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Energy is your friend.

Energy bio

Psst!  This is the final That’s What She Said episode about coming into right relationship with the things we spend: time, money, and energy.  Check out time is your friend and/or money is your friend

It’s Summer 2020, and I’m sitting on the back porch with my eyes leaking tears for minutes or perhaps hours at a time. When Bear asks what’s wrong, I say “I’m so tired.” This is the same thing I say every day, because this particular scene unfolds at the same time each afternoon.

For a lot of months when pandemic started, it felt like I was swiping my energetic credit card when I went to work in the morning: WELP you’ve no longer got actual energy, so we’ll pull from your reserves and see what happens. Future You will figure this out!

As evidenced by the daily tired cry, this strategy failed to work a few months into the crisis. My energy reserves were non-existent. I hit rock bottom energetically, day after day, unable to store up any scrap of energy to make tomorrow easier to survive.

If this has been happening to you, too: YUP I get it.

We humans are meant to have crises that last a few days or weeks, not global crises that unfold over the course of years, as pandemic is doing right now. (More about this from Brene Brown here! It’s genius!)

Pandemic life means our relationship with energy — how much of it we have, use, and need in any given day — has to change.

What was a-okay behavior for 2019-Me didn’t help me through pandemic. I was tired, I was lonely, I was recovering from having had Covid before it had a name, and I was in a new place entirely, having moved from Philly to Portland just before the virus was unleashed.

To build up energy, I had to get still and really listen to my body.

My body said it needed more sleep. And more time outside. And to do yoga every single day, no exceptions. I started doing those things, and in time I found that I was no longer hitting energetic rock bottom day after day. Three times a week, maybe. Four times, tops. OKAY FIVE TIMES A WEEK, MAX.

After moving back to Philly, body started asking to meditate. To which I reacted positively while screaming WHY GOD WHY internally. I’ve actively avoided having a meditation practice for a couple of decades, ’cause wow do I hate sitting still and watching my mind. I want to AVOID my mind most of the time, and now you want me to sit still and BE WITH IT?

Fine.

Fine, I’ll do that, too.

Finding ways to produce and enjoy having enough energy often comes back to incredibly basic building blocks that we like to pretend don’t matter.

We like to think we’ve got shit figured out and we’re FINE GODDAMMIT, so why try improving anything at all? For me, the long journey to the body has meant that I’ve had to learn how to be in my body; ask my body what it needs; and stay tuned into my body while working out or even having sex.

ENERGETIC HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #1: BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FUEL LEVELS.

How much energy have you got in your tanks right now?

I dare you to be honest about that information with yourself. And then with others.

To tell on myself, here: a lot of the reason that I broke down crying every day in Portland had nothing to do with being tired. I was often crying because I expected myself to be GREAT and I wasn’t feeling at all great. I conveniently ignored the fact that I was thousands of miles from all loved ones except Bear, trapped in the house during a pandemic without a vaccination, living in a city experiencing visits from the Proud Boys domestic terrorism organization, and acting as the breadwinner while a global crisis unfolded.

The expectation that I would be FANTASTIC EVEN THOUGH THE WORLD IS ON FIRE was actually more harmful than having very little energy.

I would beat myself up about how I SHOULD BE FEELING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I AM, which resulted in wasting energy on self attack instead of using that energy to…sleep. Or eat some vegetables.

That’s part of why this simple question — how much energy have you got in your tanks right now? — is so profound. We’re trained to ignore our bodies and pretend everything is okay, so being honest with yourself about how much energy you ACTUALLY POSSESS AT THIS MOMENT might feel incredibly vulnerable.

You might admit that you haven’t felt like yourself in weeks or months or years. You might be absolutely freaked out by how little energy you’ve got in the tank when you stop to check. Your asshole brain might have convinced you that there’s no use checking, ’cause it will always be this way. (And ‘this way’ is sleep-deprived, nutritionally deficient, overwhelmed, dehydrated, and/or stagnant.)

This is data. Just as an empty gas tank doesn’t mean the car has to be scrapped, an empty energy tank doesn’t mean you’re broken. It’s COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE that you’re exhausted in this moment.

You are surviving an unprecedented global event that has left no one on the planet untouched.

That’s the good news: being tired is perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with you.

