estrogen, excuses, The word ‘demure.’ None of it But hungry men, barking children, Babies practicing their fists In the amniotic slosh. Here there is no room for nostalgia Or scraped knees, only the land. Meat, growth, winter, birth. Survival, gravestones, a stocked cabinet; The occasional Sears Roebuck catalog And kneeling without prayer. P.S. This poem appears in All the Selves I Used to Be, which contains ...
Are you just polishing the mailbox?
I was driving down the road when I spotted an old man polishing his mailbox. (In case that seemed like a normal sentence or you're skimming: polishing. His mailbox.) POLISHING HIS MAILBOX. Like any kind and enlightened human being, I immediately judged him for having too much time on his hands and scoffed at his chosen activity. Really, dude? Really? Buuuuuuut then I came up with alternate reasons for his mailbox polishing. Maybe his daughter was getting married and he was supposed to be landscaping the backyard for the ceremony but then he saw the mailbox smudges and they were a symbol of his love for his baby girl. Or maybe he was supposed to be finishing his novel and sending it off to his editor, but then he caught a glimpse of the good-for-nothing mailbox dirt that had to be solved right that second. Maybe he was avoiding his ...
Talking Money and Happiness with Sarah Von Bargen
You know those people who can take a few dollars and turn them into a fancy cocktail AND an overnight stay in a gorgeous cottage AND a freaking cute outfit? I usually hate those people.  But Sarah Von Bargen doesn't count, because (she's genius and) she doesn't make me feel bad for spending way too much on the two cocktails with fancy umbrellas that I bought with the same money she stretched to purchase all the things. More Money, More Happy Bootcamp is just the tip of her money wisdom iceberg! In this episode of That's What She Said, the wondrous and thrifty Sarah Von Bargen and I talk about: why 'having a budget' does NOT translate to 'absolute deprivation for all of time' viewing a budget as a challenge versus a death sentence that condemns you to feeling broke and poor and WHY CAN'T I JUST GO TO TARGET ...
Talking painting and the art-making process with Tara Leaver
Tara Leaver once sent me a painting to say 'thank you' for doing my work in the world, and it was a bit like being struck with magic by a fairy: pure delight and love wrapped up in a piece of art.  I've been a fan of hers ever since. Another painting of hers hangs above my kitchen table/desk, and it's the visual point I return to as I'm writing each day.  (Read: YUP, I bought her art and think you should, too.) I'm introducing you to Tara as both a fan and a fellow artist, and I hope you find our conversation about embracing your artistic nature, growing as a human, and being in process all the time as entertaining, uplifting, and fascinating as I did. We talk about the process of making art -- a process that, for Tara, has involved living with depression, swimming in self-doubt, putting ...
What to do when strangers are mean to you on the internet.
You know how you're minding your own business, having a decent day, and then WHAM you check your e-mail or your comments and some douchecanoe has thrown a hate bomb (or worse, a compliment-laden hate bomb disguised as 'constructive criticism') in your direction? Let's talk about what to do when strangers are mean to you on the internet. I'm not Beyonce and don't have millions of fans, but I do get my fair share of 'critique,' and 'I thought you should know that _______________[insert passive aggressive comment here]' and just plain freaking mean e-mails because of the work that I do. I'm sharing how I handle them instead of pretending that they don't happen or that they don't bother me. (See also: sometimes I fantasize about deleting this whole freaking enterprise and working at Starbucks.) In this episode of That's What She Said, we dive into: - how to feel ...
I quit Facebook, and then THIS happened.
Psst! This is an episode of That's What She Said, so you can listen in below, or keep reading for the clickable, text-y version. This morning, I walked into my bedroom and pulled back the curtains to find that the window was open while the air conditioner was running. It's been horribly humid and I've been trash talking the air conditioner for a while now, but it turns out that it's not the air conditioner's fault. Tons and tons of energy was flying out the window instead of doing its job of making me 43% less grumpy and cooling the room. Recently, I quit Facebook. I had a big quitting party on Facebook Live and threw lots of confetti, then deleted every last business page and group I started before deleting my whole account. I was nervous about what would happen. Would I suddenly be completely and totally broke, as ...
Once-Failed Essay for Mr. Lesko
Poetry is the art of condensing the essential: My nuts and bolts speaking To your nuts and bolts, No flesh or earth allowed. It is in the love of nuns for a three-figured God As much as cherry blossoms, orange peels, All the times we said “No.” It breathes and pulses like no other entity, Clouding the planet with heady incense— Alluring like sex and far more dangerous yet Poetry is not near us, it is us-- So many houses with the roofs Blown off, top floors open And gaping at the sun. P.S. This poem appears in All the Selves I Used to Be, which contains 69 of my poems. Pick it up in paperback or in digital form! ...
Let out your meows.
I'm teaching at a conference and I want to try an experiment. The premise is simple: "Tell me something you believe to be unique to you in all of human experience." People look around awkwardly. I'm concerned that Ryan Gosling has just appeared in leprechaun form to do a tap dance on the shoes of each student, their boots are suddenly so interesting. The room is absolutely silent in the way only a classroom about to mutiny against a teacher can be. Yeeeeeeears pass. Finally, a raised hand! "Ok, great! What's unique to you in all of human experience?" "Sometimes I want to die." Way to start off with a bang. Wow. "Who else has had that feeling," I ask. Hands shoot up around the room. The secrets these peeps have tucked into the hollow place inside themselves have been seen, and suddenly they're not so scary. Suddenly, they're not ...
Let's talk about goals, baby...
I was interviewed on a major podcast and this morning they announced some big goals. My thoughts went like this: 'Yay for you guys! I don't give a damn about being #1 in any iTunes category with my podcast.'  Then I tried to make the women wrong for having a goal, and that didn't feel right, so I tried to make myself wrong for not caring about being number one, and that didn't feel right, either. They're just sharing an external goal, and right now I'm focused on internal goals. Internal goals are those marks you want to hit within yourself that cannot be noted or measured by any obvious external standard or by any observers. Internal goals aren't something that I've seen talked about, since we assume that every internal goal has an external result (i.e. 'Do 10 minutes of meditation every day' is the external goal for 'breathe ...
How to claim freedom from all kinds of bullshit.
We have plenty of 'freedom to' do things. Freedom to earn a living, freedom to market like a mofo, and the freedom to walk about our streets with relative levels of safety and security. We've got seemingly endless amounts of 'freedom to,' but often these freedoms come with a bunch of accompanying weight that's harder to identify. 'Freedom to' often leads to taking on more work, more responsibility, more productivity, and more tasks simply because we can. Those of us who are terminally competent ::waves:: just pile 'Yup I can do that' on top of 'Sure that's no problem' on top of 'Of course I can handle that' until we're buried by our own ability to get shit done. We have to claim 'freedom from' in its many incarnations. 'Freedom from' is best reclaimed from our repetitive, seemingly inconsequential actions. Freedom from squeezing in productivity. We don't have to listen ...
Branden Harvey
When you find someone who's holding up hope as more than a feel-good business model or a way to get press -- and when you find someone who's actually doing the hard work of building a better world by showing us all how much good is already happening -- you naturally follow their work closely, support their projects, and wish them well in every way possible. When you find out that person actually knows who you are and is willing to be interviewed on your podcast, you book 'em and then break down crying within 90 seconds of starting the interview. (At least, that's what happened when I had Branden Harvey on That's What She Said.) At twenty-four, Branden has amassed a following of hundreds of thousands of people and traveled the world as a photographer, storyteller, and Snapchatter. He currently hosts the Sounds Good podcast, writes the GoodNewsletter, and ...
How to quit Facebook in 8 easy steps.
First, listen to this episode of That's What She Said and see if you'd like to quit Facebook or if it just sounds like the answer to all your problems because you're tired and grumpy. 😉 If yes, let's be crystal clear about why you'd like to quit. You'll need these reasons later when you're tempted to go back and 'just check in.' Quit Facebook Step #1: Record your reasons for quitting. Is Facebook treating you like an abusive partner, with 85% suckage and 15% awesomeness? Is it scooping up your free time and shortening your attention span?  Does it contribute to your feelings of overwhelm?  Is it a feed that's forcing you to consume vitriol, hatred, impatience, anger, and spite? Do you want to go deeper into your own inner knowing and therefore, require a lessening of noise and chatter? All of the above? Writing your reasons down means ...
Serve the poet goddess inside you and also accept the wealth that is available to you, homegirl.
When peeps sign up for business coaching, I ask a series of questions that ends with, "If I could make a class just for you, what would it be called?" and one answer -- 'Serve the poet goddess inside you and also accept the wealth that is available to you, homegirl' begged to be made. In this class, we'll take a deep dive into ways you can receive more money in your life. Namely, by receiving more of the intangibles that we humans tend to dismiss, shut down, or deem as too vulnerable, like joy and pleasure and a host of quite practical things besides.  (Related: money blocks are not your problem.) Listen in to this episode of That's What She Said while I break down the receiving spectrum and how to strengthen your receiving muscle if you're like, 'YUP I want to serve the muse' and 'YUP I'd like ...
Stop the overwhelm.  'Busy' and 'Focused' aren't the same.
Sometimes you feel completely overwhelmed and don't know where to start your work, so you sink under a mountain of emails and quietly, calmly wave a white flag at your own life. Here's a really freaking helpful question to move you out of overwhelm and into action: What will your future self thank you for? The answer to this question doesn't have to be a big deal or a major life decision. In fact, your future self will probably be more grateful that you did 10 minutes of meditation today than that you committed to go on a silent one-week retreat six months from now. Here a few always-on answers to keep on tap from your future, ever-so-thankful self! Keep marketing. Continuing to market far past the point where you're comfortable is hard, hard work -- but it's worth it. Stay on it. Whether it's making a marketing calendar, starting ...
Kristen Kalp tenderness painting
It's easy for me to make plans for sweeping changes and short timelines. Throw out all the sugar and cheese and processed foods and bring in the vegetables! Buy the 30-day pass and get to the gym every day! Toss all the plastics and load up on glass containers, reusable bags, and never use plastic ever again for any reason! Also: productivity. I tend to write books in 6 weeks or less. If I'm not achieving, I'm not living! And if I don't want to do something that's on my carefully-planned calendar? Too bad! Do it anyway! And if I'm tired and the writing isn't happening? Suck it up, keep going! And if I feel like shit for no reason I can discern? Oh well, there's work to do! No one cares about how you feel, least of all your work ethic! Tenderness -- even internally, in the realms where ...
Morgan Day Cecil
For so many women I know (and for myself on days when I'm not paying really freaking careful attention), the experience of getting older can easily become a desperate attempt to find a way out of the body.  We don't want to sit with our breath or our humanity, so we find reasons to climb up into the control towers of our brains and stay there.  Permanently. Morgan Day Cecil has been key in helping me to wander into my body and find safety within.  (More influences here if you're curious.) In this episode of That's What She Said, Morgan is on the line to talk all things femininity and to help the ladies among us tune into "the genius of being a woman." Morgan and I toss around some big questions, like: What does it mean to be on a journey of sexual wholeness? What does judgement really say ...
Boundaries // kristen Kalp
I spent a bunch of years buying 7-step programs. Double your Instagram following like 1-2-3!  Follow these 7 steps to 6-figures!  Get tighter in 10 days!  (<<-- yes, that's an actual program that I actually bought.) You know the kinds of programs I'm talking about!  You probably have a few ::cough six or seven cough:: on your hard drive right now. The problem was never with the steps.  It was with me.  Inevitably, somewhere between step 2 and 3, I'd veer off track and the rest of the steps would become irrelevant. (Thus, many many thousands of dollars also became irrelevant.) It's taken years for me to find the words and articulation for what I do instead of following step after step to get to where I'm trying to go with my whole being intact: I grab hold of the 3 threads. What are the 3 threads, and what do ...
Kim Anami course
This is part two of the long journey to the body!  Here's part one.  You'll want to start there, 'cause it's about to go deep, and quickly. ::ahem:: I remember Googling the symptoms and thinking, "Yup, must be it!" Much like people diagnose themselves with cancer or a horrible, rare disease via Webmd.com and a few internet searches, I diagnosed myself as Asexual. What else could it be? I used to feel desire...and then I didn't. I used to feel lust and attraction...and then I didn't. I used to feel attractive and want to flirt and...you guessed it, then I didn't. The simplest, most direct route to an answer -- any answer, really -- was only a Google search away! Hooray! I was asexual! Never mind that the vast majority of asexual attributes didn't apply to me, or that typically those who identify as asexual have never really felt any ...
Kristen reading
I spent the first 30 years of life completely detached from my body. When I was awake as a kid, I was reading: on the bus, under the desk, during breaks, and throughout recess, when I supposed to be playing with the others. I got straight A's and excelled at all things academic. I was also demoted from Intermediate to Beginner to Remedial in a single swim class assessment that was alleged to have lasted only 43 minutes, but that I'm sure spanned decades. I had a heart murmur and was afraid I would literally explode if I ran out of breath during physical activity. (Naturally I didn't share this fear with my mother or my doctor, I just lived in constant fear of movement.) In high school, I ran the mile as fast as I could. It took 15 minutes. I was bad at the body, so I built ...
You come to find your voice by speaking.
You come to find your voice by speaking Not by planning to speak or reading transcripts of speeches or buying courses to make your voice sound best when you finally open your mouth at some point in the distant future. You come to find your voice by uttering the truest words you have in any given moment. I hurt. I'm struggling. I can't. The first words are the hardest. You've been silent for so long. I need help. I want some more. I'd like to try. The words grow more precise and powerful. I need. I want. I am. You'll waver, here: the world will say you don't have the right. I need, I want, I am. I need, I want, I am. By now you've come too far to honor any sound save the steady drumbeat of your own heart. I am, I am, I am, and you are, ...
grandma
In honor of Women's History Month, a poem for the ones who came before. Dear Grandma You never once got to stand on a podium and make everyone listen. You buried your husband and your son, and you worked all day every day until you retired to the old brown chair. No one was ever weighed down by your opinions or objections or your voice in the world. You never once got to stand on a stage and hear everyone's ears turning toward you. You never got to be paid for your work: shuffling laundry and sons from the dresser to school, burning a line between the sink and the stove so deep you couldn't see your way out. Your husband married you not out of love or even something like affection, but because your sister was already taken, and then you settled down and lived in the same house ...
mouse
You might imagine that a Special Education facility for socio-emotionally disturbed students in Philadelphia would have lots of rules. You would be correct. The first thing you learn at new teacher orientation is how to successfully restrain a student without causing any harm to the child. (It's a grip don't twist scenario, in case you're curious.) Each classroom has a teacher and a full-time aide. Each classroom has no more than 10 students for the safety of all involved. Students regularly lash out, flipping desks or tossing books or throwing punches -- at other teenagers, at therapists, at supervisors, at me -- and all the rules keep the chaos to a minimum. There are protocols for everything. Protocols for when a student brings a razor blade to class and protocols for when someone has a meltdown during lunch and protocols for verbal lashing out. Every staff member knows the general ...
stay on it sales graphic
Today can we talk about why I hate selling stuff, even though part of my job is teaching people to sell stuff? I hate selling because you have to stay on it. You have to keep selling and marketing far beyond the point where you feel any reasonable person would have purchased, bought, added to cart, or checked out. When I like stuff, I buy it. Period. On sale, not on sale, 3 left, 37 left, don't care. The vast majority of people hem and haw and put off decision-making and "think about it" and ponder it and ask questions and talk to their friends about what they should buy and then, eventually, buy the thing at the last possible second or when the 'deal' runs out. I'm still learning this after 8 years, and it's still frustrating as hell, but I want to reiterate: most people hate making decisions ...
Nick McArthur headshot
I first met Nick McArthur in 2012 as Nicki, mother of (then) 2 -- now 5 -- and I've watched with absolute admiration as Nicki transitioned to Nick over the course of the past year, with all the complication and bravery that entails.  We dive deeply into that gender transition in this hour-ish long podcast interview. We also discuss whether male privilege is real, what it's like to transition on the gender spectrum as part of a couple, the most surprising parts of leaving being a female behind, the sales messages he wishes males and females would learn to communicate more clearly, and what it's like to have serious leg hair after spending about the first few decades of your life as a woman. We talk highs, lows, and serious sales advice for your listening pleasure.  The audio is a biiiiit hard to make out at times -- I guess ...
I had a panic attack on Saturday. Here's why that matters to you.
I had a panic attack on Saturday.  One minute I was driving through the city, admiring the cute little shops and the gorgeous weather, and the next a set of invisible hands had grabbed my neck and I was hyperventilating while I pulled my car into a McDonald's parking lot. I spent the next ? minutes -- who knows how long, when every minute is endless? -- with my eyes closed, tears streaming down my cheeks, while I tried to catch a full breath. ...and when the panic attack ended, I felt only shame. Asshole brain didn't step in and let me recover, it just started kicking me while I was down.  (Asshole brain's commentary in ALL CAPS.) I felt shame that I 'can't handle' modern politics. THIS IS JUST THE WAY IT IS. GET USED TO IT. Shame that I'm 'not strong enough' to exist today. QUIT WHINING, ALREADY, ...
Aspiring beam of light: an interview with Natalie Moser.
You know how sometimes, you see a person going through something really difficult (like cancer) and think, 'How is she doing that without losing her shit?' When I saw that Natalie Moser was diagnosed with cancer, I expected to see endless chemo updates and requests for prayers. Instead, I saw a woman who continued to teach yoga and make art and do the right thing, just without hair when the cancer took it.  The whole thing was simultaneously a very big deal and NBD. How.  HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. Since the new administration has taken office, Natalie has only gotten more passionate, more intense, and more inwardly gorgeous -- she's basically the living embodiment of the 'Be the Human' philosophy -- so I took the time to chat with her one-on-one in this interview for the That's What She Said podcast. We talk about her biggest gifts of the past ...
50 everyday acts of rebellion.
Rebellion is often portrayed as Princess Leia risking life and limb to sneak around with Death Star plans, but everyday acts of rebellion can help us advance our ideals in a sustainable way. Rebellion and resistance are often most effective when they keep us sane, happy, and capable of empathy in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. It's our job to keep our joy, to do our work, and to resist in every small and large way possible. ...and if you're tired and out of energy, start small. Rebellion can be small, but vital; seemingly insignificant, but capable of moving the needle forward today. Key word: TODAY. 1. Subscribe to a newspaper. 2. Read a book. (One of mine, even!) 3. Get and then use your library card. 4. Buy an album or a record instead of downloading a single from iTunes. 5. Support local music. 6. Boycott homophobic restaurant ...
The Uprising.
There is no name for a nation undoing its moral underpinnings, freeing itself from the constraints of the democratic experiment the same way a woman sighs with such relief when taking off her bra before bed. There is no name for the dreams that come after: drowning, climbing, plummeting to a certain death and waking to find only faint sunlight making its way through the window. There are no maps for this place, this soft burning that is not hate but keeps trying to be. There is no name for the uprising of the human heart. P.S. 69 more of my poems here ...
Your brain is (still) an asshole.
You're not the only one who feels as if the world is, in some way, ending, while a new one is being born. You're not the only one who's scared, or the only one who's tired, or the only one who's walking around in a daze going, 'DEAR GOD, HOW DID I GET HERE?' Whether that 'here' is in your business or your home life, in the arrangement of your basement clutter or the arrangement of your community's politics. You're not the only one who sees fires burning everywhere and doesn't know which one to put out first. It's important to remember that, since your brain will naturally try to convince you that you're the only one. The only one who's scared. The only one who's having a tough time. The only one who wants to sink into despair. The only one who's overwhelmed. The only one who's struggling to ...
How to use your dollars to shape the world.
You have tremendous power.  You spend money every single day, and where you spend that money matters tremendously. Your dollars can be spent to make giant corporations even larger, or they can be used to keep currency in circulation locally, to keep people who safeguard our democracy (i.e. journalists) working, and to keep artists, makers, thinkers, and rebels doing their respective jobs each day.  (I suggest the latter.) Here are quick and effective ways to use your dollars to shape our world for the better. Subscribe to forms of media that pay journalists. At a recent political conference I attended, subscribing to a physical newspaper was described as a political act. Pick a paper and get it delivered. If you want to overachieve, get a local and a national paper subscription. Best of all, newspapers are delivered without a comments section. No angry trolls lurking at the bottom of the ...