The bad news? Your exhaustion isn’t going to go away on its own.

ENERGETIC HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #2: COME BACK TO BASICS.

Being with and caring for our bodies often means being with what our mind wants to write off as basic — and therefore unnecessary — needs. Our asshole brain scoffs as we throw back mountains of sugar and pretend there are no consequences. Asshole brain has NO interest in hydrating, spending time in nature, meditating, ending work at a reasonable hour, getting enough sleep, moving the body, or even having days off.

Asshole brain will whisper that you should be doing MORE, not less, and do you really need nine hours of sleep, lazy?

Uh…yes, you do.

When your energy levels are in the toilet, it’s your job to take care of your body in ways that might have seemed indulgent or silly or ‘unproductive’ in The Before.

You might need more sleep, more greens, more time outside, more time offline, and more white space in your mind. (I have yet to meet a human who doesn’t need more of these things at this moment in time!)

Asshole brain will say sleep, greens, nature, offline time, and white space are basic. THAT DOESN’T MAKE THEM UNIMPORTANT.

Sure, these are basic needs, but they’re also the answer to filling your wells again: making sure the basics aren’t leaking energy. (Show me a person who is hyper-productive but doesn’t sleep, and I’ll show you a person I’d rather avoid.)

Which actions help to fill your tank in the most basic (and therefore reliable) of ways?

To put this another way: what are you committed to?

At some points in my life, my commitments were to take a shower, brush my teeth, and leave the house before 10am. Your commitments don’t have to be enormous in order to count!

Which actions or habits can you commit to on a daily basis in the name of having more energy for the long term?

Again, telling on myself: when my beloved health care provider asked me what I was committed to, I’m pretty sure I swore and scoffed. Then came the whining: I DON’T WANT TO BE COMMITTED TO ANYTHING DURING A PANDEMIC! Then the eye rolling: COMMITMENT IS SO STUPID ANYWAY, I DON’T EVEN LIKE COMMITMENTS. (See asshole brain doing its thing?)

I finally settled on being committed to doing yoga, meditating, and having 5 servings of fruits and vegetables per day. UGH I HATED SAYING IT OUT LOUD. And I’ve resisted doing it even more! But the truth is, those three commitments have helped me SURVIVE. Yoga makes me dip into my body before my mind gets going, meditation makes sure I’ve had silence and stillness in my mind before my work starts, and we both know there’s no substitution for eating actual foods that grew in the earth.

What are you committed to, even if you have to announce your commitment whilst kicking and screaming internally?

Please don’t judge yourself for the basics that have lapsed in the past 18 months. It’s not helpful to beat yourself up for not getting sleep or for stress-eating muffins until you developed a muffin top. You did what you had to do in order to survive. And now, you’re free to make new choices.

TOTAL ASIDE THAT DIDN’T FIT ANYWHERE BUT FEELS LIKE IT NEEDS TO BE SAID: sometimes you’re committed to the exact wrong thing. I know this because, like always, I’m speaking from personal experience. 😉

When I thought I was getting ‘too big’ for my life — when I was so clearly outgrowing my marriage and some parts of my work — I thought it would be better to get smaller. Just…try and keep this shit under wraps, Kalp. (Notice that ‘thinking’ about a thing and ‘knowing’ a thing are actual literal worlds apart. My mind OWNED MY ASS for the first 3 decades of life.) Don’t swear too much or say too much and FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T TELL YOUR HUSBAND’S ABUSIVE FATHER HE’S AN ASSHOLE. I failed on ALL COUNTS at getting smaller — I was just me-sized, but now angsty about being ‘too much.’ At some point I realized that my shrinking only made my husband shrink farther so as to not be bigger than me, thus making me angry, tired, frustrated, and downright mean to him. Internally screaming GET BIGGER MOTHERFUCKER at him didn’t work. Divorce did.

This is not about divorce so much as refusing to alter your DNA for anyone or anything — instead, growing bigger and accessing more energy to deal with the repercussions of being who you are, instead of wasting any energy at all on repression and refusing to feel what you feel.

Sure, some people will say shit about you, and some will roll their eyes, and OTHERS WILL GIVE YOU MANY DOLLARS FOR BEING EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

If you’re committed to getting or to being smaller, please please please knock that shit off.