Be the human.
There's this new thing going around: angry people on the internets. 😉 People are angrier than ever, it seems, and the articles and videos they're passing around amp up the anger because clickbait gets clicks and outrage is the easiest way to get someone else on your side. Only I grew up with a yelling Mom, and by age 5 I could keep reading my book while she screamed about the dusting I needed to do or the laundry I needed to hang or the playing I needed to do outside, and don't come back in until it's dark. I learned early on to tune out screaming, and I didn't even grow up in a particularly aggressive household. We humans tune out anger and outrage quickly and effectively. (Which brings us back to Facebook.) When we keep anger and outrage in circulation by passing along an article or a video ...
Stop Self Sabotage
If you've ever sabotaged the crap out of yourself, your work, your desires, your plans, or your waistline, this is the class for you. I've shoved and pushed and stuffed everything I know about stopping self sabotage into a single hour-long class, then delivered it live so that peeps could ask questions and I could answer 'em. In Stop Self Sabotage, you'll learn: + the name for and nuances of what you're feeling as the U.S. descends into an unparalleled political space -- and why that matters for your sabotage-y bits + the single most important factor in stopping the sabotage-y habit + the four sneakier-than-a-wily-raccoon elements that conspire to undermine your best attempts at getting your work done + the everyday, seemingly insignificant acts that make all the difference to living a bigger, braver life + why 'earning' your play time is the worst idea ever (really, EVER) + ...
"But what if no wants it?"
There's a thought process you can absolutely count on when you're bringing creative work into the world. 1: You make a thing. Hooray! 2: It's available for purchase. So far, so good! 3: Your brain gets involved.  Hnnnnnngggggg... It whispers, "No one wants this thing I've made." Not "some people don't want it." Not "a few people think it's dumb but most people will think it's pretty rad." "NO ONE wants this thing I've made." In just the past week, I've had this come up with two coaching clients. In our first case, a photographer has booked over 50% of the year's sessions -- i.e. the entirety of the year from January through December -- in January. Fifty percent of the whole year. In the first month of the year. We made a plan for when she actually starts marketing the sessions later in winter. (She's still sure she can't ...
How to be 8 kinds of brave.
The clouds are miles thick. My voice is squeaky and ugly in that way it gets before I cry: "I just...think...my work doesn't matter to anyone, and..." "WAIT." Ron pauses me there, halfway through my opening sentence, to say that without my work, he and his wife wouldn't be doing what they're doing. He tells me that even though we hadn't met until 48 hours before, that he counts me as a rich blessing in his life, and that I've done more to change his life and his family than I can possibly imagine. Before I can stop it, that sentiment rolls around the porch and everyone is nodding, telling their stories about me, tears leaking from their eyeballs and awash in love. This should be a redemptive moment. Oh, yes. Of course. My work matters. This is not a redemptive moment. I know that on the other side of ...
How to have a perfect launch.
1.) Give up on having a perfect launch. Things are going to go wrong, and all you can do is roll with the punches as gracefully as possible. I say this not with dismay or sarcasm, but with the acknowledgment that life is imperfect. Preparing for imperfection means your day won't be 'ruined' by a glitch or two. Last week's launch of Calling to the Deep  (sample chapter here), Introverts at Work (sample chapter here), this new website, the free-for-you Fuck Yah magazine, and the Brave workshop went off without a functioning Paypal account to take the monies. My selling Art for Aleppo raised a red flag that required further investigation by Paypal for months(!!!!).  The launch also happened without a new e-mail address, since getting a fancy one proved to be a multi-week saga that still hasn't ended and that involves working closely with Google's tech support in a ...
How to be Unreasonable
It wasn't until I was about two weeks away from launching a new website, two books, the Brave workshop, and Fuck Yah magazine into the world that I considered what a terrible, stupid thing I'd done. "Um...I think I took on too much." "...ya think?" ::awkward silence followed by eyes brimming with tears:: Luckily, I DID IT. While I'm by no means through this particular bout of being unreasonable -- writing this on launch day and all -- I can tell you a little bit more about my good friend and conspirator, the U-word. Unreasonable-with-a-capital-U works on a few basic principles and is capable of surprising you with the magnitude of your own accomplishments. First, being Unreasonable takes faith. Can you do it? YUP. Your friends and loved ones will look at you funny. Even your best friends might say you're trying to do way too much. Only you know ...
Invocation
After burning Brand Camp to the ground and taking a multi-month sabbatical, I wrote this as the keystone for beginning again.  Before the website and the sales pages, the plugins and links and SEO, there were only these words. It's the prayer/poem I offer for every visitor to this space, and it's my deepest wish for you today. Invocation Help me breathe life into the space between who I am and who I'm becoming. Help me transcend the path that is merely obvious for the one unfolding through the things I can't not do. Help me choose to follow those breadcrumbs and in the process to make something solid in the soul, something lasting, something holy. Help us breathe life into the space between who we are and who we're becoming. Help us transcend the path that is merely obvious for the path calling to us through the things we ...
How to feel the shit you'd rather avoid (without gaining 12 pounds)
I don't want to feel this. There are tears springing out of face against my will and I want them to stop. Help me out, brain: I don't want to feel this. Options? I take a mental run through the refrigerator, the freezer, and the pantry. No sugar, no salt, no alcohol. STUPID WISE GROCERY DECISIONS. Okay, distractions! I need some of those! Let's bust out some social media and click away on the interwebs for an hour or three! Harry Potter and the Cursed Child just came out and I don't yet have my copy. If I see a spoiler on social media, I'll be angry at myself. Human distractions! I need some of those! I think of friends to call to get out of the house at this moment, but it's 7:32 p.m. on a Sunday. They're all busy working or winding down for the evening. (I asked.) ...
A Note From Your Future Self.
When you narrow yourself and your work to solving one specific problem or creating just one product or offering just one service, you naturally sell more because you have clarity. Clarity is vital to your mission and helps people make easy assumptions about what you do. You're a carpenter and you make benches. You're a photographer and you photograph weddings. You're a real estate agent and you sell homes. The whole 'what do you do?' question gets complicated (and far more interesting!) when you decide to use the word "and" followed by something we wouldn't expect. You're a carpenter and you sing songs. You're a photographer and you rebuild motorcycle engines from scratch. You're a real estate agent and you go offline to work with a nonprofit agency for months at a time. Most people tamp down their most interesting 'and' bits in the name of being clear, direct, and ...
The best $117.90 I've ever made.
Right around age 21, I internalized the idea that no one could make a living as a poet. Being ever so wise and nearly 22, I quickly broadened that sentiment to mean that no one could make a living as a writer, either. So, what's a newly minted grad with an English Education degree who has cut off all hopes of being paid for the English portion of that degree to do?  Teach in the public school system, obviously! Within two years of taking part in that system, I became disillusioned and said, "Oh hey, you know what I'll do? I'll be a photographer," like you do.  Then I started writing to photographers about the business of photography, and then to other business owners, and I started ghostwriting some projects, too, and suddenly (over the course of a number of years) I WAS MAKING A LIVING AS A WRITER. For ...
The tender-hearted guide to making big, big change
Sometimes big change comes upon you slowly, like one song fading into the air while another fades out, and sometimes it comes collapsing down on you like an ancient tower crumbling in a windstorm. Whether a slow unfolding or a sudden event, big change means big emotions, and big emotions often mean turmoil of some kind. This, then, is the tender-hearted guide to making big, big change. How do you deal with the turmoil of watching what you've loved/built/created/worked on/adored crumble? How do you sort through the pieces for the good/interesting/worthwhile bits without scrapping everything? How do you stop yourself from saying ALL OF IT WAS A WASTE and then taking up your vice of choice? First: grieve. This is the hardest and most essential element of the death of any project, life choice, or season: the grieving. You'll naturally want to run into the next thing. You'll naturally want ...
For when it all falls apart.
When it all falls apart, let it. Trying to save a brick here or a scrap of gold there during the act of tumbling to the ground doesn’t help and isn’t wise and probably means you break an arm or a leg during an acrobatic feat gone wrong. When it all falls apart, let it. And on that morning, long from now, when you find those three pieces that have survived, you’ll see the way they fit together into some new and necessary way of being. When it all falls apart, let it. P.S.  More of my poems here. [mybooktable book="all-the-selves-i-used-to-be" display="summary" buybutton_shadowbox="false"] ...
Why you don't want to be 'failure-proof.' Promise.
I was on Facebook for a second and saw the ad: 'Failure-Proof Your Launch!' Then I laughed so loud that I startled the dog from her sunny little nap beside me. Failure isn't something you can 'proof' against, like making sure your babies don't eat those laundry packs or making sure your teens aren't snorting cocaine in the bathroom while you're in the next room making dinner. You can't 'failure-proof' your business, period. Further, your biggest 'failure' might be the source of more goodness in your life than you could possibly imagine. My biggest success/failure (maybe the term is 'life lesson?') was revealed to me in a vision that arrived complete with a sunrise ferris wheel, large-scale paint twister, and a handful of speakers I'd move the world to see throw down their wisdom on stage. I assumed, since this vision came so clearly and with enough force to bring ...
For tragedies of all kinds.
Don't. Shut. Down. Peel open the layers of your heart and let it weep and have tantrums and (mostly) feel impotent in the face of all it can't change. Don't give in to the war drums beating against your ribcage, and don't let your one puny heart cage you in the world's limitless miseries. Stand open. The vast majority of people are like you -- kind and brave, heartsick and healing -- shattered but refusing to remain in pieces on the floor forever. Stay. Open. Please. (My heart needs your heart, right now.) P.S. More of my poems here. P.P.S. Photo by Jon Canlas of Brian Andreas, post pudding battle at Brand Camp ...
No More Business Frappuccinos.
She pulled up to the Drive-Thru and asked for a Frappuccino. There was a long pause. "Ma'am, we don't sell Frappuccinos here, that's Starbucks." "Oh well. I'd like a Frappuccino." There was a longer pause. "We do make Frolattes, which are similar, so would you like to try one of those?" "Yah, whatever. Medium." When it comes to bringing your gifts into the world through business, there's a Frappuccino on offer. It's been accepted as the standard by which all other frozen beverages are measured, and it's consumed at alarming levels in certain circles. It seems that everyone is so busy consuming it that even those who want to offer something else are trying to justify their Frolatte options and getting "whatever"s back. Let's talk about the Business Frappuccino. Currently, the Business Frappuccino includes modules and group coaching and killer marketing and endless testimonials and people who say that it ...
How to stop an idea tornado
If you've ever been caught in an idea tornado, you can identify the symptoms: You have endless ideas. And cute notebook sketches of said ideas. And you have daydreams about your ideas while driving, showering, and otherwise going about your day that result in... ...even MORE brilliant ideas. (No really, we're talking multi-million dollar ideas!) These ideas are languishing in notebooks, on scraps of paper, in your iPhone, on your hard drive, and in your mental daydream files, but they aren't actually coming to life. Idea tornadoes exist to get you all fired up about dreaming, but they don't stop without your active control. When you stop an idea tornado, you get to bring something to life. Something only you can produce. Maybe it's something fun, maybe it's something profitable, but hopefully it's both. In today's episode of That's What She Said, I talk about how to get yourself out ...
The top 10 podcast episodes of all time
When you start any creative project or enterprise, your peeps will have favorites. They'll write you notes or make comments about stuff and you'll be all, "Yah? THAT was helpful? Really?" These are the That's What She Said podcast episodes deemed most interesting, informative, helpful, witty, and/or useful by virtue of their having garnered the most listens. Also I've share my top choices, because (IT'S MY SHOW DAMMIT) and there are a few episodes that deserve a listen even if they don't have the spiffiest, bullet-point-iest titles. Depression and running your business This episode is far and away the most popular episode of That's What She Said, as it handles my ins and outs of fumbling through depression while also earning a full-time, no-backup income from my business. The Depression Chronicles include the rest of my notes, battles with, and tips about struggling through depression over the years. Pay Me, ...
3 ways to actually love marketing (for real for real)
If you'll kindly recall my slightly made-up but quite accurate modes of keeping business time from this That's What She Said podcast, there are three types of time we have in every day. Magic time, which is dedicated to doing the work that only you can do; muggle time, which is dedicated to taking care of the physical world work that simply must be done; and mogul time, the often-overlooked time in which you show the world your work and ask people of the world to buy it. In this episode of That's What She Said, we delve into not only routinely completing mogul time, but learning to actually love it. I'll take a guess at what's keeping you from moguling in the first place, share ten starting points for your moguling practice, and throw down with kind-but-honest, practical-but-potentially-painful observations about what why you might hate marketing your business right ...
Making Space in Your Business
Summer is one of the few times society reserves for slowing down. (Also it's one of the few times that reading a book is a LEGIT activity. I'll meet you on the beach with a stack of 'em.) Suddenly, it's okay to take more than an hour to respond to e-mails, you're 'allowed' to go on vacation, and you don't have to work weekends or overtime in order to 'count' as an upstanding member of society. LET'S MILK SUMMER FOR ALL IT'S WORTH, PEOPLE. Let's make space for more than simply slowing down; let's actively reclaim the bits of our selves, our lives, and our businesses that have been consumed by the general muck-y creep of being alive. And let's do it with 4 5-minute-ish podcasts, because shouldn't you be at the beach by now? Let's get to making space. Making space, like getting out from under the e-mail monster ...
On having your shit together.  And flying squirrels.
I had this moment yesterday. My e-mails were answered, my work was done, my schedule was clear for the rest of the afternoon. The laundry was done. The house was clean. There were bananas in the house. (Because God knows that if there aren't bananas, there's nothing to eat.) In other words -- for one glorious, victorious moment -- my shit was TOGETHER. I briefly considered never changing my clothing again to avoid making more laundry, then I went to yoga and made more. Because bikram. Having your shit together isn't an attainable state of being, despite what the yoga magazines and marketing gurus are selling. Your shit's state of togetherness is a series of acts that culminates in the ever-so-rare, glorious moment when you are free of responsibilities and obligations. You might get a few seconds, you might get a few minutes. An hour, if you're exceptionally tuned in ...
My work: 2005-2017. WTF moments included.
When you've done something long enough, you assume everyone knows how you got started or what, exactly, you do, and why you do it. This is the official let's-get-you-up-to-speed rundown of where I've been, what I do, and where I'm going, with some glorious life lessons and witty stories thrown in for good measure.  (Hint: steal this idea for your own website!) First up: the distant past. There's a 17-year-old male Philadelphian hanging from the air conditioner outside the classroom. He's barely got a grip on the window unit and my guess is that his pants are revealing a shocking amount of the boxers beneath while he's dangling there, but he's committed. He's screaming "Liar! LIIIIIIIARRRRRR!" at me while I teach the afternoon's computer class. A smirk flits across my face before I go back to delivering the day's lesson plan. I've finally won. You see, Cruz routinely made up ...
The Depression Chronicles
Talking about depression and running a business isn't exactly a light or refreshing or easy topic.  I'd rather talk about preeeetty much anything else, but going on about marketing or strategy or mojo or making more dollars doesn't address the deepest, hardest part of my life at any given moment.  (If you're depressed, it doesn't address your hardest bits, either.) Let's talk about depression over the years, through the shape-shifting lenses of experience, growth, deepening, and easing, all while growing a business. (And even leaving the house on occasion !!) If you're currently depressed, I urge you to seek professional help, see a doctor, and get yourself a diagnosis immediately.  No amount of podcasting and writing can take the place of a doctor's (and therapist's and nurse's and nutritionist's and acupuncturist's) care! August 2013: Depression and running a business The original, lemme break it all down for you OH GOD ...
Hard-won depression tactics you can actually use
Oh hey there! Today, I've got a very special guest dropping by: Depression Me. Depression Me likes to wear a fuzzy Princess Leia onesie and watch Bravo TV episodes on loop, vaguely glancing at the dog I feel guilty for not walking before lurching back into 'reality' world. Depression Me likes to move back deadlines, cancel appointments, table projects, and otherwise delay all of my professional work. She HATES being told what to do and when to do it. Depression Me has IDEAS: It's cloudy outside? Let's skip work. Raining? Oh GOD no, we can't work. Woke up early? Didn't sleep well? It's Monday? We'd better wait until tomorrow to get started. If Depression Me were a cereal, she would be Cap'n Crunch, minus the part where you actually get to eat it. She would just be those gross remnants stuck to the scraped-up, oddly-coated roof of your mouth. Depression ...
The excruciating pain of asking for what you want
There's an endless, always-growing stream of advice coming at you all the time when it comes to selling your products. There are even MORE endless strategies you can employ to move products, but those strategies often ignore the thing behind the thing: selling your thing is hard. WAY more difficult than making your thing, shipping your thing, or selling other people's things. Selling boils down to the excruciating pain of asking for what you want. It's the art of taking this careful, delicate creature you've birthed as part of your business and asking people if they want it. (Over and over and over until you're sure your friends will abandon you and you've managed to annoy the entire tri-state region with your promotions.) Hearing the word "no" or being ignored is 100% guaranteed to be part of the selling equation. Thus, it's painful. Not everyone on Earth will want to ...
productivity hacks j/k i would never.
I'm all about making stuff. I make stuff for a living: books and classes and paintings and even a real-life meetup at Harry Potter World for entrepreneurs. I get shit done. Writing thousands of words per day, plus creating a weekly podcast, course materials, and the occasional ghostwriting project. But when I see headlines about 'faster ways to create content' or endless listicles full of hacks to be even MORE productive, my heels dig in and I want to hiss like a pissed-off goose who's just spotted a vulnerable, food-carrying toddler across the parking lot. I want to run at the toddler that is the Productivity Police and steal that entire loaf of bread and nip at those heels until they run away, crying because that's what angry geese do. AND THEY GET AWAY WITH IT EVERY TIME. First: 'content creation' isn't even a thing. I make photos, I make ...
6 ways to keep going (and 1 way to quit)
In this week's episode of That's What She Said, I hit a reader question hard, and it's a really freaking good one: ...when you do hit those business funks/blues/frustrations.. the SERIOUSLY am I shit? or am I good? and want to keep moving forward, what/where or how inspires you to keep moving forward without giving it all away? -- Lorraine I'm sharing six ways to keep going (and one way to quit) in this week's episode of That's What She Said. To get all bullet-pointed on you, I'll explain: + why asking the wrong questions could be sabotaging your every effort + when and how to make space for a pause in your business + why taking your business to Tokyo (metaphorically) is a really, really bad idea + simple changes to the scope of your projects that might make all the difference + two questions to ask when you ...
100 ways I'm broken
I routinely scoff at books I know I need to read, like The Ultimate Guide to Making Your Retirement Make Sense or Master Your Cravings 4 Life (4 Real This Time) or How to Adult Like You Care About Adulting. I love sugar even though it makes me weepy and dairy even though it gives me zits and Facebook even though it gives me zombie-screen-face. I want to save the world and blow it up. (Sometimes in the same breath.) I don't watch the news because it hurts and care more about homeless dogs than homeless adults. I'm not sure my efforts to save the world have made any difference, just like I'm not sure my art means anything or my life has an ultimate deep-down-for-real-for-real purpose other than the one I give it. I can't extrovert for more than an hour at a time and would take last place ...
What if you already know?
You think there are languages you don't yet know, languages that will help move your work forward, and that thought is alluring. You can always learn Greek or Italian, SEO or marketing lingo. But. You already speak the language. Of feeling, and of knowing. The languages of dedication and of craft, of kindness and of steady perseverance speak loudest of all, and these, you already have at your disposal. You already know that the hardest work is letting yourself be seen. Letting your truest self be known, letting your feelings come to light and owning them as only a creator or artist or maker can; letting all that is you and your truest talent in the world come forward instead of hoping a plan, a formula, a class or a course will close the gap between your reality and your desires. You already speak the language. Of feeling, and of ...
Boundaries are the best thing EVER.
Today on That's What She Said, a reader question about boundaries! "...when setting boundaries, is it necessary/important to verbalize the boundaries to the person crossing them, or if the boundaries are clear inside my head, is that good enough? Meaning... Is it okay to politely decline or tell a white lie? How important is assertiveness in setting boundaries? (I'm pretty bad at assertiveness. I want to be assertive so very badly.)" I tackle all these questions and a few that weren't answered in this episode of That's What She Said, brought to you straight from the living room of my Parisian apartment during the final leg of my European trip. If you've a chronic people pleaser, an everyday white lie-maker, or the resentful soul who shows up at parties or events because you couldn't think of a good reason not to do so, this one's for you. Bonus! We talk ...
Enough-ness
By virtue of your reading this, you can count yourself as one of the wealthiest humans ever to have lived on the planet, even if you don't have a collection of $7,000 handbags or seventeen cars or a squadron of hired help to dress you, bathe you, feed you, and transport you. Of course, knowledge of this particular status doesn't mean you feel wealthy: I certainly don't, particularly when I'm strolling the streets of Paris and see bags in shop windows that cost more than my car. (And, let's be honest, the total value of every car I've ever owned.) Nor am I saying you should feel guilty about all you have: again, I don't. I'm simply pointing out that in the whole great, vast and wide world that is your life, your ability to have traveled on a plane puts you in a class of people who are the ...
Influences: a chronicle.
These are the books, people, programs, products, and miscellanium (YUP I MADE UP THAT WORD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS) that currently influence my personal life on a regular basis. (This post chronicles the business products and subscriptions that keep everything running smoothly if you want a more nuts and bolts, less subjective read!) I'm absolutely fascinated by knowing more about the people who influence people I think are nifty, so I figure you're like me and want to know what's getting my attention these days. ::insert genie-like 'your wish is my command' gesture here:: First up: the body. I find having a physical body challenging and annoying most of the time. GAWD, you're hungry again? You need what? Water!? Really!? I find taking care of my body frustrating at best and exhausting at worst, which is why any moment that I find myself enjoying my body, I take ...
Magic Often Feels Like Broken
I was once in a circle of business women and it was my turn to speak to all of them, so I got up and said I wanted to give half my business away. Not 3 percent or 10 percent or any of the more reasonable numbers they suggested. Half. That statement was met with a lukewarm awkward-glances-around-the-room reception. No one is going to outright shame you for being generous enough to give half your business away, but they can shame you by reminding you that making money is REALLY FUN and DON'T FORGET THAT, and then everyone in the room can cheer and then you'll wonder what the fuck is wrong with you for not feeling so excited about money. You'll be so intimidated by your obvious brokenness when it comes to this idea that you'll table it for years. You'll have a (storied, much sought after, holy grail ...
Wanderlust and the Trouble with Staying Put
There's a particular ache that comes on me when the calendar is clear; when it's got appointments and scheduled brunches and get-togethers on it, but there's no train ticket or plane ticket in sight. There's a particular panic that comes of feeling stuck. I dread it more than most people dread giving up their hot water privileges for life, or talking about their orgasms in public, or doing something wildly uncomfortable like rolling around on a bunch of dill pickles like this dog. (Dude, watch that video if you want to laugh so hard you fall down. I'll wait.) Those people who have never gone anywhere -- who have never left their hometown or home county or home state -- those people don't know. You can't unsee the ocean. You can't ignore the parts of you that long for new experiences and adventures (even when they leave you covered in ...
How to Actually Freaking Love Yourself
My best friend Doey (pictured, tidepooling with me at Steer Your Ship,) popped this off via text one morning and I thought it was too genius not to share. She'd seen one too many of those 'apply lipstick and get a new journal' posts about self-love and self-care. She wrote this in response. How to ACTUALLY Freaking Love Yourself 1. Accept that genuine compliment. Actually let it land on your heart say, "thank you" without any further explanation of why you don't actually deserve credit. 2. List ten things you're fucking amazing at. You can clean a toilet like a ninja because you even get under the rim? Honey, that's magic. Take pride in that shit, no matter how simple it might seem. 3. List five unimportant things you're not good at. You can't make a perfect batch of brownies from scratch? Me neither. Who fucking cares? Laugh at your ...
Let's start a whole new game.
I did a dumb thing.  I did the thing where you go looking at old acquaintances and see that, from all online indicators and based on external factors, they are kicking your ass in every way possible. Oh, your program has X graduates, meaning you've raked in millions of dollars since last we spoke? NEAT. Your empire gets larger and larger at every moment, while my own influence seems to be the same as it was a few years ago? AWESOME. I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU. The thing is...it's my own freaking fault.  One: I decided to go looking.  And two: when I decided that I was going to go my own way, I also decided that I wasn't going to measure success by the typical standard. That means I'm not tracking likes, views, shares, or follows as a measure of my business' influence. I've tracked the numbers and the ...
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you. For waking up. Every day. For showering whenever possible. For seeing the mountains of work to be done, morning after morning, and going to it. For holding her up when she couldn't climb any further. For shouldering his pack when you were exhausted. For smiling when inside, you were breaking. I'm proud of you for greeting this morning with something like kindness. I know it's easier to fling yourself into despair and berate the world for all it's done, to give up on living a better or more interesting or engaging life. It's easier to shut it down. Close it down. Lock it down. I'm proud of you for opening, again and again, in the face of all the world's frustrations; for staring all those reasons to give up in the eyes and standing again, today, in the middle of the mountain. I'm proud of you ...
You're not the boss of me.
Sometimes I find myself obeying rules no one ever told me or that don't make sense anymore.  For example: blazers.  I gave up on blazers as corporate apparel and threw all mine away when I got my own business.  But then Amazon had this killer blazer and I was all, "Why can't I wear blazers, again?".  Oh, BECAUSE I'M AWESOME AND MADE UP A RULE THAT I'VE ARBITRARILY FOLLOWED FOR YEARS.  In big things and in little things, we follow rules.  We forget that big rules (like not murdering people) matter, but often small rules (like how and when to e-mail people) are self-imposed and entirely optional. Here are a few helpful reminders to help you rid your life of self-imposed rules (and embrace your inner blazer-wearer). You don't have to watch the news.  The news hurts me physically, as I'm an empath, and so watching people suffer or respond ...
For moving into the depths.
We leave ourselves behind all the time. We commit to the marriage, the meeting -- the next step, the next year -- even though we know it's not right. We pretend we really want the marriage, the meeting -- the next step, the next year -- leaving each loud, protesting piece of ourselves behind to rot. We make dull husks of our own lives, acting as if we can't hear all those voices howling in the wind, abandoned. The good news is. We're not dead yet. We're not dead. Yet. We can pick up each of the pieces we've left behind, without guilt or shame for failing to notice what we've been dropping all this time. We can draw our eyes up, past this parched landscape, to all that water teeming with life. We can go in. The waves are passing in short sets; the current is strong; the sharks ...
Konmari (that doesn't suck) for business
Gotta be honest: I've scoffed at 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up' every time I pass it on shelves or tables in the bookstore. I've picked it up, gone, "YAH SO YOU GET RID OF STUFF WHY IS THIS HARD," and then put it back down. Konmari? ::scoff:: I've got that shit nailed. Only I'm afraid of my basement. It's where I put all the stuff that doesn't live in my clutter-free upstairs existence. I avoid going down there so I can tell myself I've got my clutter handled and have no need for any new methods in the sparking joy department. Admittedly, some of the stuff down there is still important. I'm not going to get rid of my Christmas ornaments or my suitcases in order to free up space, 'cause I'll just end up buying them again within a few months.  Likewise, I'll still need rock salt and ...
What do you want to want?
We're weaving through traffic, past abandoned warehouses, filthy streets, and barbed wire fences that are guarding graveyards, seeing all Philly's least savory bits in quick succession. We bang a left and it appears: the building where I got Hermione D. Granger 5-ish years ago. We've come to the shelter to adopt a kitten. SURPRISE! I prop up a smile and grab his hand. I wander into the facility and fight tears. I'm not ready for another cat, even though this is a lovely and thoughtful holiday surprise. I'm not ready to commit to caring for another living thing, no matter how darling or charming or in need of a home that creature might be at the moment. My bandwidth currently holds a giant ghostwriting project, my own smaller writing projects, a host of personal issues, a boyfriend, one cat, one dog, and one flourishing houseplant. I want to want it ...
How to write a book
I believe in the sanctity of the kitchen table. I believe in writing as often as possible, for as long as possible, until you've wrung your brain dry of its contents and you've got nothing but the capacity for physical tasks left within you. I believe in circling back to the table each morning, wearing pants or not, showered or not, ready to write or not, and scrawling your whole fucking heart down the length of the whole fucking page. Whether your writing is interesting isn't your concern. The kitchen table is about telling the truth. All of it, even when you're complaining about being a female and how that means you're expected to cook meals of dinosaur chicken nuggets over and over without complaint because the kids are picky, and how men send up stunned and panicked alert flares when they are forced to cook perfect grilled cheese sandwiches ...
Depression and running a business: keeping the wolf at bay
Last week, a friend said, "I hate myself and I want to die." He talked and I didn't have any idea what to say, for a while, until he got around to asking the question, "What did you do when that happened to you?" It's taken 14 years to come up with an answer, and it isn't even that fucking good, so don't think I've got the secret, okay? I've only got a coupla tricks and a few metaphors, here. Also, I am not and never will be a licensed medical professional, so if you truly do want to hurt yourself, off yourself, stop living, or cease to exist, PLEASE FIND A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THEM IMMEDIATELY. Over the years, I've had to hold numerous clients accountable for making appointments with therapists and then actually going to see them. There's no shame in it -- ...
The tender mercy of house calls
"He's suffering." "I know, but I can't...I can't send him to die on a cold, hard table with fluorescent lighting. I CAN'T." I fall into his arms, weeping while another minute passes. "...didn't doctors...didn't they used to make house calls? Do you think there's anyone who could do that?" "I'll look into it." The doctor will call back in five minutes. He's in bed, barely breathing. His fur rises and falls, hardly perceptible, while he survives another sixty seconds. I light candles and put on some music. I congratulate myself on the choice of unicorn sheets, brand new, and think this is how I would want to die, if it came to that. They'll call in half an hour to give a time. I'm petting him softly and hoping it doesn't hurt. The ceiling fans need to be cleaned. The floor should be mopped. I should pick up the house ...
KK at the beach.
Dude. (Or dudette, but holy crap I've always thought dudette sounds like a lame title. So...) Dude. Have you ever felt like your enjoyment of what's currently happening meant that something terrible was waiting around the corner, or like a happy scene in a movie is only designed to set up the awful thing that's about to happen? Yah. Me, too. That's up for discussion in today's episode of That's What She Said: the secret belief that if you don't enjoy this moment all the way down to its deepest bits and bathe yourself in the joy of life, that you can actually prevent the something bad that's about to happen. (Only you can't, and you know you can't, but somehow you feel better about it if you deny the happy, wibbly, soft, fun, or gleeful bits...) Let's talk about that, and about the simple (but not easy) way that ...
29 ways to stop hiding in your business.  (i.e. My tiny encyclopedia of failed attempts to hide.)
You have a business and sure, you'd like to be seen a little. But not like...BE SEEN be seen. You want peeps to give you money, but that doesn't mean you want to actually be vulnerable in any capacity! Can't people just see THE REAL YOU without your having to go through the exquisite torture of actually showing them who you actually are...!!?? I feel you. Here are the most common ways I call people out when I find 'em hiding -- all of which I've tried to do, and failed. Instead of phrasing these as negatives, I made 'em actionable and positive and shit, but that's only to make them seem less scary. This shit is terrifying. + Accept compliments. + Don't lead with price. + Throw out those clothes you bought because they're practical but in no way reflect who you really are, but they were on sale ...
Money blocks are complicated.  Here's why.
Once, a few years ago, I took one of those Heal Your Money Blocks classes because I was sure that I was pretty much money-broken. Later, I found out that my business had made more money in the previous year than the teacher's had when she penned one of those tell-all, trendy-to-be-transparent essays about her income. So um...I guess my money wasn't blocked? Because I was making more than the teacher? But I didn't FEEL like I had enough, ever...? Dealing with money stuff -- issues, blocks, concerns, patterns -- is never as simple as when you ask someone to be your friend via a handwritten note in third grade. Do you want to be my money block? Circle yes or no. It's actually a really tricky, sometimes sticky situation. (That's what she said.) ...and we humans really want simple solutions to tricky situations. Like when you have a sore ...
Your brain is an asshole.
Like you, I get tons of e-mails every day. When I'm paying attention, those e-mails provide writing material like this: "OK, I need to think on this and get back to you. My desire is an unstoppable force and my butbutbuts are an immovable object." We ALL face excuses in our lives, and we're all privy to our own inner dialogues that make those excuses seem 100% legit. Only most of the time, excuses are a bunch of horseshit. They're little lies our minds tells us to keep us stuck, scared, trapped, immobile, paralyzed, or comfortable. I'm not immune to a single one of these, so if it seems like I'm speaking from experience, I am. ::cough:: I'm going to use a specific thing as the catalyst for all these excuses, since that's easier than coming up with ten examples for each of the ten excuses we're talking about. I'm ...
I don't want to serve you (and other taboo topics).
I don't want to serve you. Serving implies that I fall at your feet, obey your every wish, and succumb to your every whim without question. Serving means I'm the woman who scrubs your feet during a pedicure, or the waitress who doesn't make eye contact while bringing your food to the table, or the clerk at the store who rings out your purchases without comment. Serving energy is heavy energy. I want to play with you. I want to see what happens when we get together and go exploring, much like reuniting Calvin and Hobbes with their trusty wagon before sending them off for an afternoon in the forest. I'll take a look at everything you don't want me to know, then have scary ideas that add up to exactly what you've always dreamed of but have never told anyone out loud. I'll pounce on you with utter delight ...
30-second sales tweaks that don't suck (and make all the difference)
When it comes to the world of selling our work, we can focus on making big-picture financial goals, the advice of endless(ly dull) business books, and implementing complicated strategies until the end of our days. But even if you've got the right tools in place, the right pricing in your business, and the appropriately weird marketing jiving with your peeps, there are tiny tweaks that can make the difference between making the sale and ending up penniless in a moldy apartment, curled up with only your Ramen and Netflix for company. Attitude tweaks, simple reframes of everyday situations, and offering fewer, fewer -- always fewer -- options to your peeps can go a long way toward making the sales that fluff your bank account with more than enough money for ramen, Netflix, and the rent every month. + First: ditch the question marks when you talk about pricing. Question marks ...
Don't let the Adultopus win.
There are 15,000 reasons to worry about the profitability of your business first and everything else second. Yes, your kids need shoes and college keeps getting more expensive. Yes, you want life insurance and health insurance. Yes, you want a retirement account and...yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. I understand. I do. That makes you think you should ignore your deepest and most creative work for the sake of doing urgent stuff like getting the oil changed, putting the laundry away, or paying the bills on time. Please, complete your urgent work. But this is not an either/or situation. Your taking care of these gifts you've been given does not render you incapable of managing your obligations. Don't let the Adultopus take you under. YES, you are past the age where you get to be footloose and fancy-free like your 14-year-old self. Yes, you have responsibilities. You don't have to ...
Joy is a choice.
Every now and again, I'll catch myself stacking work on top of TV shows on top of movies, with podcasts and Instagram to fill even my private in-the-bathroom moments. I'll move from screen to book to device to TV to car radio and back to screen, circling through to keep entertained for every moment, faster and ever more frenetically, until I give in to whatever it is that wants to be heard in the quiet: the message of the patient, tender creatures who live just beneath the scurrying surface of everyday life. Those patient and tender creatures of the quiet help us remember. I've remembered about music. How, given half an hour, a little sheet music, and an instrument, you can make a whole world vanish and reappear, entirely new. How there's no need to record it, save it, or capture it. How music is...and then isn't...every day, in every ...
The trouble with mentors and the problem with bullet points.
Today, an uncomfortable topic. Mentors, and when their voices in your head kinda sorta totally take over and hijack your ways of being in the world, and then the awkward fight to get the voices in your head to be your own again. Eeeeesh. There are mentors I've paid to engage with, mentors I've only viewed from a distance via internet-y means, and brilliant peers I've spent a great deal of time in the company of, and all of them are reflected in what follows. This isn't an indictment of any one individual or group of individuals. I've been just as influenced by a number of online gurus whom I've never met as I have been by some individuals I've spent a shit-ton of time with, and I'm guessing that you're the same way. Only we as individuals can know the measure of our influencers -- and most people wouldn't ...
How to be weird in a way that attracts your peeps + builds your business
Recently, I had a new dominatrixing client referred to me by one of my most trusted peeps, and yet I was really hesitant to get on our first call together. Online, this woman appeared to be chic and elegant, styled and fancy. (All things I am not, as evidenced by everything I've ever created ever.) When we got on the phone, this delightful creature told funny stories and made me laugh and told me all about her struggles with finding clients. That's when it clicked: you're not the person you appear to be online! You're MORE than that. Yes, you like pretty and girly stuff, but you're also prone to making "That's what she said" jokes. You enjoy a styled shoot just like the next person, but you're also the one encouraging the bride to shoot hoops at her wedding. My fantastic client was leaving out the "and" because being ...
The waterfall, the bucket, and big magic.
In the storied past -- which all of us remember, to some extent -- you had to go seeking most anything you wanted to consume. To obtain a book, you had to go to a store or your local library. To read an article, you had to pick up a magazine or a newspaper. To hear music, you had to listen to a record or a tape or a CD using a physical device that couldn't be moved easily. (And my GOD, when Walkmans came out, we all rejoiced!) To watch a movie, you had to either visit the theater or stumble into Blockbuster with your friend(s) and fight for twenty minutes about what to watch before agreeing upon a film nobody particularly objected to seeing. To see photographs, you had to open an album or rifle through a shoebox or develop them yourself, in a tiny black room that ...
The loneliest person on Earth (and other reasons I cried in Hawaii)
Right so. I'm in Hawaii. Everybody is all jealous, and I got a shit-ton of unfollows on Instagram because I'm good at cropping life to make it look perfect here, because um...it's not very hard. Have you seen Hawaii? Aim camera in direction of ocean + years of professional photography experience = click, done, perfect. But today, I've cried a lot. And it's probably not for the reasons you'd think, like I heard a great version of "Over the Rainbow" or I was so moved to gratitude that I had to pull over and weep by a pineapple field. (Though both have happened, and recently.) Today, I went to Turtle Beach. Where the wild Hawaiian Sea Turtles often rest after a long day. They come to feed on the seaweed-laden rocks, then pull themselves up into the sand and plop down for the day. I'm swimming in the ocean, floating ...
You are called to expand.
The game of it is getting more alive each day, refusing to close or to stifle your whole being in the face of despair. The trick of it is opening relentlessly, letting all the world reach you: exposing your neck to a creature who may bite. Refusing to kill off your most vital bits when it does. ...and when you find those who are more alive than you, ask their secrets. (This is the only one I know so far.) -- Expansion, contraction, and the best obituary you can imagine.  It's light and dark, easy and oh-so-difficult, in this episode of That's What She Said ...
10 measures of success that don't include dollars
Money doesn't equal success, though it is an easy shorthand to refer to when you're not feeling particularly creative. Here are 10 alternative ways to check in with your success without referencing your bank account: + Working from home without losing your mind. + Going through a tube of sunscreen per week due to incessant beach visits. + Spending more than an hour outside on a work day. + Refusing to lead with price. + Going for the little win. + Going your own way, even when it's pretty much insane looking to everyone else. + Embracing your creative process. + Soliciting feedback and realizing your clients see you. And love you. + Refusing to give up on your soul's work. + Releasing a project that was many years in the making ...
For those dreams that will not die.
Give me mess, and questions with no answers, and long days spent doing absolutely nothing but cuddling under a blanket with the perfect roast of coffee to drink. Fuck perfection. Fuck professionalism. Fuck the thin veneer meant to mask worlds of hurt and derision. Give me the truth. Give me your pain and your vulnerable bits. Give me those pieces to hold together and love as you fall swiftly apart. Fuck lying of all kinds, both to yourself and to those around you. Fuck holding it together and keeping calm. Give me the tears, the unborn bits, the dreams that will not die no matter how many times you have tied them in a bag full of rocks and thrown them into the lake to drown. Let’s start there, love. Let’s start with what’s keeping you alive — or at least what refuses to die — and bring it into ...