Okay? Okay.

ENERGETIC HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #3: LEARN TO DEEPLY NURTURE YOURSELF.

Yah, I know, talking about nurturing is even worse than handling the basics.

Your asshole brain might be defensive, piping up about how YOU’RE TOO BUSY ALREADY HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY FIND TIME FOR NURTURING. You might be like, YAH I TAKE A SHOWER AND EAT FOOD EVERY DAY, ISN’T THAT NURTURING ENOUGH? You might be like, ALL I DO IS NURTURE PEOPLE ALL DAY, WHEN IS SOMEBODY GONNA NURTURE ME?

Yes. I know. You’re busy and you’re doing the best you can. You’re taking care of yourself and you’ve got responsibilities.

I know. And.

This crisis isn’t going anywhere.

We’ve got to find new ways to support ourselves and our resiliency as we move through the coming months and years.

Pretending that you aren’t tired, exhausted, wiped out, overwhelmed, or freaking out won’t make your exhaustion disappear.

A few questions to help you find what your body or being needs:

Is there anything your being or body has been asking for repeatedly? And can you give yourself the gift of that thing?

Is there any person, activity, event, or practice that you keep being drawn to? And can you let yourself explore that thing?

Do you keep finding links or books or videos or articles about a topic that makes you feel inexplicable joy or curiosity? And can you let yourself move toward that thing?

This is the big energetic secret: we’re nurtured by what we’re nurtured by. It’s not the same for everyone.

Move toward any and everything that nurtures your body, brain, or being. Without judgement.

Bear can listen to music for 12 hours a day. I shine in silence.
I paint to fill myself up with color and form and movement. Bear has never painted a thing.
Bear can work his body for hours a day and enjoy it. He’s hiked the Appalachian Trail just for fun. I can hike for about two miles before I hate everything and everyone in existence.

Let yourself embrace whatever it is that nurtures you most deeply.

Asshole brain will pipe up that you shouldn’t give a fuck about [thing you care about] because [arbitrary thing] is more important.

It will say that [thing you care about] is stupid, or that [thing you’d like to try] is impossible.

When you kill your curiosity, you kill off your life force. Let yourself try out painting and fly fishing and turning your phone off and camping and clubbing and WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT CONTAINS ENERGY, FOR YOU.

Move toward that which is alive, and you’ll get more alive — i.e. have more energy — yourself.

🔥If you’d like my help tracking your basics, staying committed to your aliveness, and nurturing habits so that you’ve actually got enough energy to enjoy your business, take a look at KK on Tap Biz Coaching.

I’ll help you end I Can Do It All By Myself Syndrome so that you can stop stressing about doing ALL THE THINGS and actually ENJOY having a soulful, profitable business. Details here.

THE ENERGY IS YOUR FRIEND RECAP

🌈Be honest about your energy levels with those closest to you. Ask for help as needed.

🌈Cover the basics without shame or judgement: are you hydrating? Sleeping enough? Having nutrition? Moving your body in some way on the regular? Getting time offline and without screens? Having sex?

🌈Embrace whatever it is that nurtures you most deeply. (You need to go to a knitting retreat and get your yarn on for a week? Okay! Judging what you want is a fantastic way to make yourself miserable. Let’s skip it. 😉

Hugs,

K

P.S. Asshole brain came up a lot in this episode, here’s some more about it!

Money is Your Friend.

money habit

Psst! This is part of a That’s What She Said podcast series about befriending all the things you spend in life: time, money, and energy.  Enjoy!

Just like you might not feel like the phrase ‘time is your friend‘ is true, ‘money is your friend’ might strike you as a bold-faced lie. AND. I do not know of a single person who operates completely outside the realm of money. I know no one who doesn’t think about, spend, save, worry about, or use money to operate their lives.

Part of what fucks with our heads about money is what we were taught about it growing up; how much our parents had or didn’t have, how our family used or didn’t use money.

I grew up going to both protestant and Catholic church each week (more about that here), where I was taught that money is the root of all evil. That wanting money is bad. That having money is bad. And that giving money to the church is good. Like, WOW GOOD.

It’s taken decades to unravel those early ‘money is the root of all evil’ teachings from the reality of how money operates within spiritual belief systems, so I want to briefly address this issue. (Side note: THE LOVE OF money is described as the root of all evil in the Bible, not money itself. Editing and context matter. Words are really easy to truncate and manipulate, particularly by people who have access to a spiritual text and a pulpit.)

If church of some kind messed with your head around money as a kid: two quick facts.

Fact #1: The Roman Catholic church is estimated to have assets worth a minimum of $30 billion dollars.

Fact #2: A 2016 study found that the U.S. faith sector “is worth $1.2 trillion, more than the combined revenue of the top 10 technology companies in the country, including Apple, Amazon, and Google.” (Source)

So…money is bad, says (much of) religion, BUT ALSO WORTH 1.2 TRILLION to the U.S. faith sector.

Money is VERY VERY BAD, say most places of worship, but also please buy our books, programs, services, belief systems, and political candidates. (Guilt trips included at no extra charge!)

I’m talking about this not to bash religion in any capacity, but to point out a place where you may specifically have been coerced into shutting down around money.

If you’ve ever been taught that having, using, earning, spending, or worrying about money messes with your spiritual side, can we let that shit go?

Treating money as purely bad is both untrue and unfair.  Worse, that belief holds us back from doing our truest work in the world.

I grew up in a trailer and bought all my clothes from thrift stores, the mall being reserved for a Back to School Outfit and new sneakers once a year. Money was always scarce. I wasn’t taught money skills, money tips, money tricks, or even basic budgeting. Junior high and high school classes failed to teach practical money skills in any capacity, but WOW DID CALCULUS COME IN HANDY (kidding).  College led to my discovering the world of credit cards, which really amounted to racking up tons of debt with no solid plans for paying it down. Owning a business has revealed that while I am a consummate earner, saving and budgeting are still skills I struggle to manage.

Absolutely everything that I know about money has been hard-won, and I hope my sharing three ways I improved my relationship with money will be helpful for you.

MONEY HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #1: LOOK AT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT(S).

This might seem like a REALLY small thing if you’ve grown up without having experienced poverty, overdrawn bank accounts, or massive debt. But to those who have experienced the warm wash of shame that happens when you open up your banking app and feel like you don’t have control over your life because you don’t have control over your money, it’s a big deal. (Read: I actively avoided checking my bank account for a number of years in my late twenties. Once every few weeks is more than enough, right?)

I know you don’t want to look at your bank accounts when the chips are down. I know how your pulse races, your cheeks blush, and your fingers shake when you login to see how little money you’ve got or how much the overdraft charges are for today.

I get it. AND. The only way to get better at money is to face it directly.

Logging in to your bank account every day, even when the balance that’s waiting for you is drastic or terrible, is better than avoiding your money reality. Hoping your money issues will go away or miraculously be fixed actively harms Future You.

Being willing to look your money in the face is a HUGE step. From there, we move on to some simple numbers.

MONEY HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #2: KNOW WHAT’S ENOUGH.

Business owners often come to me for coaching (details of working with me here!) without knowing how much money is ‘enough.’

Enough is the point at which you can pay your business expenses, your salary, and your taxes without drawing from savings or going into debt.

Enough is the bare minimum upon which you can operate a profitable business. It’s often a smaller number than you’d think, but you can’t know until you actually do some math to find it.

🔥I’ll happily help you break down Finding Your Enough Number in this podcast, and you can pick up the workbook in which I walk you through Finding Your Enough Number for $10.

We’ll dive into your numbers, find your Enough number, and take one more step toward befriending money as a business owner. With that number in hand, we can move on.

MONEY HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #3: BE VERY SPECIFIC ABOUT THE MONEY YOU WANT.

When coaching peeps want to make ‘more’ money in business, we first spend time getting to a VERY specific earning number. Then we break down how to reach that number in the coming months of business.

We don’t say we want Barbara to find ‘more’ clients. Based on her Enough number, we want her to find 13 clients in the coming 6 weeks.

We don’t say we want Krysta to book ‘more’ weddings. We want her to focus on booking 3 weddings in the next 3 weeks.

An amorphous ‘more’ can never be reached, and therefore you’ll never feel satisfied with regards to money.

Based on your Enough number, how many products or services do you have to sell in the coming month? And next month?