10,000 hours: in defense of doing it wrong
When I was 14, I was the world's greatest poet. I knew everything there was to know, and my perfectly rhyming, perfectly innocent poems were my star babies. I finished my poetry projects on time and I got an A+ long before anyone else had even submitted their work. This writing stuff is easy! I'm going to do this for a living! ...and then I met my first love. And loved hard. And broke up. Solitude used to be my favorite thing, but it became a torture chamber. Depression and loneliness were waiting for me every time I got a second alone. By sticking to safe subjects and easy formulas, I had mastered absolutely nothing in my earlier years. But hot damn, I had fallen in love with the words themselves. And so I returned to them. I crawled around the shores of poetry, littered with words, and started clunking ...
On doing the work. (Read: the struggle is real.)
You are not allowed to fall at the feet of the muse and play victim. You are called to show up. To give it time. Commitment. Playmates. (It isn't great work because it's easy. It's great work because it is only yours to do.) You will fall down and you will let yourself down. Without a doubt. You will get back up and it will be okay. Without a doubt. You will do your work and it won't be the thing everyone understands, or the thing Grandma wishes you would do, or the thing your partner keeps pushing at you to make a few extra bucks. It's the thing you deny; the thing you run from, the whisper you pretend doesn't exist so you can get through one more day. It calls to you. Softly. Loudly. At inopportune moments. When you're sleeping and when you're fresh from dreamland. In the ...
Let's find a way in to your creative work.
It's different every morning. Sometimes it's cleaning up the kitchen, righting everything in my path. Emptying the dishwasher and wiping the counters while waiting for my coffee to finish brewing. Sometimes it's listening to a podcast and hoping something sticks. Sometimes it's setting up my office outside, and lately it's been heading for the local Starbucks. Today it was praying to all that's holy: "Carry me." Finding a way into your creative work can be the hardest part of working. The monumentally stressful bits aren't what everyone would imagine them to be: writing once you've started, or painting once you've made the time, or making up a recipe once you've gathered your ingredients and laid them all out before you. The hardest part is the first step: staring at the blank page. Stepping into the studio. Giving up all the chores, tasks, and to-do's you use to distract yourself in ...
Leaving the School of Judgement
I can say "I like going to Whole Foods" kindly and simply, because I like looking at pyramids of lemons whilst picking up my citrus fruits. Or I can say "I like going to Whole Foods" with disdain, as if your choice to not be at Whole Foods right now makes you lower than cockroach scum on the food chain. As if to say: My choices? SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS. I used to judge everyone I met before they could judge me. It was a game I played in real time, passing people on the street: Fat. Bald. Jiggly. Those shoes. Those teeth. Hair. Loud. Rude. Redneck. Mullet. Republican. ...on and on, thinking of all the insults I could give in case those strangers insulted me first. I was beating them to the punch! Go me! Only. No one ever insulted me. No complete stranger ever appeared out of ...
To a bigger life.
My dreams aren’t small. My life is big. I care too much about living, about drinking beers with friends and reading and painting and long lunches and days at the beach and spontaneous roadtrips to schedule myself within an inch of my life or sacrifice the endless now for some indeterminate future where I’ll have time to do all the things I’m already doing, only with a bigger wardrobe and much better investments. I refuse to give up the ability to stop everything and write a poem on a park bench in the middle of the afternoon. Because my dreams aren’t small. My life is big. P.S. You are called to expand ...
Worshiping at the Altar of Busy
I finished writing a book! And do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. The world doesn’t hold a parade or launch surprise fireworks or ship you a case of champagne because you finished a book or completed that project or sold that thing or lost those pounds. It keeps on keeping on, and it’s your job to celebrate well. In this episode of That’s What She Said, we talk about the importance of celebrating, of refusing to move the goal line (i.e. I wanted to lose 3 pounds but then I did that so now I want to lose 30), about saying “yes” to living, and refusing to worship at the altar of Busy. (When you find a worshipper, unsubscribe. Unfollow and walk away slowly.) Let’s talk space. Freedom. Time. White space. And fake tattoos with cocktails. P.S. In case you're jealous: how to write a book ...
12 things to say "yes" to every time
Silence. Sure, you can blast music or turn to a screen or open a magazine. You can also give yourself some space. Ten breaths. Five minutes. A long pause. Yoga. (Or whatever gives you energy and makes your body feel good.) Bikram is a pain in my ass because it's long (90-minute class), it's far away (30-minute drive), and it requires doing a load of laundry immediately (105-degree temperatures will do that). It's also an energetic shakedown that leaves me feeling better than when I went into the room, no matter what. Totally worth it. Tears. Let it out. Roll around, get all dramatic, be miserable, and then move on. It's the keeping-it-stuck-and-refusing-to-cry energy that causes gross stuff to happen, not a few tears rolling down your face. Travel. Always, even when it doesn't seem to fit the schedule or the budget. This has taken me to California and Baltimore ...
On taking care of yourself. (Or not.)
“I’m not very good at taking care of myself.” My client confessed it as if she was telling me she'd killed a puppy or strangled her next door neighbor for playing music too loudly. Instead, I laughed. You're not good at taking care of yourself? Oh hi, welcome to the club. We all have cycles that govern our lives, and we all pretend they can be ignored in the name of getting more shit done for our businesses, our families, our work, our pets, our kids, our colleagues, our…everything-but-our-selves. In this episode of That’s What She Said, we talk about all the cycles. Sleep cycles. Hunger cycles. Sugar-craving cycles. Procrastination cycles. Work cycles. Menstrual cycles. All of it. You’re not stupid or terrible or awful person. You just need to take an honest look at your cycles. You'll also hear my favorite counter-intuitive business advice and I'll love on the ...
How to stress less when your bank account is skinnier than Kate Middleton
You're broke. Or you feel broke, even though technically there's money in your bank account. You're getting paid $1.17 after taxes or child support payments or expenses. You owe thousands upon thousands of dollars in credit card debt. Your clients aren't booking like they usually do. You're freaking out. You can't quite breathe. Feeling powerless and overwhelmed by mounds of debt sucks big hairy balls. So first, before we talk strategies or how-to's or ideas that might help you out, take back your power. You can turn this around if you refuse to be overwhelmed by it. You run a business, and you've got income streams at your disposal. You've also got a brain, some good ideas, and three minutes to do this exercise with me. Ready? How can you make $1,000 in the next week? Not $7,000 or $12,000 or $47,000...one thousand dollars. You've made a thousand dollars before ...
Sharing a Shamrock Shake with Bill Murray
The other night, I dreamed that my Dad and I were in Punxsutawney to hear John Candy's stand-up routine when Bill Murray showed up and asked for a sip of my shamrock shake. (Obviously.) When we makers and business owners doubt our creativity or think we've got nothing new to say, isn't it neat that our brains can conjure this shit up? John Candy is dead, shamrock shakes are out of season, my Dad and I aren't planning a roadtrip, and Bill Murray...yah yah yah yah yah, my brain gestures impatiently. JUST WATCH. The creative act -- whether you're making dinner or a new product or a different service or a movie or painting or a day that feels better than yesterday -- comes with plenty of roadblocks that make logical sense. You're tired. You're out of cash. You've got no supplies. You're not as good as ______________. But that ...
The Eleventh Hour.
This is the part where you weep, and it isn't pretty. Admit to all that isn't working. Everything that can't be fixed. The deadlines you've missed. The ways you've let yourself down. All the reasons he or she or they would have done it better. This is the part where you let it break. It's not going according to plan. You're tired. You don't know how you'll finish. You can't quite see the way. You haven't been able to see the way for entirely too long. This is the part where you hold your heart up, barely beating, and ask why anyone would want it anyway. This is the not the dramatic victory. Nor is it the defeat. This is the eleventh hour. This is when you invite bright faith to join you, together listening for the steady pulse beneath it all: This matters, this matters, this matters. You matter, ...
How I write books in 6 weeks or less.  (i.e. fuck the plan)
I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn that I don't write books like most people. Other writers tell me they maintain a fairly slow and steady pace, chipping away a thousand words at a time for months upon months. Years, even. They are perfectly capable of submitting detailed outlines to editors and of making a legit Table of Contents they'll stick to as their book unfolds. Not me. Here's a behind-the-scenes look at the way I write, in all its glory. (Hint: there's not really any glory. But there is a rainbow keyboard.) First, I go hunting. I gather up all the scraps and bits and snippets I've written on my phone, on my laptop, and in my notebooks. Podcast pieces, class transcripts, and poems. Inspiring words I've written as responses to particularly moving e-mails. All of it. Everything I've written since the last time I released a book. I ...
Everyone is not for everyone.
I'm at the wedding, plopped in an adirondack chair high in the yard, enjoying a cold beer while I watch folks in fancy dress mingle on the dock. The chatter of the other guests is all around me, a gentle fuzz of voices, when a woman stops in front of my seat. "Who are you and why are you sitting all by yourself!?" I blink. And laugh. "I'm the DJ's girlfriend. I don't know anyone." "Well, this is my daughter, Carli, and this is Grandma. Now you know someone." A blue-eyed old woman clutching red wine and smoking copiously plops down beside me. Carli, blond and light, proceeds to talk about Beverly Hills 90210 ("If my boyfriend is ever a drug dealer, I should dump him, right?"), her friends' moms and dads ("They're living together but she pays all his bills, that's not right, is it?"), and her 10th birthday ...
How to not give a fuck.
One of the most common questions peeps ask me the first time we chat, whether in person or on the phone, is how I got to be me -- this person who can drop the f-bomb and have pink hair and say the things no one else wants to say, and then expose deep parts of myself on the internets for all to see -- without being crippled by fear or doubt or all the terrible things that could befall me for such vulnerability. How do I do THAT? It's a process, but here's the thing: I don't give a fuck. Each and every day, I have to guard the fucks I give, and worrying about what people think will steal my fucks like nothing else. I have to help people be true to themselves, and write books and make podcasts and take care of my cats and dog and ...
I'm doing it!  (Followed quickly by) I'm doing it wrong!
Turns out I'm doing this podcasting thing all wrong. I started a podcast with only one episode. (Apparently I was supposed to have 3 to 8 to start.) I've got no editorial calendar, because I talk about what my peeps are talking about, and I can't know what they'll be talking about in six to nine months. (PARTY FOUL. Big time.) I've got short episodes with no editing, no intro or outro, no witty theme song, and no sponsors. (Only a voice and a mic? Holy fuck, SO WRONG.) I don't have the big fancy epic podcast hosting package that assures me I'll be successful. I don't pay $200-$300 an episode for a transcript because I write most of what I'm going to say out beforehand. (UGH NO TRANSCRIPT! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, HOW COULD YOU!?) I don't care about whether I'm featured in the New & ...
Are you an empath?
I'm six, high on sugar and singing Jingle Bells with my church group, when we walk into the nursing home. She reaches out to touch my face and all of a sudden, tears stream down my cheeks. I look into her eyes and feel the weight of the sorrow that surrounds her like a shroud. It's heavy and hopeless, a familiar cloak to the woman before me. For a handful of moments, I know the many facets of her sadness, even as she sits listening to the these well-meaning Christmas carolers singing in her cramped living room. This is my earliest memory of feeling someone else's feelings. We had visited private homes and nursing homes like this one on our caroling rounds. I wasn't expecting this one to be any different. But then I met that old lady, reaching forward with such joy and transferring such sorrow to me. The ...
Information overload (and overlords)
You're going to start reading those books you've purchased or working through those programs you've been hoarding on your hard drive or listening to those language recordings tomorrow. Or next week. Or next month. Or this summer. You've got no time right now, and you haven't had time for the past few years. But someday...soon...SOON... Let's cut the bullshit, okay? Either you care about that thing, or you don't. You're going to survive either way. You have permission to delete the recording or programs you're not going to use. They're eating up mental bandwidth and draining your energy by causing you to feel guilty each and every time you stumble across them. Maybe you've moved on. That information is no longer fascinating, or no longer applicable. Toss it. Delete it. Donate it. Recycle it. Get it out of your life. Maybe you've changed your mind. You were going to take ...
Tiny Rituals and the Fine Art of Motivation
There's an art to keeping yourself motivated over the long haul. It isn't as simple as following five steps in a row, or making a Motivation Map or vision board or whatever the shizbuckets is popular these days. Motivation is complicated, and it's most difficult to manage when you're already sleep-deprived, broke, stressed, or all three. But tiny rituals help. Tiny rituals are just that...tiny. Daily. Rituals. They're habits that keep you not only motivated, but fully alive and present. They're not a big deal, they don't require your participation in any 30-day challenges, and they take no offense if you skip a day or 17. Tiny rituals aren't little judgey assholes scrunching up their noses while discussing how much you suck. They're immensely helpful little beings of light. Tiny ritual #1: guard your beginnings and endings. Whether you're choosing to work for nine minutes or nine hours a day, ...
Opening is an act.
When I talk with peeps about my history of getting all honest and vulnerable on the regular, whether I'm talking about depression or how it feels to fail miserably or how hard it is for me to take time off and chill the fuck out instead of working constantly, they end up asking one thing: how!? How do you know it will work? How do you know people won't say horrible things? How do you know people won't judge you, or use your secrets against you, or make fun of you? I don't. I don't know that it will work, or that people will refrain from saying horrible things, or that I won't be judged heavily and mightily. Opening is an act. It's one I've come to rely on as the only way to step further into whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing in the world. In 2009, ...
Pay Me, Dammit!
Any of these sound familiar? You're afraid of making more money because you think you’ll somehow change -- like making six or seven figures means you sprout horns and become a racist, sexist, no good, very bad asshole of DOOM. (It doesn’t make any sense when you say it out loud, but when one more BMW driver cuts you off in traffic, it seems to make perfect sense.) Or you don't think you deserve it. Or you don't trust yourself to make more money. (I mean, you keep spending the money you make sort of poorly — like, where does it go!? — so you figure you’ll just continue the cycle, only with tens of thousands of dollars at a time. Or you're caught in a pattern of just getting by, and that's how you're most comfortable: NOT getting paid. Or you're actually quite secure in letting your partner or ...
Reclaim your energy, become a quitter.
Once we've determined how many lights on your dashboard are blinking, and you've established a baseline for self care, we can talk about ways to get your real life back. To get your energy back. To restore the peace you deserve, instead of running around like an iPhone-addicted-blinking-beeping-dinging maniac. It's time to actively reclaim all your energies. Input, input, input.  Make sure your active collection of inspiration is equal to all the work you're putting into the world. Episode 5 of my That's What She Said podcast covers this in detail. Facebook groups. Quit 'em, leave 'em, give up the administration of 'em. I recently left all the groups I'd joined -- even the ones I'd paid to be a part of -- because I simply wasn't using them. I felt a pang of anxiety each time one showed up in my newsfeed -- but not ENOUGH anxiety to click ...
The first choice. (You know, the one that affects all your other business choices.)
For years, my best friend Doey's corporate work meant she came home five days a week with her brain turned to mush and preeeeetty much all her energies sapped. She flopped on the couch before she could talk to Marty, even though they were newly married and she loved him more than anyone else on the planet. Those few minutes of rest could stretch into hours, simply because she's a total introvert who had to expend all her extroverted juice (and then some) throughout the course of her day job. I guarantee you're not reading that like, "Doey sounds like a real ASSHOLE." You're nodding in agreement because you've been there. We've all had jobs that pretty much drove us crazy and that seemed to leech our energies from us without our awareness. We've come home with absolutely nothing left to give. But nothing changes if you don't. It's your ...
The ultimate sales tool isn't what you think
When you think of absolutely crucial sales tools for your business, you probably think of technology.  Apps, credit card swipes, merchant processing accounts, and maybe good ol' Paypal.  But in truth, your ultimate sales tool is an attitude.  It's the art of not-reacting to whatever is coming up with your clients, no matter how awkward, and is known as...wait for it...non-reactive presence. Non-reactive presence is the most important skill you'll need to master for long-term success in keeping your peeps happy. (Where non-reactive presence means not losing your shit when you'd like to completely and utterly go berserk.) Cultivating your non-reactive presence means maximizing your ability to keep yourself calm and centered at all times. Even while receiving criticism or negative feedback. Even when people are being unreasonable or a little bit crazy. Further, it's being able to find the useful nuggets hidden within the words a person is saying ...
You should probably give up.
You’re going to fail. Hard. You’re going to fall flat on your face, like the 13-month-old kid who’s learning to walk and then WHAM! catches a lip on the coffee table and screams for the next 40 minutes. You’re going to wish you had never, ever started a business. You’re going to compare yourself to others’ highlight reels. The victorious tales. The entrepreneur who started with a peanut, a paper clip and thirty cents and then sold the company for $1.2 billion. The woman who made cookie treats in her basement and then started the world’s largest cookie franchise. Tale after tale, like stark-raving success porn, lavished upon you via the interwebs and in all the business magazines available at your local bookstore. Only sometimes, the tales aren’t victorious. Sometimes you biff really hard, like that time you were trying to do a wheelie on your bike to impress your ...
The 'C' word: community and your place in it
For a while, it was all about the food.  Bear and I didn't want to cook breakfast and we needed some eating establishment close by to remedy the problem. That's how we ended up at Rich's. The first few times we went, we wondered how the place stays in business: paper plates, really? Ads on the tables, really? Color-coded booths and Good Morning America on the TV, really? We judged the crap out of the place, but as we still found ourselves hungry for breakfast each morning, we kept going. The waitresses learned our daily order. They started bringing our drinks without asking. The hostess learned about what we do. The twin sisters who work there asked if we wanted to hang out sometime. The owner learned our faces and started making inappropriate jokes when he saw us. At some point, the shift from 'this is the place where we ...
When perfect actually...sucks.
Over the course of a few years, I’ve watched a colleague make wildly successful stuff from a distance. She’s reworked and reworked the same material until it shines. EVERYTHING is more beautiful than ever. The website is glamorous and cutting-edge. The downloads are speedy, the content is precise, the user experience from start to finish is clean and has been absolutely perfected. But it just doesn’t feel like it used to. It feels a little cold, a little sterile. A little too shiny. A little too ‘YAY ISN’T LIFE SO GREAT NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO ME EVER, SORRY FOR YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WHO AREN’T LIVING A PERFECT LIFE. I'VE NEVER HAD AN EVEN MODERATELY BAD HAIR DAY, AND ALL RED LIGHTS NATURALLY TURN GREEN IN MY PRESENCE, SUCKAH.’ I was clicking around, wondering how making something better and better could actually HURT an endeavor, when it struck me: You can ...
Spring cleaning without the Windex
Every year, when spring hits, I go a teensy bit crazy. I start working on tasks that I've ignored all winter like the fate of the world depends on them. Like... The stovetop must be scoured, the windows must be washed, the painting must be touched up. IF THE BASEMENT STAIRS AREN'T SWEPT AND MOPPED TODAY, THE ALIENS WILL WIN. It gets a little crazy. Then, inevitably, the place looks better. SO much better that I notice the light fixture in the bathroom is looking a little...dated. And the kitchen housewares could use a good purging. And I'd reaaaaaally like this new wallpaper for the bedroom. The list goes on and on. One good change leads to another, just the way we all used to be disgusted by green smoothies and now we suck 'em down without thinking twice. I'm not going to advocate over-the-top cleaning of your house today ...
"Should I get a real job?" and the sidecar.
Modern magazines and newspapers and TV shows like Shark Tank make owning a business look like the most glamorous thing on Earth. Oooh, look at that hustle! Oooh, check out that drive! Wow, sales QUINTUPLED after being on the show, and now she’s the most fulfilled chocolate-pretzel-dipping factory owner on Earth! Making your living through business is all fine and dandy, but no one is talking about the sidecar. If owning a business is like riding a motorcycle, all the shit that comes with business is the sidecar. (We’re not talking a cute sidecar like the one Sean Connery rides around in during Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, either.) The sidecar holds all the stuff you didn’t sign up for when you daydreamed about being paid to do what you’re good at: bookkeeping, accounting, social media management, time management, e-mail management, boundary-setting, promotion-making, cashflow projections, tax filing, client communications, ...
depression Kristen kalp
We all have things we'd rather not share. There's the usual: photos of the messy house/child/pet/car/desk/area.  Shamrock Shakes as dinner.  That stack of stuff behind the bedroom door.  The mismatched outfit you wore out of the house before you realized it was sort of tragic.  (Two tie-dyes NEVER match, dammit.) There's the unusual: your cheeseboard fetish.  Your video game collection.  Your curated-to-within-an-inch-of-their-lives bookshelves.  (Your meows.  Coming out of the spiritual closet.) And then there's the truly messy stuff of life.  Your doubts, your failures, your depression.  When I first talked about my depression in this article, I had no idea how it would strike a nerve with peeps -- and lately, they're asking for more.  Yes, you HAVE depression, but how do you HANDLE it? That, my friends, is the topic of the this That's What She Said podcast. In this episode, you'll get short, practical, and simple steps for ...