This is the unsexy way that business is done! You can have all the bells and whistles and coaches and programs in the world, but being an entrepreneur really does come down to knowing your expenses, your income, your tax burden, and your needs — then marketing your work accordingly.

Your Enough number provides the baseline for running a soulful and profitable business.

The people I work with don’t want to make seven figures in the next 22 minutes using THESE 8 STEPS THAT ARE AVAILABLE ONLY THROUGH THIS LIMITED TIME OFFER.

My peeps want to create and nourish a demand for the work they create that allows them to be both well paid and time affluent.

Today’s deceptively simple approach to money allows you to reach Enough without having to scale your business to include 17 employees, AND it gives you the time you need to do your work in the world. (Or to fuck off and do nothing at all!)

THE MONEY IS YOUR FRIEND ACTION RECAP

🌈  Login to your bank account. Face what’s there. Login again tomorrow. Repeat. You’re building a muscle and this will become less scary with time.
🌈  Find Your Enough Number if you own a business so that you know exactly how much you need to make in order to run a profitable operation. (Listen to the podcast and pick up the workbook, too!)
🌈  Work backwards from your Enough number in order to create Very Specific marketing goals for the coming months.

If you’d like me to help you do this work in your business, talk to me about KK on Tap biz coaching! You can grab the details or join the waitlist at kristenkalp.com/tap. I’d be thrilled to help you both define and earn Enough in the coming year.

Hugs,
K

P.S. Want to dive deeper into selling from here? Try That’s What She Said podcast episode #100, Stay on it.

Time is your friend.

time

As we re-enter the world in some fashion after being locked down or nearly locked down for more than a year, I wanted to talk about some of our most-basic-but-important relationships as humans.

Like it or not, you’ve got a relationship with time, with money, and with energy. We’re going to address each of those relationships with an eye toward improving each one in a tiny series of coaching podcasts, starting with time. Truth be told…

Time is your friend.

My saying ‘time is your friend’ might feel like a bunch of bullshit. Because you have 3 meetings, 4 car rides, and 72 emails to conquer today, and that even doesn’t include your ‘real’ work. You might feel as if time is scarce or as if time is your most hated enemy. You might feel as if you don’t have enough time, no matter what you do or how hard you try to find time for yourself and your interests. You might have experienced so MUCH time in pandemic that you’d like to skip a year or two in response. You might feel bored by time, stressed by time, or just plain pissed off that time is not within your control.

Let’s talk about simple ways to to help you feel less like you’re free falling through your days.

This podcast episode will help you enjoy the time you’ve got by being fully present with what is, rather than stressing about the 84 tasks you haven’t done and the fact that you haven’t yet watched Ted Lasso. (Spoiler alert: THAT SHOW IS AMAZING.)

When befriending time, remember: structure is not the enemy.  Unstructured free falls through time are the enemy.

If you’re anything like me, I know how hard you fight structure of ANY kind. I know you don’t want to do any activity every single day, let alone something USEFUL OR HELPFUL FOR YOUR LIFE every day.

You know that having a precise calendar with scheduled work tasks and clear boundaries around your work time would be useful. But you can’t seem to change your days. You wake up, get to your desk at some point, and then wonder what to do…so you check your email, get overwhelmed by the amount of communication ahead of you…and start scrolling. Or reading emails without answering. Or bouncing from tab to tab, vaguely ‘working’ but without any real sense of direction.

Another day lost to overwhelm.

For the full monty on time and structure, I’ve got you covered. The Structure That Doesn’t Suck podcast series will help you create structure from the ground up in your life, whether you hate structure with the fire of a thousand suns or, at the opposite end of the spectrum, know exactly what you’ll be doing at 3pm on Tuesday six months from now.

Part One helps you figure out which of two time types you fall into and recognize your most basic patterns.  Part Two helps you sort your priorities and get shit DONE.  Part Three loads you up with tips to help maximize your time, while in Part Four you’ll dream big and nail down some concrete plans to help you move forward with structure AND priorities in place. Part Five wraps up with making parameters for your Next Big Thing to unfold, this time with structure in place from the beginning!

Not ready for the five part undertaking of Structure That Doesn’t Suck?

Here are three ways to befriend time right this instant.

TIME HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #1: Schedule hard tasks of all kinds.