That's What She Said!  The greatest podcast ever.
The That's What She Said podcast will help you make more money and meaning in your life without asking you to 'crush it,' to 'hustle,' to work toward the 'next level,' or to refer to everything you make as 'content.' Not a business owner?  I also aim to make your/our/everyone's feelings mentionable and manageable. I'm 1000% honest and vulnerable so you feel less alone as you go about your days. Sign up for weekly-ish emails so you never miss an episode! Get started by picking an episode below. 297: In my IDGAF era (and the release of Goldenswift Jewelry!) 296: Reporting from Toothpaste (and by toothpaste I mean burnout) 295: Rob Bell is in the house! 294: The Wall of NO. (Innermost event = canceled) 290, 291, 292, 293: Taboo Time with Rachel Clifton! 289: Navigating Business With Ease // The Innermost Curriculum 288: The Innermost is HERE! 287: The ...
10 ways to get freer
My peeps chase freedom like nobody's business, but holy crap can it be hard to make that abstract concept tangible and clear.  For some it looks like a boho fantasy that culminate in Burning Man, while for others it looks like tens of thousands in a 401(k) and a meeting with a financial planner.  No matter which way you go, though...freedom has tenets and relies on basic actions in the world. Here are ten ways I've collected that will help you get freer pretty much instantly. Say "no." All the time. This morning, this afternoon, tomorrow. To that client, to that request, to that offer for 'exposure' or 'credit' or good feels. Here are 20 perfectly nice ways to say "no" if you need help in this department. Say "yes" to the unexpected. Surprise yourself. Work three hours longer than you intended. Take the whole day off. Drive to the ...
Too much cauliflower (and other reasons your coaches are failing you)
"Therapy doesn't work. It just...doesn't." "Well," I ask, "did you ever tell your therapist the truth?" ::eye dart:: "Yah..." "The whole truth?" "No, of course not. Those parts of me are too messy to be seen." "Ah, you gave them cauliflower. The real problem was that you don't know how to be in the world after [insert traumatic event], and you told them your cauliflower wasn't seasoned correctly, metaphorically speaking. So you talked about how to cook cauliflower, and which spices to use, and you looked up cauliflower tricks and you now make the best cauliflower on Earth, but...cauliflower was never really the problem." "Exactly." Whether you're working with a coach, a therapist, a trainer, a teacher, a mentor, a facilitator, a spiritual advisor, or a mastermind group, telling the deep truth is the only way to get meaningful help. Yes, you want more clients. But really? You're afraid of ...
AWKWARD!  Handy-dandy steps for handling any awkwardness life throws at you
As you navigate your time in business -- and on this planet -- you're naturally going to come up against some awkward-as-shit situations.  People won't pay on time, or they'll have complaints you can't possibly have seen coming, or they'll demand a full refund for a product they've just happily consumed. Oh, you didn't like the donuts!? THEN WHY DID YOU EAT A DOZEN OF THEM? It's not easy to handle these things, but here's a stab at tackling most any awk-a-awk-a-awkwardness you're currently facing. Give yourself a minute. As in, say "I'll get back to you" or "Let me check" or "I'm not sure." There's no need to have an answer the minute someone asks a question. If I ask you what the answer to the equation 372 x 485 is, you don't have an immediate answer. You would need to consult your calculator.  The same goes for, "Can ...
I weigh *** pounds (and other truths about working from home)
Let's visit The Land of Brutal Honesty. It's a dark place, but a necessary one. In the land of brutal honesty, we've got to talk about the voices in your head that say terrible things. Let's hone in on my personal voice, since that's the one most readily available to me at any given time. My personal voice says I'm too fat to do __________, where any activity that fills in the blank has nothing to do with the size of my things. Friend, here is actual dialogue heard coming from my brain in the past week: "You weigh 182 pounds, you think you can write that!?" (For sure, the number on the scale affects my ability to make sentences. Don't you know people who weigh less than 100 pounds make the best sentences? You. Break. Sen. tences, Kris-ten?) "You're so...fucking...fat. So fat. Soooooo fat." (This one plays on loop ...
Your Voice versus The Tyranny of The New
"I can't do that...I've got a core group of people I serve, and they want to see new stuff from me," she said, one month into motherhood and sleep deprived on a Thursday morning. I protested. "But...it's not like what you write only applies to one day. Brilliant articles about the way minds work or why consumers do what they do aren't only relevant for one day a year!" She sighed. "Okay...okay." Like many of us, she's tempted to keep creating and creating, pushing and pushing without end. We're all subjected to the absolute tyranny of The New. (Note the caps, people: this is serious. The New.) In social media terms, if it was created more than 30 minutes (or seconds) ago, it's useless or worthless or irrelevant, unless it's showing up in a retro-oriented Buzzfeed quiz or freaking ancient and on display at The Met. Only The New isn't ...
It's difficult because it matters.
We’re chatting and my coaching client is talking about how well things are going. She’s made significant changes to her business. It feels better, it’s growing, it’s no longer a source of disagreement in her marriage. We laugh, we make plans to talk again. Before we hang up she says, “Wait, Kristen. I just need some encouragement.” “Yah?” “I feel like… There’s way too much to learn…everyone else is doing it so well and I’m never gonna catch up.” Ah. Yes. THAT. Welcome to the club. There is SO much to learn — about everything, all the time. We have access to millions of classes at our fingertips. Where once we had to go to great effort to learn new stuff, now it’s practically beating down our doors. Sorting through the available classes to figure out which ones are worth it is difficult. Making the time to learn the things ...
The Art of the Little Win
You don’t have enough time to do it the perfect way. It would take six years to write a novel at your pace. It will take six months to make a single painting with the little time you steal away. The graphic designer you want to hire has a one year waitlist. All true. All true. And yet. Sometimes the answer is to just do it — to go for the little win. You can go the Pinteresting route and take 8 steps to create a gallery wall in your house, or you can eyeball it and just start hammering. You can make an editorial calendar for the next six months, or you can write a blog post and publish it today. You can plan your whole year around the new brand or product or service or novel you’re going to create, or you can hammer out a first draft ...
Climbing Mount Visibility: get your work seen without driving your customers crazy
Being in business is a lot like being on a trek in the mountains. You're putting one foot in front of the other, day after day, and you're not exactly sure you're on the right path. The conditions change, you question your choices, and you feel good or not so good. You keep going. You're climbing Mount Visibility, getting the world to notice your business and what you have to offer. How do you reach the summit without burning out or driving your customers crazy? 1.) Stop hiding. It’s the hardest step, and it’s not freaking easy. Are you willing to be seen? Are you ready for it to be embraced, beloved, and generally chatted up like a Kardashian at a champagne mixer in Vegas? Are you willing for your work to be brushed over, ignored, and misunderstood? You’ve got to be ready for both sides of the coin when ...
Bear pants and the inbox: a tale of communication gone wrong
Most peeps in small business — ESPECIALLY creatives, the bulk of the peeps I work with — think they’re annoying the ever-loving snot out of their customers by contacting them. They send e-mails out to their peeps MAYBE twice a month, more like once a month, or maybe…okay, let’s be honest.  Twice a year.   They freak about what to say (my ultimate newsletter template can help), how to say it, and how much they’re “bothering” their peeps. 🚨ALERT ALERT If this 👆🏻sounds like you, pick up How To F*#*ing Communicate!  This class will help you talk to your peeps with a regular newsletter while a.) making dollars and b.) not freaking the fuck out. Let me tell you a story about bear pants. See, I bought these pants for a friend’s birthday. I don’t normally shop in Eddie Bauer, but I unwittingly unleashed the hounds with this purchase.  Turns ...
In praise of analog
Baking bread. An actual day planner. That big calendar on the wall. A tattered notebook full of ideas. Books.  (Novels, cookbooks, reference books, coffee table books…books.) Walking. Landines. Mix tapes. Film. There’s something downright magical about indulging in the analog world. There’s also something rebellious about taking the time-consuming, not-as-productive, not-even-a-little-bit-rushed way. Taking the time to read a book instead of watching the movie makes time for magic.  The gaps between putting the bread in the oven and waiting for the oven to ding make room for dance parties and long conversations.  The distance between a roll of film being shot and returning, developed, to its owner is nearly infinite.  Anything can happen in the interim. In a world that’s pushing for more and more faster and faster, I dare you to slow way down and enjoy the process itself. If you’re writing, grab a notebook. If you’re shooting, choose ...
Come out of hiding, please.
I work with insanely talented, passionate entrepreneurs who are making and doing incredible things, only they're facing down a common enemy: hiding.  Not wandering off into the woods and going off the grid.  Not playing hide and seek.  Hiding, like self sabotaging to make sure no one takes notice of their work.   Sound familiar? You keep doing the work and making insanely awesome stuff happen in your business, and then… making absolutely sure no one sees it in wildly creative ways. Failing to mention your work anywhere -- on the internet or off. Not mentioning it when clients ask. Offering to do it for free instead of getting paid. Staying so afraid someone will “copy” it that you never show it to anyone. Refusing to get on stage even though that’s where you’re happiest. Not telling anyone about that new thing you made up. It’s common to hide when ...
Everything I know about time management.
Ever started a new routine to handle your time during the day? It goes like this… I’m gonna do all the things! Look at me, weeeeeeeeeeeee, I’M DOING ALL THE THINGS! I am a golden goddess! I am perfect! Then, a week goes by. You sleep in, or you miss an appointment, or you decide to get rid of that time you allotted for marketing in order to catch up on some e-mail. And then it happens. Screw you, stupid schedule! You go all freeform on your time. You don’t try salvaging what’s working, you just dump the whole schedule out of your life and go back to freestyle getting things done. So. Nothing gets done. A few weeks later… I’m gonna do all the things! ::and round and round it goes:: As a business owner, there are questions that can frame your day without rigid scheduling. How will I ...
How to stand out, even if you do the same thing as everyone else.
In my bikram yoga classes (clearly this was written in The Before, forgive me pandemic reader!), teachers are required to follow a script. For ninety minutes, they're told what to say, when to say it, and how long each pose should last. Everything is timed to the second, and everything is strictly regimented. The room must be 105 degrees. The humidity must be set to forty percent. The lighting must be overhead and unflattering. The mirrors must be placed at the front and sides of the room. (You get the idea.) You'd think there'd be no major differences between teachers, right? WRONG. To protect the innocent, we'll change names and run through the teachers I've worked with recently. Let's-call-him-Brandon is a new teacher. He barrels through class without any variation or ad-libbing because he's so clearly afraid of forgetting his lines entirely. He hardly pauses between poses, anxious to get ...
Celebrate your (business) crockpot.
You walk in the front door and the whole house smells like dinner. You feel safe, loved, and warm — cause man, it’s cold outside. Only there’s no one in the kitchen. There’s no one slaving away at the counter, blasting music and chopping vegetables. There’s only your crockpot. Your glorious, magnificent crockpot, who toils away for hours without reward to turn raw things into delicious masterpieces with no effort on your part.  (I mean, it's about as sexy as granny panties, but it's still glorious.) It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it? So often, we treat our businesses as stomping grounds for raw ingredients: combine this and this, sell. Add this to that, sell. But... Business doesn’t have to be a simple equation that starts with your effort and ends with…more effort. Why not leave a room for the slow simmer of your crockpot? For creating a body of work ...
This phrase blew my mind. For a whole year.
You know how sometimes, you're going about your day and then one simple phrase changes the way you see absolutely everything? Here's the phrase that has kept me gobsmacked for the better part of a year. Your first job is to receive. It doesn't seem like much, and it might even strike you as some kind of new-age-y bullshit. Hear me out. This is coming from an internationally best-selling author, a lightning bolt of controversy who has his own TV show and enjoys the benefits of having Oprah on speed dial. He's not giving advice to push, to get out there and make shit happen, to take action and more action and even more action. He's not saying, "Your first job is to hustle." Or pray. Or wake up earlier. Or buy my $2,000 program. Your first job is to receive. To take stock of what you've already got and ...
How to find your voice. With examples and easy activities.
Here's the thing. The thing about finding your voice and then expressing it. We can make it into a big, complicated search with much wringing of hands and lamenting of life circumstances, or we can do some activities and fill in some blanks. I'm a fan of the latter, so let's get your voice out into the world. I call finding your voice being a flavor, because hey, that sounds less cliche. And I call the most distinct flavor ever 'cilantro,' because people either love it or hate it. Be a Flavor rule #1: Like stuff. Any stuff. “Stupid” stuff, embarrassing stuff, petty stuff. Guilty pleasure stuff. Political stuff, religious stuff, hipster stuff. Quirky stuff, funny stuff, nerdy stuff. Geeky stuff, pretty stuff, new stuff, used stuff. You already like what you like, but you probably haven’t made a habit of sharing your likes with the world. Sure, you’ve filled ...
Your whole year, planned with one question.
There's a point when I leave the Trader Joe's. Cart unloaded, car trunk full. I'm angry every single time. I've just spent $122.34 on things I need. Practical, everyday items. Avocados, bananas, that cheese-less pizza with the balsamic sauce and the veggies. I've just paid $122.34 to survive. Without frills, sparkly additions or impractical purchases. (And I did NOT buy the Pumpkin Banana Bread Mix, dammit.) I've just paid $122.34 for the bare minimum. UGH. Planning for the bare minimum is a killjoy. It occurred to me, whilst planning the coming business year, that planning for the bare minimum wasn't going so well. I was running numbers and getting exactly 0% excited. Launch this, push that, write this, hustle that. I'm planning to pay the electric bill and the rent, feed the Hermione D. Granger and heat the house. But that's the no frills, totally practical, just-existing-level planning. No frills, ...
Kill your aspirational self.
You have an aspirational self. She has a thigh gap and eats like a champion. He has a six pack and is a stallion in the bedroom. All aspirational selves work out, don't sweat, don't fart, and don't ever swing by a fast food joint for a late-night snack. Inevitably, your aspirational self makes more money than you do. He or she is also fulfilled by life, never second-guesses a single decision, and is incredibly knowledgeable about every topic on earth. Make no mistake: your aspirational self is the most interesting person in the world. You're constantly comparing yourself to your aspirational self and coming up short. (Your house doesn't look like it belongs in a magazine feature. You haven't made those Pinterest recipes or read those articles or implemented that advice. You ate a cookie. You missed a payment. You aren't at Inbox Zero. You let that call go ...
The "B" word: boundaries.
When I say 'boundaries,' I'm not talking about that time your cousin was addicted to some drug and you refused to give her money to buy more, or that time a guy said he wanted to take you home from the bar and you said "No thanks, douchelord." Those are examples of boundaries in action, but they're pretty extreme and obvious. Of COURSE you can stand up for yourself in dramatic situations like those. Boundaries are the everyday practices you implement that teach people how to treat you. Boundaries can be as simple as not answering your phone after 8pm, choosing to return voicemails within 48 hours instead of 1 or 2, or refusing to eat at McDonald's because of its treatment of workers. Everyday practices that teach people how to treat you look a lot like how you respond to e-mails and phone calls, when you let screens into ...
What are you making space for?
I've had more free time than ever this year, having let a major relationship (read: my marriage) go. Post tears and drama, I made a bunch of space for life itself to hijack my existence. Time for stargazing. (Literal, actual stargazing, as well as reading People magazine at the bookstore.) Time for watching movies, reading books, and taking long walks. For dreaming. For long silences. For helping my friends actualize their treasured projects. For letting the next thing make itself known. I could have crammed my life with work, work, and more work to distract myself, but I actively made space for the next big thing. It was a conscious choice. It's led to me being a few pounds heavier, a shit-ton happier, and a whole lot lighter in spirit. And it begs the question... What are you making space for? It's a question no one likes. When I'm talking ...
Starting a business?  The only question you need to answer.
If friends of mine were too afraid to start a business, or were considering switching up businesses, or were generally floundering about in the land of indecision, here's what I would say. Figure out what it is you want your business to give you. Some people have businesses to give them money. Some want freedom, some chase prestige. Some want to make their own damn hours or escape the cubicle. Some want to say they're entrepreneurs because it's sounds good. And some want a damn fine excuse to get away from their families for hours each day. What is it you want your business to give you? Fame, achievement, awards, accolades? Income, safety, stability? Quality interactions with fine humans? A sense of possibility and of controlling your destiny? Alone time and the absence of coworkers? Fulfillment and a sense of purpose? Dollars? Vacations? A new car? A new life? What ...
22 perfectly nice ways to say "NO"
When it comes to being a modern human, we're given about 6,000,000 choices on any given day. We're flooded with requests, notifications, text messages, e-mails, and phone calls from people who want something for us or from us at every turn. That's why mastering the art of saying "no" in a way that feels right for you is critical to your success as an entrepreneur. If you say "yes" to every offer that comes your way out of a sense of guilt, shame, or fear that someone will think you're not a nice person, your calendar will be over-committed in no time flat.  (Also, every light on your dashboard will be blinking.) When you're over-committed, you go around throwing the "I'm so busy" excuse at everyone and their brother. You get less done. Your business suffers from lack of attention. You're stressed right the fuck out all the time. Your ...
22 ways to ask for help
If you're anything like me, asking for help is a tricky matter. You're fiercely independent and don't want anyone to think you haven't got your shit together, or that you're not capable of handling the challenges you're facing at the moment. Only...people want to help. Your partner wants to rub your back. Your coworkers want to help plan the party. Your sister wants to know when you're in over your head, and your colleagues want to know how giving you a ten-minute tutorial can benefit your work life. Only your brain is an asshole, so it says that OF COURSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU, DUMBASS, and then you go about trying to achieve 7 weeks' worth of activities in 7 hours because you are, in fact, a superhero. What if you ask for help? Even though it's hard and it sucks and you feel the warm wash of shame ...
About your underwear.
I've always been an achiever. Give me a sticker or star or Book it! pizza to earn, and I'm all over it, earning away. But you can't achieve a sense of fulfillment. There's no sticker-laden star chart leading to that place where you are deeply and urgently fulfilled by your work in the world. There is no next level. We can only ask questions and see what happens. Where am I helping people? Where do I lose time? Where do I experience a sense of timelessness? What feels like underwear? Yup...what feels like underwear? See, I've been listening to a ton of podcasts and videos and TED talks lately. I don't know where I heard this, but there's a guy talking about underwear. About how where you're sitting right now, you can't even feel them on your body. You're used to the sensation of the fabric against your skin. It's ...
depression Kristen kalp
When in doubt, you'll almost always have two options: the comfortable choice and the uncomfortable choice. Our brains are biased toward keeping us safe (read: comfortable), so your brain will naturally point you in the direction of the comfortable. Only. Uncomfortable is where you learn stuff. You're not soaking up knowledge during the first minute of a run or the first five minutes of writing or during that whole weekend of sleeping in and watching TV. You're learning at the limits, hours into a challenging task or weeks into a project you're not sure will succeed. Uncomfortable means pushing your own limits about what entrepreneurship, community, fun, and learning can look like and feel like. How do we cross the divide between the online and offline worlds? How do we navigate a group of strangers who we would like to have as friends, despite the distances between us? Uncomfortable means ...
The season of the in-between
I do yoga with a pretty brilliant teacher via Facetime each week. As we ended the other day, she mentioned The Season of the In Between. She says she knows it when she sees it, and I'm in it. Maybe you are, too. Keep going or give up? Double down or get out while you can? Leave the relationship, the friendship, the deal, the offer, the current way of doing things? Keep trying or pursue a new path? It's not easy to sit in a place full of questions, to agree to the uncertainty that comes of waiting for an answer. Because sometimes, the answer is time. You need more information, you need the pain to pass, you need to sell 100 more of the thing before you can make a decision about pulling the plug. The season of the in between.  (Or worse: square zero!) It looks different for ...
My fondest wishes for you.
May you see glimpses of why you're in the world. May you follow those glimpses courageously through doubt and fear and dry spells and vulnerability and the sometimes overwhelming urge to give it all up and work that safe job you daydream about. May you bring those glimpses of purpose to light with the work only you can do -- the tough stuff, the vital stuff, the awkward stuff, the miraculous stuff you were born to bring to this planet in your distinctive way. May you know your work matters even when you're busy avoiding it like the plague, and on those days when you have to wrestle it to the ground like a bear on a bender just to begin, and during those stretches when you're sure you aren't making a damn bit of difference to anyone. May you encounter peace when you've been wrung dry, variety when you're ...
The 11th Commandment.
I'm a total introvert. People don't believe this because I can get on stage and speak with what appears to be no fear or debilitating shyness. I'm comfortable teaching, being the center of attention, and leading groups large and small. (Like the Steer Your Ship peeps in Costa Rica circa 2014.) But truly: I'm an introvert. Post Brand Camp the camp, in which I was literally not even alone long enough to pee, I pulled back and hung out by myself for a few weeks. Because sometimes that's what it takes to balance out all that amazingness and human interaction. Further: I'm a hermit. Yes, I enjoy traveling to exotic locales. But while there, I enjoy staying pretty close to "home." I walk from the house to the beach and back. I go on an excursion and come back. I'm perfectly fine to let the beach dogs come to my ...
The now thing doesn't have to be the forever thing.
"People can always surprise you," my Mom quips when bad things happen. 9 times out of 10 she says this after watching the news, when there's been a bombing or shooting or murder or robbery or especially disaster-y disaster. Perhaps she's right, but I prefer to think about the good ways people have surprised you. Consider the friend who showed up with donuts and coffee when you were too tired to make breakfast. The friend who's been nominated twice for the Pulitzer Prize, but it's never come up in conversation. You read it in one of his bios online this morning. (Not to worry, I sent a text and asked for the story. I can't wait to hear…) The friend who sends you book recommendations once a week. They're always spot on and it isn't easy, being a book recommender-person. (I couldn't put this book down.) We never quite know ...
A 1-question guide to coming up with your next product or service.
Today I wanted to share a really freaking surprising thing I'm only just learning, years and years into owning my own business: the more I enjoy what I do, the more others pay for it. Your most valuable work in the world often feels so fun that you would do it for free. I don't mean this in a metaphorical way. I don't mean people pay in hugs or love notes. I mean they pay in dollars and cents. Recently, a few peeps I've enjoyed working with in the past asked me to be their business mentor. They wanted a custom quote for their particular situation. I thought of the most outrageously fun thing I could imagine doing with and for them, included a price tag that thrilled me, and sent off the e-mail. Within 24 hours, they had accepted the proposal. I want to point out that I literally ...
6 potentially devastating side effects of bringing your biggest dream to life (and why you should do it anyway).
So, it's already been three weeks since the live Brand Camp. I've been consumed in a deluge of emotions and things to take care of and SLEEP and MORE SLEEP. I've burrowed deep into my introverted little world after spending days offering more love and support and help and fire and passion than I knew I had in me. But this post isn't about me, it's about all of us. And the potentially devastating side effects of bringing our biggest dreams to life. Whether that's holding a big event, launching a new business venture, completing your latest project, having a baby, running a marathon, moving to Brazil, or hitting that six-figure income mark -- the same side effects apply. 1.) You will be surprised. No matter what you were expecting, the world you inhabit after seeing your dream come to life is a bit different. Maybe it's better, maybe it's ...
Nab my ultimate newsletter template.
Ah, the newsletter. Bane of every small business owner's existence. Source of much strife and procrastination, many viewings of Game of Thrones, and infinite excuses for not sending today. You hem, you haw. You "don't want to say anything unless you have something to say," so nine months pass between communications. Or worse, you're bored by what you're saying but you send it out anyway. And no one responds. No one takes any action, so you write the newsletter off as useless. It doesn't have to be that big a deal to create and send a regular newsletter.  (I know it is in your mind, because ASSHOLE BRAIN, but it doesn't *have* to be a big deal.) Let's start with three simple elements you can use to make ANY newsletter/missive/communication better, okay? The Ultimate Newsletter Template involves engagement, value, and a call to action. Start with element #1: engagement. To ...
Dare to be unsexy with your dollars.
When it comes to money advice, there's a whole lot of help available in the "making more" department. As a business coach and an entrepreneur myself, I know the pull of "more." Ask any business owner to start defining goals, and just one word answers every question. How many clients would you like? More. How much money would you like to earn? More. How many products do you want to sell? More. "More" is the convenient answer to any question we'd rather not take time to think about. It always suffices, it's always praised by others, and it's easy to pop into our go-go-go-go-go day planning. "More" is so damn sexy that it's the name of a magazine with a circulation of over 1.3 million people. It's the call of our society, of our businesses, of our everyday lives: more. Only more takes time. More takes effort. More takes energy ...
It's time to do cartwheels in your underwear (and other business dares)
Your best moments will feel like doing cartwheels in your underwear. Free, light, a tad scandalous and entirely life-giving. Your best moments will feel like the rules don't apply. Like you're flying. You're unstoppable. You're entirely alive. The challenge for entrepreneurs lies in making more best moments through your business. Not in merely making money to fuel faraway vacations, but in making your ordinary reality feel like a faraway vacation. That rich, that deep, that light. That life-giving. Not in using time away from your business to fuel the relationships that "matter," but in making relationships that matter within and through and around and because of your business. Not in drawing a firm line between work and play, but in blending the two to create something new that no one has ever seen before. Your challenge lies in making more best moments through your business. In choosing to override the ...
Dear moms! (An open letter from a non-mom.)
Thank you. Thank you for doing the hard and tired and thankless work of raising the next generation. Thank you for competing with iPods and iPhones and iEverythings to make sure your kids know how to look people in the eye and possibly even know how to sing some of those power ballads we grew up with. Thank you for doing the brutal, exhausting chores that swamp your everyday in the name of caring for tiny humans. Thank you for enjoying them. For taking the time to share them with the rest of us, we non-human-makers, because not having kids doesn't mean not loving kids; and not having kids doesn't mean we aren't interested in the stunning work of raising a human that you're doing today. Despite all the pressures and glances and mommy teams that confuse the shit out of us because we are not privy to them, and ...
How to handle overwhelm
Unless you're a robot of some kind, there will come a time when you feel like you're behind on everything.  Absolutely freaking EVERYTHING.  Even your favorite TV show and your best friend's gossip. You will feel like you can never, ever possibly catch up, and you will consider throwing in the towel on your entire operation. You will forget your commitment to yourself to make this work, your commitment to your soul to let this work into the world, and your commitment to your clients to deliver what you promised. You will, quite simply, be washed in waves of overwhelm.  And your brain will tell you there's no way out.  You're hosed.  Doomed.  Screwed.  Fucked.  Except you're not. It's Overwhelm's job to make you think you can't possibly get it together.  But you can. You've got to keep aware of just two things: your energy levels and your overwhelm levels ...
Business is a spiritual practice.  (Lemme explain.)
Business is a spiritual practice. There, I said it. Business is a spiritual practice, requiring as much devotion, faith, hope, love & doubt as my belief in God. (Sometimes more.) Even though my first memory of being moved by the divine happened at age eight. I wept in front of the Eucharist, deeply and self-consciously, in the third pew of a quiet Catholic church. Even though I've responded to altar calls throughout my teens, being saved and saved and SAVED. Even though I've read plenty of books about Judaism and Buddhism. Even though I've rejected religion wholesale for over a decade, only to be broken open all over again at 32. Even though I've found my inner guides, my spirit animals, and my psychic abilities, too. Even though I'm seeking and seeking and growing and shaping my spiritual beliefs into little sculptures of light that keep me going every day ...
How to break boxes and set yourself free.
Sometimes we're sailing along smoothly in life and then we hit what feels like a wall. An impenetrable wall that we can't see around or through or under. We've come to the corners of our own boxes -- the boxes we've made that no longer fit, or work -- and it hurts. It hurts to feel the confines you've created close around you. It hurts to know the boundaries you've created no longer serve you. Hell, it even hurts to watch. The clients no longer fit. The business feels off. The dreams have gone stale. The relationship took its dying breath a few miles back. In these moments, pressed against those walls and desperate, the only thing that can possibly help is the hard work of breaking our own boxes. The hard, hard work of shattering the ways we've come to shape the world that no longer work. We've all ...
10 ways to make space for what really matters
We're all asked to do things we don't want to do, go places we don't want to go, and take part in projects we don't have any interest in on a regular (read: daily) basis.  If we cave and say "Yes" to these so-called opportunities, we end up taking time away from the work we're doing that we enjoy, and from the family and friends who are waiting for us to get our heads out of our laptops and pay attention to them. Here are 10 simple, painless ways to make space for what really matters in your life. Provide an alternative. Say "No, but _____ could help you out" and refer away. Point people to a website, an article, a colleague, a friend, a resource, or a kitten video whenever necessary. Have a weekend and/or unplugged e-mail auto-responder. This creates a gentle boundary and lets peeps know they won't ...
Find $1,000 in your inbox.
Sometimes our brains are really awesome, like when they remind us to take the cookies out of the oven. And sometimes they're really terrible assholes, like when they tell us we don't have "enough" money. No matter how much money we actually have, and regardless of whether we managed to keep ourselves fed, clothed, sheltered, and internet-ed in the past month. Here's a really fun, quick way to make money when your brain says you don't have enough. I call it the "$1,000 in your inbox game," and it's not scammy, scummy, sleazy, or slimy. Watch and learn. For a more detailed talk of sales follow-up -- which is what this game involves -- head on over and read this article. Now, go send that first e-mail. It's the hardest one! You can absolutely send ten e-mails just like that first one today, and I bet you'll be THRILLED with ...
How to defy convention and create community.
When I see an online article -- ANY online article -- with something like 738 comments, I get a little anxious. Okay, a lot anxious.  (And I don't read a single one.) Also: I can't bring myself to read any YouTube comments, EVER, for any reason.  Holy hell the things people say!!!  They're so MEAN! (I go a little bit righteous 2-year-old when I read 'em, lol...) Additionally: when I see a few thousand people in an online group, I'm not tempted to participate.  Massive numbers make me want to break out in hives. I propose a new way of doing community for business. First community change: forget obligation. So you're off having adventures and didn't check your e-mail today? Or yesterday? AWESOME. No need to feel guilty for not being 100% connected at all times.  No need to know every person in the group.  No need to remember everyone's ...
Short scripts to sell more of just about anything
Since you're in business, you're inevitably going to find three types of people as you go about your days. Those who buy your product, those who have no interest in your product, and those who are on the fence about what you offer. People who are "thinking about it." It's the last group we're going to address together today, 'cause they're the most likely to trip you up. First, we both know they're not thinking about it. They're not sitting at home hemming and hawing about buying your stuff. They're merely throwing up a blocker excuse to hide the REAL reason they haven't purchased just yet. It's your job to stop "thinking about it" dead in its tracks. Here are some options for what your potential customers are REALLY thinking. 10 things people mean when they say "I'm thinking about it:" I'm embarrassed that I even want this. Buying this ...
Beyond the Breakers
The waves are pounding over us as we swim like crazy.  It feels like we're making absolutely no progress, but our arms are flailing as hard and fast as we can get them to go.  I've got water up my nose, dripping from every part of my body, and leaking onto my lips.  It's salty and I'm scared.  But you can't stop or it's all over.  I focus on her surfboard, ten feet in front of mine, and keep paddling like a maniac. When we get beyond the breakers but the waves are still pushing at us, she yells, "Is this what being in business is like?" And I yell, "Yup!"   And we both keep paddling. In surfing, your first job is to get beyond the breakers.  You stop paddling, the waves consume you.  You pause to look at the size of a wave, and the loss of momentum rips ...
Why the "next level" for your business doesn't exist.
A couple weeks ago, I opened up an e-mail and was immediately reading about "taking my business to the next level." And then, in an online video from a guy I usually love, I was pitched about "taking my business to the next level." And for a retreat I really wanted to attend but ultimately decided against -- guess the reason?  You got it: I could "take my writing to the next level" if I attended. Here's the thing: there is no fucking 'next level.' Saying 'next level' implies that I'm conscious of where the last level ended and the next one began. It implies that I could see it coming -- oh, clearly, making ten grand in a week gets me a power-up and one step closer to saving the princess -- when nothing could be further from the truth. This idea of 'next levels' out there in business ...
5 ways to stop avoiding money so much
As a business owner, you have to deal with money every day in some way or another. But that doesn't mean you and money are friendly, or even that you and money pay much attention to one another when it isn't work related. Um. I get it. In the category of "Things I hide from the rest of the world for $200," Alex, I'll take: I grew up in a trailer. Which, not surprisingly, means I grew up in a constant state of "not enough" around money. I hated the thrift stores where we had to shop. I hated that I couldn't buy the newest jeans or the latest trends and that our books came from the library instead of the bookstore. I resented my used bed linens, my used furniture, and the used magazines Mom picked up for a dime at the Salvation Army. (Seventeen magazine from three months ...
The struggle part of the story is essential.
When I was a part of a mastermind group a few years ago, the most interesting parts of the experience started with the words "I don't want you to know that..." When the women in the group were hiding bits or pieces, saying everything was "fine," or being relentlessly cheery about their not-so-cheery bits, they were invited to complete that sentence.  Ooooooof. That sentence opens up a whole can of crazy shit.  People immediately tell the big scary truth and freak out and almost instantaneously start to cry.  Hard.  It's more like a sob-hurl that nearly leads to actual hurling.  So, peeps? I don't want you to know that... Read the biographies of any entrepreneurs these days -- whether in book form or just on their current websites -- and you'll see a common thread play out. There's a struggle that the person overcomes: losing 100 pounds, losing love, finding ...
Why playing psychic equals booming business
This is one of the most powerful exercises I have to share in doing business.  It draws the right people to you, helps your ideal peeps feel more at home, and pushes away those individuals who aren't a good fit without any hard feelings.  It's also free and fast, so holy crap you should keep reading. 😉 "Playing psychic"  means you're going to make a series of statements that feel specific but that are actually quite broad, just like psychics do when they're giving a reading. For example (imagine my eyes rolling back in my head while I gaze into a crystal ball): you have a father and you own a pair of pants. You hate trying on bathing suits and love ice cream. See? Easy. You could be like, "Holy crap! HOW DID YOU KNOW!!!??" or you could see what I'm doing: playing psychic. Here's why telling your people ...
9 ways to sell without being salesy
As a person whose love language is gift-giving, and who's done gift hoarding buying this year, I've been taking careful notes of how to sell well and how to sell poorly: how to make the "ick" factor go off like a 5-alarm fire and how to keep the "ick" factor nice and low while amping up the warm fuzzies like a toasty fireplace crackling on a winter's night. When I'm actually tempted to buy something I 100% don't need, someone somewhere has mastered the art of selling without being salesy.  It's a subtle practice, but one you can master with a careful eye and a bit of practice. Here are my top 9 ways to sell without being salesy: Make an honest recommendation to a potential client about what they should buy -- even if it's not something you offer. Add 5 images of a product to its current description ...
What to do when you have no clients
You're freaking out about your lack of clients. All your friends are all, "I'm all booked up for the year!" And then they give you that little victory smile that means they're really proud of themselves, and you try to be proud of them, too. Only you are flipping about about how you can't afford to freaking pay the rent, let alone pick up a Hug Me Elmo before Christmas rolls around. Having no clients forces you to make personal connections. If you want business starting today, another Facebook blast or blog post isn't going to cut it. You're going to have to get personal, and you're going to learn a ton about selling in the process. First, gather a list of the contact information of all your past clients. And I mean ALL. Rummage through your e-mails, your order forms, your service notes -- whatever you have -- to ...
This two-minute activity doubles your yearly vacation time.
Have you ever had a friend say, "I have to go to work tomorrow" on Sunday night and thought, "Not me!" because you've planned to take the day off? Then you already know the happy little jig your business-owning-heart does when your time is your own. Being time-wealthy (YUP that's a crappy term but you the idea) means you feel your time is your own. You can think straight, you can work out, you can watch TV, you can whatever you damn well please with your time. The more frequently you can do that, the more time-wealthy you are -- and the more likely your friends are to be a little jealous. Time and energy are what make the enjoyment of actual dollars possible, as any entrepreneur who's had just a tad of extra money but no time to enjoy it knows well. Here's how to get yourself more time ...
How to find the money for what you really want.
You're watching events, classes, and shiny new offerings roll out, and you're excited about each one. You're also…jealous. Because you can't afford them and you could never take the time off to attend, so you just can't get your hands on what you really want. Except… When you say "I can't afford that," it's absolutely true. Whether you have the money required to pay for an item or not doesn't matter, because you've already stopped yourself from buying. The same principle applies to items that cost $30 or $3,000 -- if you say you can't afford it, you've shut down the possibility of getting it. If, however, you prioritize what it is you want -- less caffeine-deprived Starbucks stops and a little more planning ahead; canceling subscriptions you never use; rallying your airline miles and rewards programs around a single goal -- you'll be surprised at what you can afford ...
Are you trying to run a business while you have depression? If you're a business owner with depression, click through for loving, compassionate business advice you won't find elsewhere.
Next week, a film crew is coming to start working on my next project, which focuses a great deal on bringing fun and light-heartedness into your business. The videos will be easy, breezy dares to enjoy yourself more right where you are, without spending any more money or time on your business tasks than usual. Before those are revealed, I'd like to come clean: I've been battling clinical depression since 2001. If you're new here, please join the Fuck Yah club so we don't lose each other.  I'll send you a weekly e-mail full of cool shit and inspiring AF writing which includes an obscene number of GIFs. Following a semester abroad, I returned home in love but unwanted, disillusioned and exhausted to boot. The following semester, I spent hours curled up under my desk curled into a ball. Sometimes crying, sometimes so wracked with pain that tears were beyond ...
What to do when success equals panic
If you're human, sometimes your own success scares the crap out of you.  That's normal, and it's something you can choose to face head on with a little help from today's article. Viewer question: I'm a photographer in the Louisville KY/Southern IN area (Hi y'all types) and I work my ass off.  So today I received an email notice from my online gallery storefront saying a new picture order was just received.  Yay.  I look at the order, scroll to the bottom at the total and its for OVER $1,000.  My heart sank.  I got sweaty and tight chested.  My reaction to this (what should be) wonderful order was TERROR and GUILT!  WTF!?!?!  I felt so unworthy for such a large sale...but in the back of my head I KNOW I'M WORTH IT!!!!!  What's wrong with me?!?!  When will I ever feel worthy??!?! First, I hear you, and I've been ...
Simplicity is a form of power.
Simplicity is a form of power. Yes, you could be selling 3 or 30 or 300 more products than you've currently got on the market. Yes, you could be adding services to your current line-up right this second. Your blog could have 83 more plugins and 72 more ways to entice people to look at you. Your outfits, your images, your products could always have more layers.  More stuff piled onto them. Simplicity is a form of power. The curation of 30 images from a lifetime's work at a museum exhibit. A single necklace paired with the perfect summer dress. One offer. One. Simplicity is a form of power. You don't have to have Pinterest boards dedicated to those DiY projects you feel guilty about collecting but not making. You don't have to participate in any forms of social media that don't feel fun. You don't have to convince people ...
Make your newsletter 300-ish% more effective.
The way I see it, newsletters as we know 'em are done for. Why? Nobody wants updates about your company, or my company, or her company, or his company. We want to hear and see your stories. What do I mean? Lemme give you an update and a story from Kenya. Update: Peter is a 4-year-old who came to the orphanage in February. He enjoys pushing tires around, playing with cars, and eating peanut butter bananas. I love him. Updates speak in generalities and don't provide the compelling why for any given situation. So you made new purses to sell? Tell us why you made them, who they're for, and what you hope will come of buying them for your customers instead of telling us about their dimensions and how much they cost -- those details are necessary, yes, but not compelling. Updates also tend to be brief, as we ...