Much of what doesn’t get done by peeps who own their own businesses is truly boring shit.

For my coaching peeps, those hard tasks tend to be accounting, bookkeeping, invoicing, and most anything related to money. (Sales, marketing, and pricing can also fall into this category!) Because they avoid the tasks, each one grows in size, making them EVEN MORE FANTASTIC TO AVOID.

If you hate bookkeeping and you’re a month behind, it’s a task you dread. Make that six months of no bookkeeping and FUCK IT I’LL START A NEW BUSINESS INSTEAD OF DOING THIS WORK.

You can avoid that FUCK IT I HATE THIS reaction by scheduling regular time to do any and every dreaded business task.

Schedule regularly designated days or times each month to do hard things.

In KK on Tap, we have Get Shit Done Days to help with this! We meet at 10am to tell each other what we’ll be working on, then go at the bullshit tasks we’d rather not do until 2pm, when we meet again to talk about what we’ve accomplished. (And fling confetti. Obviously.)

The ‘we’re in this together’ momentum makes even the most mundane of tasks celebration worthy: we didn’t want to do things! We rallied and did them anyway! Hooray! (To be clear: we clear *four* hours to work. *Four.* So much of what we dread doing as business owners takes up headspace for months, but takes minutes to complete!)

Schedule recurring hard tasks so you don’t have to think about ’em.

Rather than running out of time to work on your social media posts and doing them in front of the TV on Wednesday nights, set up a recurring event that gives you time to do your marketing during regular work hours. Same goes for writing your newsletter, holding a sale, or meeting with your accountant!

Schedule it, schedule it, schedule it.

The more willing you are to schedule at least some of your work time, the freer you become to enjoy the rest of your work life!

No more dread and freaking out about all that shit you’re not doing.
No more guilt about avoiding your accountant.
No more vague sense of nausea about the paperwork you haven’t filled out.
No more wondering whether your clients are mad at you because you haven’t done what you promised.

Put it on the calendar, then do the work when the time comes. You got this.

Need help with this topic? Check out That’s What She Said episode 204, The Quietly Subversive Three-Hour Work Day.

Next up: the constant hustle. One of the traps of owning your own business is getting to a point where you’re working ALL THE TIME. You’re always working or thinking about working. When you do have time off, it tends to focus around holidays, other peoples’ needs, or both. In the interest of breaking that pattern, let’s talk about our second habit…

TIME HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #2: Schedule things to look forward to all over the place.

Begin by taking days off for no good reason.

Of course you’ll be at the family Christmas this year, complete with the gift buying and cooking and prepping and cleaning that entails! But what about taking off a random Thursday in October for no good reason?

We often think we have to have a Very Good Reason for taking time off, when in actuality we can enjoy days off without any ‘real’ reason at any time.

We’re adults, aren’t we?

To schedule random days off, simply take a look at your calendar of choice and mark three full work days in the coming six months as OFF. Then honor them. I did this by sprinkling some Wednesdays and Thursdays OFF in the next six months, and I can guarantee that Future Me will be happy AF. (Also: if you haven’t yet watched Ted Lasso, this is a perfect place to binge watch! FOR NO GOOD REASON!)

You’ll be tempted to take the days back, to make them super productive or project-oriented, or to schedule work tasks *only in the morning* because you feel guilty about having time off.

Please don’t do those things.

Give yourself the gift of a full, glorious, 100% responsibility-free day off.  JUST BECAUSE.

TIME HABIT OF MAGNIFICENCE #3: Turn your goddamn phone off.

Your phone does not love you. It cannot hold you and will not attend your funeral. It is a machine that stimulates our brains but severs us from our bodies — to our detriment.

Turning your phone off during the work day can help you focus. Turning it off when you’re not working can help you be present with all that is happening in your life. Either way, turning your phone off for sixty minutes a day will create freedom from the constant checking-picking-up-replying-scrolling patterns we’ve made during pandemic!

👉🏻If you’d like to cut your phone usage by 50% or more each day, check out Space. Space is a 21-day email class that will help you take back your time and attention with small, action-oriented daily activities.

A recent student of Space, Laura, said: “The internal space is DEEP AND WIDE! I feel like a huge, sprawling, muddy energy disease has been removed from my system. There is so much more space to feel potential and to take action. I have space to have slow mornings, take naps, play some video games, sit outside and enjoy the sun and flowers and STILL GET MORE WORK DONE than I ever did before because I’m not on my phone.”