What Peter Pan can teach you about selling more stuff
I just returned from Kenya, which you know means I've been showering, using electricity, and enjoying television like a champ in the past few days!  While catching up on my TV loves, I saw this advertisement: "Now releasing from the Disney vault, for the first time on Blu-Ray and DVD…Peter Pan!" Dude. That's some amazing marketing taking place. Disney is finding a way to make a movie that came out in nineteen fifty-freaking-three "new," then giving attention to it as if we haven't all seen Peter Pan and believed we could fly and watched the epic Captain Hook battle scene already. It's extraordinary! You've seen this same thing happen when fashion designers find a way to make the Eighties popular AGAIN (Holy Shizballs Almighty, do we need one more pair of sherbet-colored jeans in the world!?); when pop singers offer "Best Of" CDs full of previous hits; when McDonald's finds ...
30 seconds to a kick-ass marketing campaign
No matter your business, I'll bet you've been forced to promote your fair share of holiday stuff. Whether it's to celebrate New Years, Independence Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Halloween -- we humans love to buy stuff for holidays, so it makes good sense to promote stuff around those times. Only. Only you can't freaking stand promoting stuff around the holidays. You'd rather cut off your right arm than promote Santa photos or Christmas-scented candles or Thanksgiving-themed paper products, which leaves you miserable when it comes to marketing. Buckle up, 'cause you're in for a dollop of awesomeness. Take a look at your marketing calendar. (If you don't have one, refer to this post and then come back, quick!) Choose a single gap in your calendar that you'd like to fill with a Kick Ass Campaign, then decide which product or service you'll be promoting for the length of your campaign ...
Adventures in single-tasking (and other sanity shortcuts)
It's just after 8 on a Sunday morning. I've stumbled into the kitchen, groggy-eyed, and been given a freshly-made cup of tea. I accept the chai and immediately ask, "What can I do? How can I help?" Auntie Rebecca looks at me knowingly. She eyes my very-American self and says, "There is an African saying: you cannot blow mucus and laugh at the same time. Sit, relax, enjoy. Then we will worry about work." Okay then! Mucus-blowing aside, Kenyans are master single-taskers. I've found them to be mindful at a level that we have long since left behind in the States. When they drink chai, they drink chai. When they sit by the fire, wash clothes, chop vegetables, talk with one another...they are simply sitting by the fire, washing clothes, chopping vegetables, or talking with one another. No matter the task, they are doing only that one task. While this ...
When should you give a product the ax?
Your business is constantly evolving. You're trying out new vendors and streamlining your processes. You're working with new clients and maintaining relationships with former ones, too. You're adding new products and services to your line-up all the time. But. How the flibbity jibbeting frying pans do you know when it's time to retire a "perfectly good" product? Here are five easily-spotted signs it's time to give a product or service the ax. Kill-that-product sign #1: dread. If you feel like hurling yourself off a cliff every time you sell a certain something, it's time to give up the ghost. Retire that product or service without ceremony and move on to greener pastures. What's that? It's "good money" you get for doing that thing you hate? Right. So, tell me about the that time you went to get a massage and the person giving rubbing you down was just not into ...
You're right, marketing sucks.
You avoid marketing like the plague. You've hired out some parts of your business, found ways to make other parts easier, and you have those parts of your business you deeply love. But marketing? Pleh. You spit it out like that time you drank rancid half and half in your coffee. When you finally manage to make time for marketing, it's a marathon. You're either out of cash or out of ways to procrastinate, and you need this to work, so it's go time. Like, there's $.73 in the bank go time. You're right, marketing this way sucks. It's an exhausting marathon that sucks big hairy balls. What if you came up with a different way to tackle the marketing marathon? Let's say you're training for a marathon, and you need to run 14 miles a week. You can run 2 miles a day, or…you know, forget about it and ...
When you give an alpaca an ice cream cone: a story for grown-ups
When you give an alpaca an ice cream cone, you're breaking the rules. When you find you enjoy breaking the posted rules, you go on to feed a llama a lemon drop. And when that llama eats the lemon drop, you find he can talk. That lemon-drop eating llama tells you he loves you, but thinks you need to break more rules. So you feed another llama another lemon drop. You tell this llama you ARE breaking the rules. THAT lemon-drop eating llama tells you that blog posting once every eight weeks is not breaking the rules. It's procrastinating. He also suggests breaking your own rules, not someone else's. He says you should talk to the goat next door. When you give a goat a lemon drop, he spits it out and waves his tail at you. Same goes for ice cream cones. And candies. And chocolates. When you break ...
What to do when your family thinks you're insane
Thank GOD my name finally appeared on a book cover in 2012, or my Mom would still think I do some sort of secret side hustle selling drugs. I've explained ghostwriting and e-book revenue, but her response was simple: "Why would anyone pay for a download?" She's stuck in 1995, when the internet was full of chat rooms and AOL Instant Messaging conversations, so she's confused by what I do. She's even more confused by orphan hugging. I appear to have healthy ovaries -- no one has told her otherwise -- and I've been in a relationship for years, SO WHY NOT JUST GET PREGNANT!? IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE ME A GRANDBABY, KRISTEN!? This predicament is common enough when you're trying out something new in your business or personal life. Whether you're aiming to study penguins, remodel your house, travel the world, fight disease, spread awareness, educate the ...
3 tricks for a calmer mind and less-stressed you
As a human, your mind has scripts that play over and over.  The scripts say you're dumb, you're fat, you're useless, you're not worth it, you're not worthy, your life is shit, etc...they never lead to the conclusion that you are brilliant and beautiful.  I call these scripts asshole brain, which I talk about here and here and here! Today, let's take a look at these scripts -- we all have them -- and let's work on defeating them. My script is pretty epic -- "This isn't working," "Nothing's working," "What's the point anyway," "Nothing has a point," "Life is pretty much meaningless," "There's no reason to live anyway." Yah.  So my life goes from "my internet connection isn't working" to life not being worth living in just a few seconds.  It's just a habit -- a pattern my mind slips into. Because it's just a pattern, it's worth noticing ...
Work from home: are you suffering from "never done" syndrome?
I was talking to one of my business-owning peeps the other day, when she mentioned that she feels like her business work is never done. That's because it isn't. Just like laundry, just like working out, just like eating meals each day…just like life… There's always more work to do, more meals to create, and more stuff to take care of -- but that doesn't mean you spend every waking moment trying to "get done." If you feel overwhelmed by your business, like the work is never done, it's time to start scheduling your days. (I mean really scheduling, not putting vague things in your calendar and then ignoring them.) Scheduling and prioritizing go hand in hand. If I woke up every morning and had to start from scratch -- figuring out what my biggest priority for the day would be -- I would waste an hour making lists each ...
5 reasons your last promotion fell flat.
A while ago you figured out how to create a promotion for your business and mastered the way to hold a sale without breaking your brand, so you hit the ground running. You created a few promotions and pimped the shit out of them. But they fell flat. They didn't get the response you wanted. They didn't fill your calendar and put a few grand in your pocket. What went wrong? You don't suck, your work isn't terrible, and your people DO care about you.  It's probably just the way you're promoting, which is easy enough to fix! Here are five reasons your last promotion might have fallen flat. PROMO KILLER #1: Too much time. Give people two weeks to decide and they'll need three. The more time you give clients to make a decision, the less likely they are to actually make it. This is why short windows for ...
How to sell more of absolutely anything.
I had a dream the other night in which you all were watching me write a sales page over my shoulder. I figured it's time I tell you how to sell more of absolutely anything. (And if you don't like this article, just pretend it's a bad dream.) To start selling more, take a look at the website or blog pages where you have products available right now.  Photographers -- I'm looking at you! Your sales pages tend to suck nuts because you treat them as something vague like "info" and you don't talk about the products that will be coming out of the experience.  (Products are tangible.  People like tangible.  The end.) When you write about your products or your services, you are creating a sales page. There is a right and a wrong way to write a sales page, and these tips will point you in the direction ...
5 money mindsets that keep you from making bank.
As an entrepreneur, you're faced with money on a daily basis. You have to earn it, spend it, move it, use it, collect it, and otherwise manipulate it every single day. There's just no getting away from money. That means there's also no getting away from your attitudes about money. While some money mindsets serve you well, there are others that could be sabotaging your business. Let's tackle five common saboteurs that I see in play often -- and let's talk about the one I struggle with most. No money mindset #1: "Someday...when I win the lottery..." In a recent survey of my peeps, lots of 'em joked about this. They said the only thing stopping them from pursuing a world-changing project was winning the lottery. It was said in jest, I know. But that mentality allows you to play the victim. It's as if you're not responsible for what ...
Your next product is here.
Imagine you're a fat kid stuck in a donut shop. Alone. What do you do? I'll bet you grab a maple bacon turnover and go to town. You double-fist the Cap'n Crunch donuts and drink coffee straight from the spout. You're curious about donut making so you inspect all the equipment while you're on a sugar high. You freak about how much you LOVE donuts and how you wish you could be stuck in a donut shop all the time, all the time, all the tiiiiiiiiime (okay, the sugar rush has gotten to you). How do you feel about being stuck in your business? I mean that literally. Let's say someone sneaks up and closes the door on you. You've got to spend time with your business and you've got to come face to face with everything that's happening in it, good or bad. No social media to distract you ...
Strength summoner. (Best enjoyed when tired or discouraged.)
You can be a little crazy. You can do the thing they say you cannot do. You can make the project happen no matter what. You can stay awake for one more minute, one more hour, one more task. You can keep moving when you're out of strength. You can make the most of your efforts. You can fail.  Lots.  It's inevitable. You can brush yourself off. You can keep going. You can bring your gifts to this planet. You can.  Plain and simple. You can. P.S. More poems here ...
The scariest place you can take your biz (and how to avoid it)
I spend a great deal of time with entrepreneurs. Some have baby businesses that have just started. Some have earned millions. And heck, some are on Shark Tank. There's one line of thinking that every successful entrepreneur refuses to follow down the rabbit hole: the “should” thoughts. I call the place where those thoughts reside...Shouldville. Shouldville is a place where you get stuck thinking, “Oh, this isn’t professional"  Or "This is too much."  Or "This should be more general" or "This should be more specific."  "This shouldn't be done the way I'm doing it." "This shouldn't be happening."  "I should be further along by now." You're sidelined from your real work – whatever your real work happens to be – by the thoughts telling you you're not good enough, brave enough, creative enough, or smart enough. Forget about the shoulds. Forget about what “should” be happening in business based on ...
3 simple steps to less writing angst
While I absolutely love writing, I realize that many of you find it stressful and avoid putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) like the plague. Today, let's get rid of that writing angst and make your experience of writing for your business – whether headlines, newsletters, e-mails, blog posts, or website copy – less painful and more productive. 1. Figure out your genius time. Everybody has a time in which they work optimally, and it will be harder than it has to be to get work done if you are aren't taking advantage of your genius time.  For me, between 8 am and about Noon is my genius time. For those four hours, I can just bang stuff out and it’s easy. The minute my genius time passes, there's a shift in my body. I can’t explain it clearly, but after Noon I enter into this crazy world ...
business progress
I've been watching too much Ace of Cakes, obviously.  Last night I decided that building a gingerbread house can't be *that* difficult and went to work with royal icing and a slightly-deformed icing bag.  Um.  The coffee table is covered in a thin layer of icing.  The front Christmas tree is leaning to the right. For God's sake, the snowman has a unibrow. This is also, I have to remind myself, a first attempt.  I've never piped icing from a bag or assembled a house made of gingerbread.  The fact that it's still standing is a testament to my progress in the happenin' world of gingerbread houses. The same principle applies to business.  If this is your first business, and particularly your first few years in business, you're a work in progress.  It's easy to say you've effed up your application of royal icing or your snowman is leaning precariously ...
Zero to e-mail list in 15 minutes
Let's imagine that you have a somewhat rustic yet totally modern, lived-in studio space full of your goods in a pedestrian-only part of town. Your store is always full of people stopping by to browse your goodies -- and to buy them, too!  As people browse, they pick up the flyers, postcards, and other promotional items you've placed throughout the store.  They take them even if they don't buy anything, just for future reference. Of course, you also slip a postcard or two into the bag of each person that purchases an item in your store. Unfortunately, with an online presence, you don't have all the benefits of a brick and mortar store at your disposal. No customers wandering in from down the street, no daily face time with potential clients, and certainly no chance of slipping a postcard into their bags to save for later.  That's where your e-mail ...
Make your business an ATM.  (Really.)
Everyone has been to an ATM. We all know how it works: you walk or drive up, you give it your information. You don't just tell the machine you want "some" money, you tell the ATM exactly what to give you. That same precise request-making is what allows your business to give you what you want. The clearer your goals, the greater your chances of achieving them. Before we get to your personal goals, let's see how much cash it takes to keep you in business. Root around in your banking statements from the last three months to find every expense that doesn't go away from month to month: monthly services and subscriptions, paying your virtual assistant, business insurance, liability insurance, accounting, rent, supply costs, and anything related to keeping your online presence running. Divide three months' total by three to determine your average cost, and voila! You now know ...
When all roads lead to loveless and penniless.
I pop into New York City via train every few months, and I connect to Amtrak via 30th Street Station. There's a point on the train to 30th Street when everyone else gets off. All the commuters get off at Suburban Station, and I find myself sitting alone in a train car. Even though I know this mass evacuation happens every time, I still panic. Maybe the train made a wrong turn since Suburban! (Um. It's a train. On a fixed track.) Maybe I missed 30th Street! (30th Street is the end of the line.) Maybe I'm just not meant to get to New York today. (Clearly. Because being on the right train is the first sign that you're not meant for something.) Maybe everyone else knows something I don't! (That must be it. They've all got a secret radiowave chip giving them alerts. Why didn't I get one?) No ...
Sell more services right this instant.
If your (virtual) cash register isn't ringing, here are some ideas for conjuring up cash faster than you can say, "On Donner! On Blitzen!" (or make other holiday-appropriate character exclamations). Here are 7 ways to sell more services this season: Send a kind e-mail to each and every one of your past clients asking for a referral by X date, and reward them for their efforts if they deliver by getting you clients in time. A gift card, a copy of your favorite book, a pound of your favorite tea, a pair of movie tickets. These incentives don't cost much, but they're valuable to your client. For the photographers among you, a free holiday mini-session as referral incentive means these lovely people will have images they want to purchase in time for the holidays -- just resist the desire to give anything but the session itself on the house. Display ...
Step-by-step guide to paying for any workshop
There are always new workshops, seminars, events, and conferences coming down the pike.  While they're all tempting, here's a quick way to get to the ones you simply cannot miss. In this step-by-step guide, I'll show you how to pay for any workshop and share what I've spent my educational cash on this year.  (What I reveal just might surprise you.) 1. Take a hard look at the numbers. Refuse to say the word "can't." Before you decide whether you can afford to attend the workshop, figure out exactly how much it's going to cost to attend: registration fees, transportation, food, accommodation, and the event itself. Come up with a single number that represents how much you'll need to attend the event. Then see if it can happen by examining three things: the cash you currently have, the cash you expect to come in based on last year's income during ...
15 minutes to a killer marketing calendar.
I'm here to help you ditch hustle fatigue and start engaging in simple, profitable hustling for your business. Hustling, which is a fucking terrible term that will steal your soul but I use here for ease of understanding, ultimately boils down to broadening your reach. When more people know about your business, basic probability dictates that more people are likely to give you dollars. To broaden your reach in the most effective way possible, let's make a marketing calendar. That means you grab a sheet of paper and draw a grid containing all twelve upcoming months on it. You can use any sort of paper, so don't let that be the reason you don't do this activity! Twelve squares of toilet paper will do the trick if you've got nothing else. First, fill in holidays. Time off, vacations, those random days your kids have off for teacher training, and that ...
How to work from home without losing your mind
It’s not easy to work from home, but everyone thinks it is! Your friends with day jobs and office jobs think you spend your time lounging in pajamas and watching Bravo TV marathons. Your parents are afraid you’re dealing drugs because you make money without leaving the house. (Okay, maybe that's just mine. The day my Mom held my hardcover book in her hands was a major affirmation that I'm not dealing crack on the corner.) All your loved ones are slightly jealous, truth be told. And yet, working from home is not always a walk in the park. These tips will help keep your work space and your home life divided, whether you’re wearing pj’s or not. Designate a work space. Make sure you can close the door/zipper/curtain on it when necessary. Since I’m an author and a business whisperer, it’s fairly easy for me to keep all my ...
What no one tells you about owning a business
There is not a single minute when you ARRIVE at your perfect business. A business is a growing, changing creature, and you're responsible for making it serve you best. You are not beholden to anyone but yourself to make it yours, to make it successful, and to make it a joy to experience. At a recent speaking gig, I ended a speech by encouraging everyone present to plunge into life fully clothed, right now, without hesitation and without coming up with 33 excuses why now is not the time. Being in that pool, hugging people as they introduced themselves, awash in their love and their thanks and their giddy joy, was one of the greatest moments of my life. Being in business is a lot like choosing to plunge into a pool, fully clothed, again and again. You think you've got the perfect bikini, and you remembered your sunscreen, and ...
3 simple steps to your first business retreat -- and why you need one.
A business retreat. Yah, I know, you barely have time to get everything in your days accomplished now. The idea of a retreat makes you scoff and throw up your hands in despair, and cues much gnashing of teeth for all the time you do not have. (It gets crazy up in there, with the wailing and the FMLing.) I know. But. For the length of this article, let's pretend that a business retreat is possible for you and your helpers, if you have any. Let's imagine you have the time and the funds and the day or two or four necessary to enter into deep planning and strategizing on behalf of your business for the coming year, okay? Okay. First, decide whether or not a business retreat is a valuable tool for your psyche and your income. It's easy to spend so much time working in our businesses that ...
4 Red flags that drive peeps away from your biz -- and how to fix 'em
It's Wednesday morning, 10:06 a.m. My friend and I are lost on the way to our first trapeze lesson. The address we're aiming for has suddenly shifted, as I've entered the wrong one into the magical mappy app on my iPhone. We walk a block back to where we've parked the car, now quite late and reprogram our destination. We miss the destination twice. That can't be it, right? Let's circle around and check again, see if we aren't doing something wrong. Nope. That's it. "That place looks like it didn't have air conditioning," he says. "That place looks like it didn't have FLOORS," I retort. We hightailed it out of there and didn't look back, stunned that anyone had ever actually completed a trapeze lesson with this company.  The company's website is well-organized and lovely.  There was no indication that we would be directed to a death trap for ...
Double your newsletter open rate with a single tweak.
When was the last time you opened a company's e-mail because of the word 'newsletter' in the e-mail subject line? ::crickets:: That's what I thought. To get your clients to open a newsletter from your business, it's your job to be interesting. Luckily, doubling your newsletter open rate is simple: write e-mail subject lines you would personally click on. Don't have a newsletter or e-mail list?  Click here to get started. 'The Nancy Smith Summer Newsletter' subject line about beach portraits becomes 'I'm going to the beach! Join me?' The 'Aspire Consulting Newsletter' from the local accounting firm becomes 'Aspire to a beach vacation? We'll help you get there.' (Bonus points for puns using your business name!) Subject lines people click on are typically personal, curiosity-inducing, and friendly. Personal, meaning they don't sound like a corporate entity addressing a boardroom. 'Hello, valued customer' screams corporate entity. 'Hey there, lovely' screams ...
Intuition 101: your best guidance is in your gut.
Deep within you is a voice whispering about what it is you really want to be doing in the world.  It could be talking about a tweak to your business; it could be urging an overhaul; it could be pushing you to walk away and start something new. You don't have to trust that voice. You don't have to even acknowledge it.  The voice of intuition can seem crazy; it can seem odd; it can make you laugh and it can seem completely absurd -- but, because you bothered to click over here, play along with me and consider that the voice might be worth listening to. When I work with clients one on one, I'm always trusting that voice. The things that come out of my mouth can seem absurd, even to me! Recently, I challenged a brilliant photographer to have a show. A full-on, hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, ...
Why procrastination means money in your bank account.
Recently, I launched a major program that took months and months of prep to bring into the world. The introductory pricing offer was open for 8 days.  I assumed that, since I had done lots of work getting peeps using the sample, downloading goodness, putting the freebies into action, and stoked to purchase, they'd hop on that Add to Cart button like a hungry sumo wrestler in a sushi restaurant.  I was w-r-o-n-g. Only 14% of total sales happened in the first 24 hours.  I was devastated and mopey and thought that my hard work was useless.  That the launch was a flop.  That I had made serious errors by believing in myself, my product, and my business, and my abilities. And then. Time passed.  I even showered.  A surprising thing happened. Even though I had done a lot of work promoting, even though peeps wanted to buy, and even ...
The simplest goals you'll ever love.
Watch any Kindergarten class in the world, and you’ll see a complicated system of behaviors and rewards. Stickers, charts, check marks, high fives, reassuring words, candies, and privileges are in play at all times. Why do we give up rewards for good behavior as we grow older? Who says I shouldn’t be allowed to drive to the beach and build a sandcastle when I achieve a goal I’ve set for my business?  Um, me, apparently, because otherwise I could do it! This simple system creates goals you LOVE and helps you take time out of your busy schedule to celebrate your accomplishments. Not that you would ever view achieving goals as mere speed bumps on the way to other goals, thus ignoring having achieved 'em because you're already on to the next set...::ahem:: Into an empty fishbowl or other container, place ten activities that bring you joy.  Like, any ten ...
Choose love: a business manifesto.
Your business is a vehicle for imagining your best life. It's designed to help you get there. And if it's not fun or working for you or speaking to your heart, change it. Stop doing the bits that make you crazy. Hire 'em out. Move 'em along. Refer the job -- with love -- to someone else. Start taking care of the bits that need to be nourished. The people, the clients, the human beings behind that e-mail, that Tweet, that Facebook post, that phone. We are all human beings, looking for connection with other human beings. When your business reaches out and touches, on a human being to human being level, it will succeed. Start seeing more people in person. Through sales, if you'd like, but in general as well. Start measuring your business value in hugs per day, not in dollars, and you'll see where it's truly succeeding ...
My fear is just a bald guy from Jersey. Yours?
It's the day of the big launch and I'm scared shitless. As in, I can't even poop right now. I'm clenched from head to toe and worried and scared and telling you this because…? Pretending I'm not scared would be doing you a disservice. You would then tell yourself that fear is abnormal or weird, that fear is something that has to disappear before you proceed with your business plans and aspirations. You might wait for the fear to go away before you release your next product, promotion, or event into the world. And I'm telling you… Fear is par for the course. In the past 18 months, I've been fired from a really great gig. That was scary. I've closed my photography studio to pursue writing full time, 'cause writing is the love of my life. That was scarier. I bought my first bikini this weekend. That was absolutely ...
How to turn your toughest days around.
Ever have one of those days when you wake up exhausted? When you sort of have a sore throat/runny nose/icky stomach feeling and you know you could push it -- but if you just rest, you'll be fine tomorrow? Rest. Just this once. Instead of pushing through -- rest. Give yourself a break. Cancel your appointments with a smile and self love. Choose a quiet activity to tackle instead of pushing through your body's signals (again) . Make tea, hug the people you adore, and get comfy on the couch. Read a book. Watch a movie. Savor the simplicity of a lazy day. It's only by giving yourself permission to rest when you need it that you can do your most important work in the world. You know, the work you were made to do.  The images you were meant to create, the words you were meant to pen.  The ...
How to hold a killer sale without breaking your brand
A sale is a focused push to turn interested-in-your-business people into buying-from-your-business people. It comes down to a few basic principles, no matter what you're selling. Let's get cracking' on the two-step formula for holding a killer sale without breaking your brand, shall we? 1.) Make a single offer. Just like an effective blog post, a good sales message will include a single offer. "Ballerina flats are on sale!" "Beach portrait sessions are now available!" "Massages are buy one, get one half off!" Short, sweet, to the point. Details of the offer must be shared at some point, but the main idea should be so simple that a 3-year-old can understand what's on sale and how much it costs. Again: the main idea of your sale should be so simple that a 3-year-old can understand what's on sale and how much it costs. Of course, your sale is not limited ...
The easiest way to get previous clients selling for you.
Picture a creepy dude you can't quite make eye contact with because he's too shady for that directness. Mr. Hazy (the creepy dude at right) loves it when you're afraid to put evidence of your genius on your website. When you refuse to promote your products and services, just hoping people will buy because they've fallen in love...ooh, it makes him break into a dance of pure joy!  Because hiding your genius = fewer sales = Mr. Hazy's happiness. Let's get your previous clients doing some selling for you. We're going to find 3 examples of kind words past clients have used to describe your business, then get them onto your website. Letting others talk about your genius sends Mr. Hazy running for the hills. He can't handle seeing your skills laid out in all their specific, tangible glory. Whether you choose to call 'em Raves, Testimonials, or Kind Words, ...
The only pricing secret I remember with any regularity.
As I'm working with peeps one-on-one, I keep finding myself pointing out a simple truth that I'd love to share with all of you.  Ready? Your pricing is NOT forever. No matter which decision you make regarding pricing -- $15 or $45 for that necklace, $100 or $150 for that session fee, $49 or $349 for that digital product -- it's not locked in forever and ever. There are no internet gods trolling to make sure you keep your product and service prices exactly the same until the end of time. Prices can go up as the product evolves, as services are added, or as demand skyrockets.  Prices can go down in the form of sales, specials, or buying incentives. No matter which business you're currently in, it serves you well to remember that the pricing decisions you make right now are NOT permanent. I see peeps get caught up ...
2 minutes to figure out what you really want.
Today, a super-simple exercise for figuring out what you REALLY want. It's often hard to know what's really working for us and what is falling flatter than a chocolate chip pancake when we're in the trenches, but this exercise provides a little perspective. First, freeze your business in your mind. Think of your current clients, your current daily routine, and your current revenue. Get crystal clear about what, exactly, your business looks and feels like right this second. Next, imagine one year from now. A miracle has happened! Your business has QUADRUPLED! How does having four times more business feel? Overwhelming, I'm sure, but what feels incredibly good or incredibly bad about the growth of your business just as it is now? What products or services would you immediately eliminate if you knew your business was going to quadruple? What systems would you pay more attention to? (A better e-mail ...
How to get everyone you know to take your business seriously.
There's no magic number. Not $10,000 or $30,000 or $100,000. Your mother will not suddenly sing your praises because your business grosses X thousand dollars.  There's no secret bell that's going to ding; no whirligig that's going to be delivered from the universe when you decide to bring home a paycheck and make your "cute" little business into the real thing. Your business provides income when YOU decide it will. Which is, incidentally, the key to getting your loved ones on board with and believing in your business. Instead of hearing about your intentions and how you'll start bringing home income after the purchase of that workshop or that piece of gear, they'll get to hear about the dollars you brought home last week. Even if it isn't much, bringing income home this year is better than saying you'll start charging or start making money "later" (or worse -- "next ...
How to get people buying and booking whenever you want.
"I never discount my work!" is something my peeps say when I'm working with them, but they usually don't know an alternative to getting people to book in a timely fashion. The secret to enticing people to do what you want is called an incentive. No one is asking you to discount your work. I am asking that you consider creating an incentive for booking your services to get a jump on your business calendar for the next six months. An incentive is an extra-special reason to buy something. For example, when I ordered my Pajama Jeans, I received a gray t-shirt as an incentive. (Don't judge!  They were good until they died a tragic death during their second trip to the washer.) Open the Sunday newspaper and you'll see make-up counter incentives all over the place: spend $50 and receive a free purse full of samples. Spend $60 and ...
Lose the guilt.
Meet my manuscript! I just said that in the Patti Stanger "Meet My Millionaires!" voice, in case your mind-reading skills aren't in effect yet today. This manuscript has been the source of much joy, frustration, concentration, focus, determination, teamwork, and elation for the past ten months. Thing is, I hate printers. Not my publishing printers, but home printers.  Those nasty little $99 devices that break at just the wrong time.  And I need to see the book printed out to edit properly because that's the way my brain works.  Screens just won't do. I would spend an hour or more printing each copy of the Film is Not Dead manuscript, replacing ink cartridges and swearing like a sailor for each draft that took place.  There have been many, many drafts. When Haunani mentioned my blood pressure one too many times during these printing episodes, I decided to say "Screw it" ...
Grab a buddy, make your website more badass.
Back in the day, (and let's pause here to admit that I just like saying 'back in the day,' even if I'm talking about last Wednesday)...back in the day, I was forced to do a peer review for every term paper submitted as part of the Honors Core course in college.  The peer review was designed to open my eyes to a paper's flaws before it was submitted for grading by a professor. In other words, I would write a paper.  My peer would write a paper.  And then we would switch and read the other's work.  This made it easy to point out the flaws in logic, the grammatical errors, the assumptions that didn't work, and the bits that needed some refining before getting to the professor's careful eyes. The least helpful peers wrote, "Good job."  The ones that really helped cited that flaw on page 7 which leads ...
The one great (bio) line.
I've been watching unholy amounts of TV all summer long.  My new favorite show is The Graham Norton Show, an English chat show that's available on demand.  There's one recurring segment -- 'That's All We've Got Time For' -- in which random viewers are placed in a giant red chair and asked to tell their best story to Graham. If they start with something boring, like, "I was walking down the street in Wales, and it was a really nice day out..." -- Graham flips the chair back and they've lost their privileges to tell any more of their tale.  It gets a big laugh because well, there's some poor soul being booted around in a giant chair. Setting isn't nearly as important as you'd think, so no one is allowed to waste time on details relating to it. "When I was on the tube two months ago..." and "I ...
Who builds a chapel at the end of their driveway?
It should come as no surprise that I watch Bravo TV shows. After all, I'm a writer, and when I don't feel like writing or have no ideas or want to avoid pushing past page 22 and into page 23 -- the Housewives are a good distraction. So I'm watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey (not my favorite, but they'll do in a housewife-y pinch) and I glance up to see Teresa praying in her private chapel. Located at the end of her vacation cabin's driveway. And I seriously doubt my own intelligence for choosing to keep watching in lieu of switching off the television for betraying my intelligence in such a fashion. Because there are people in the world who have taken the time -- and tens of thousands of dollars -- to build a chapel as an add-on to their vacation home. They could have paid their ...
Pee in the lake: the most effective blog post you can write today.
The scene: two turns past the middle of nowhere. The players: five kids, their Mom, and myself The story: We're driving around with five kids in the car, calling our time together 'an adventure.'  (This means we have no idea where we're going or what will happen.  The house was too hot to stay in any longer.  Half of the kids aren't wearing shoes, so going shopping or otherwise cavorting with civilized society is not really an option.) And then, we spot it: the sign for a boat launch.  "Oooh, turn there!" I yell, and we swerve down a dusty lane. We end up all alone with a body of water -- not a boat in sight. It's a gorgeous, sunny day, and within minutes there are five very-wet, very-happy children splashing around the lake while fully-dressed. Suddenly, Joshua has to pee.  NOW.  We encourage him to step out of ...
Time management: a 3-minute masterclass.
A few peeps have asked me to teach a time management course. I've declined. This isn't because I wouldn't be happy to take your money for such a course (oh hello, new bedroom furniture and pretty pretty curtains!) but because everything I know about time management is ridiculously simple. Have priorities and stick to them. That means waking up to make a list of the things that MUST get done, the things that SHOULD get done, and taking a glance at the things it'd be AWFULLY NICE to get done. Must get done: pay bills, take care of clients, shower. Should get done: work out, make some dinner, plan marketing events. Awfully nice to get done: Have some wine, shave legs, watch a movie, file accounting receipts. If figuring out how to structure time effectively is something you need, check out structure that doesn't suck. When you say you don't ...
Be the pink tree.
It's Spring.  There are 9.8 million brown trees waiting to unfurl their new leaves. And there are a few trees getting all the attention. The pink trees. You know the pink trees -- the ones that aren't afraid to bloom a little early. To be a little different. To show up first and start dancing. To be the center of attention. To rock their unique talents. To share their gifts with all the world. To be outrageous in their boldness, their cleverness, their commitment to color. Be the pink tree. When the rain comes and the mud sucks at your boots. When you're tempted to bloom with all the others. When you can no longer bear being anything but yourself.  Entirely yourself. Be the pink tree. P.S.  I'm proud of you ...
To succeed, you have to risk failure.
When I'm talking with peeps and we've just figured out their latest pricing/branding/marketing move, I've learned to expect it. A deep pause.  And then: "Do you think it will work?" Yes, yes I do.  But I don't know it will work. No one does.  Same goes for "Will I make it?" and "How's this promotion look to you?"  I make educated guesses.  I don't know anything will work, ever.  And neither do you. Such is the nature of being in business.  Deep pauses and the question: "Do you think it will work?" Each of us, we business owners, are only making educated guesses.  If it feels right and we're reasonably confident in the results, we move forward. This is how you write a book in less than a month, how you fund wildly adventurous trans-continental journeys, and how you lay your dreams on the line in order to keep building ...
How to say no.  With pizazz.
You've got your work online, and you're getting lots of inquiries.  Yay! However, many of those inquiries are for services you don't provide or asking for heavy discounts.  Bah. What's the nice way to say "No way, Jose" in a tone that won't make you come off as a douchebag? First, assess the (potential) client's level of douchebaggery.  If he or she is fishing for discounts and coming off in a way that makes you all irritated -- and all you did was read their e-mail -- then walk away.  Respond with a firm "No" and then forget they exist. If, however, they seem kinda cool -- it might be worth a chat via phone or e-mail.   Below, my recommended responses to a slew of scenarios. 1.)  Sorry, I can't, but _______________ can. I get all sorts of wedding inquiries, even though I don't shoot weddings.  I send each ...
How to not suck at customer service.
I was working on a major project and it wasn't going well.  And by not going well, I mean that it was a constant source of frustration, tears, and Bud Light drinking.  (Yah.  Bud Light. In cans.  Told you it was bad.) Instead of bitching, moaning, and whining about my frustrations and then being nicey-nice to the project manager's face, I told her what was up. Two pages of 'this happened, this happened, this happened, and then THIS happened, and then I cried.' I had given up on the project experience and chalked the whole thing up to 'lesson learned' or some other bullshit cliche that people bust out when things aren't going their way.  I expected absolutely nothing good to happen from sending that e-mail. But a miraculous transformation took place.  The project got back on track and I want to hug the whole team who made it happen ...
The power of decency.
I bought a car yesterday.  It was an emergency purchase required by my old car dying a painful death. So, I wanted to buy a USED (anyone who's been in 7 car accidents before the age of 30 does not buy new) car.  Specifically, an automatic Volkswagen Beetle with a moonroof with under 80,000 miles on it.  Year irrelevant, so long as it fit within budget.  And time was, you know, of the essence. I was just going to go to the dealerships of the cars listed on the internet when my Dad warned that they don't always keep the listings current.  The car could be sold.  Silly me for thinking that your advertising the car means you still have the car. I called dealerships.  And called dealerships.  And called dealerships. Sold (with listing still active.) Sold (with listing still active.) Sold (with listing still active.) Not sold!  But the ...
Bake your business up right.
My Dad discovered baking at age 55.  He enjoys cutting dessert recipes from the newspaper and making them from scratch.  He's happy to whip up a cheesecake or a pie for the church function, the family lunch, or next week's get-together. My Mom and I noticed that his baked goods were always a touch on the burned side.  Being supportive family members, we ate what he provided and attributed the crispy edges to a faulty oven.  A slightly-off-kilter recipe.  A wacky timer incident or two.  The little old church ladies were all kind words and compliments.  We were all pretending the crusts were just dandy. Until one fateful day when my Mom walked into the kitchen and found the pan Dad had just slipped into the oven set to bake a cake for 15 minutes at 650 degrees. 15 minutes at 650 degrees. Dad figured that if 30 minutes at ...
The part where my Dad boycotts mashed potatoes.
My Dad is a quiet man.  My longest phone conversation with him lasted 7 minutes, and I regularly chat with strangers for up to two hours at a clip.  While growing up, Mom did the cooking.   Dad rode his epic lawnmower around the yard:  headlights on, engines firing, guttural race car noises barely audible over the drone of the tractor. At Thanksgiving last year, Dad threw his fork down and declared, "I HATE MASHED POTATOES."  I have seen the man eat three helpings of mashed potatoes at every major holiday meal I can recall having attended.  The guy pounds the potatoes back like a faux-Irishman with a yard of green beer on St. Patty's Day. "Oh,"  Mom sighs.  "Anything else?" "I hate HAM, too." They've been married for twenty-nine years.  It took twenty-nine years for Dad to admit to not liking mashed potatoes AND ham.  (Like I said, he's ...
How to market when you're totally broke.
There are infinite numbers of ways to spend money on marketing, but sometimes you've only got a few hours and no dollars to spend. Here are easy ways to market your business that cost less than $10 each. Kindly remember that with NO money, you're going to have to rely on your talents and negotiation skills.  You may have to barter or give something away to get what you need.  Trying to get yourself hundreds of postcards or other hard goods with $0 and no willingness to earn them simply won't work.  But trading some of your work for a booth at a conference or trade show?  Totally doable. 1.) Leave your business cards on three community bulletin boards. Can't think of anywhere?  Starbucks, the YMCA, the gym, your coffee shop, your laundromat, your deli, and your hairdressers' work station.  You know you've heard this before, but how often do ...
Why you don't lead with price.
I see artists who refuse to charge more for their work make excuses like, "I don't want to be considered expensive" and "I'd rather have clients and make SOME money at these prices than have NO clients at higher prices." 'Expensive' is a relative term. For example.  You're in Vegas.  You see a lovely sex worker lady/man/human you find utterly attractive, regardless of gender identity.  And you say, "Hey, how much does an hour with you cost?" This magnificent person says, "$300."  Well, you don't know what you're getting, and your budget was $150, so the service seems expensive.  You move on. Magnificent sex worker person #2, whom you approach after deeming the first person's services 'too expensive,' says: "I'm going to *beep* your *beep,* then *beep* your *beep* and then roll you in *beep*sauce and *beep* you senseless.  That'll be $300." Oh, exquisite human #2!  Budget no longer matters ...
Every strip club needs a bouncer.
Your strip club (see this post, if you're confused) is now flourishing!  Those marketing techniques you mastered have filled the club nightly, and Crystal's g-string is stuffed full of singles at least four times a night.  But...there's a problem.    You serve Chimay, your clients want Bud Light.  The club offers lap dances starting at $95, and some clients want to pay $15. You, my friend, need a bouncer. Prices are often your bouncer. Listing your session fee, base package price, and/or basic collection price can be effective in weeding out your less-than-ideal clients.  (Listing no price leaves too much room for assumptions about how 'cheap' or 'expensive' you are!) Text can be your bouncer, too. Using adjectives to describe your work as 'classic' will deter those who are looking for modern images.  'Upscale' or 'elegant' can trigger the dollar-signs that keep clients with a Craigslist budget from looking any ...
Even strip clubs go out of business.
Oh, the strip club.  It's a simple business model, right? You provide hot people (or, as in these photos, topless go-go's) and cold beer at reasonable prices, and wham!  You've got a time-honored business model working in your favor. Strip clubs should be profit MACHINES. But just because you have the prettiest, thinnest, hottest, _____est dancers doesn't mean people will find you. You're nodding your head.  You're like, 'duh, Kristen, of COURSE people won't find out about Crystal Delicious and her miraculous pole-dancing on their own!' So why do you assume people will find out about your business on their own? You're talented, you do great work, you have a website. And no one cares. You're dancing for an empty auditorium. How do we go about filling that auditorium? Generate buzz. If you owned a strip club, you would attempt to generate buzz locally.  Postcards, posters, and business cards shuffling ...
Consider this your permission.
If you adore something, use it.  Show it.  Embrace your love of plaid, your preppy side, your polka dotted background.  (Don't let anyone tell you x, y, or z is awful if you find it remarkable.) If you hate something, don't do it.  If you loathe blogging, find another way to reach your audience.  If you are nauseated by traditional ways of doing things, don't do them.  If you abhor color photos, shoot only black and white.  If you retch at the thought of digital photography, shoot film. Consider this your permission. You are good enough.  You are brave enough.  You can treat yourself and your artwork with dignity. Consider this your permission. Get out there and fail without beating yourself up about it.  Get out there and make a friend, work with a business, hold a contest, try out a promotion.  If it fails, minimize it.  If it succeeds, ...