If the thought of having random days off, time without your phone for an hour each day, and scheduling tasks can’t even BEGIN to touch the time issues you’ve got going on in your business, please consider working with me through KK on Tap biz coaching.

I’m actually what they call time affluent — meaning that I don’t view time as a scarce beast coming to eat my life and soul. When we work together, I can help you find, create, and enjoy time in ways you can’t even imagine at this very moment.

Join the waitlist for coaching here — or shoot me an email and I’ll add you to the waitlist.

THE RECAP. TO BEFRIEND TIME FROM HERE:

🔥Schedule time to complete at least 3 tasks you’ve been avoiding.
🔥Schedule 3 random, you didn’t earn them days off in the next six months.
🔥Turn your phone off for an hour as often as possible.
🔥Check out Space if you’d like to cut your phone time by 50% or more.  (The average person gets back FOURTEEN hours per week!)
🔥Listen to the Structure That Doesn’t Suck series if you’d like to go deeper into befriending time!

Hugs,

K

P.S.  Ever feel like you’re doing it wrong, where it = everything?  Read this next.

Coaching Quickie: Start a No Collection.

Are you afraid of hearing the word NO?

Do you avoid asking for help — or asking for anything that could lead to hearing a NO from another human being?

If yes, first and foremost, YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

Most of my biz coaching clients come to me so avoidant of the word ‘no’ that they never ask questions or make offers that could lead to hearing that word.

This coaching quickie episode of That’s What She Said will help you a.) stop fearing the word ‘no,’ and b.) actively celebrate every last rejection you receive.

Ready?

Start a No Collection.

Your goal is to make SO MANY asks of your fellow humans in the coming week that you collect 3 to 5 no’s along the way.

Starting a No Collection is an easy way of turning a word we tend to fear — ‘no’ — into a celebration of having asked in the first place. (Either you get a yes — WHICH IS FANTASTIC — or a no — which gets added to your collection! See how you win either way, with this one trick?)

Creating a No Collection allows you to assess your needs, ask for support with your most pressing concerns, and collect some help along the way.

By tracking and celebrating each one of the no’s you receive, you become less afraid of hearing no, less afraid of asking for help in general, and less afraid of making offers in your business. (Not everyone will want everything you offer! That’s par for owning and operating an enterprise.)

BUT WHAT WILL I ASK FOR, KRISTEN?

First and foremost: ask for help with invisible labor.

Any and everywhere that you complete tasks no one sees or acknowledges, take time to write those tasks down. Particularly tasks that make you seethe with resentment, that make you feel like you’re wasting your time or send you into despair, or that are in your business but do not require your particular gifts to complete. (For example: an acupuncturist client of mine recently hired an assistant to sterilize instruments, clean session rooms, and launder blankets and towels between appointments. Necessary work? Yes. Necessary work for the person who owns the business to complete? Not at all.)

If you’re seething with resentment about any tasks on your list, start there with asking for help! It can be paid help, bartered help, free help, family help, or friend help! The point is to ASK FOR HELP.

WHAT ELSE CAN I ASK FOR HELP WITH, KRISTEN?

Anything at all. Might I recommend support of some kind?

You can ask your friend to look over your new business product/service sales page and provide feedback about it.

Ask a colleague to hire you.

Ask to hire a colleague!

Ask for help with an area of business you find sticky or tricky: accounting, bookkeeping, graphic design, social media management, and/or consistent communication with your audience are places I’ve found that most business owners need support.

Ask for accountability around completing ________ [a task you’ve been avoiding for weeks/months/years/since Obama was in office].

As a business owner, I can 100% guarantee that you need help with something (or many somethings) at this moment.

I can also guarantee that specific requests for the support you need are the only way to get what you need, ’cause a money fairy or accounting fairy or structured time fairy is not going to drop out of the sky and makeover your life this afternoon.

👉🏻Should you need ALL THE HELP — hop on my KK on Tap biz coaching waitlist! When biz coaching spots open, you’ll be the first to know, and you’ll have me in your court for one full year. All the magic goes down online, so you can work with me from anywhere in the world!

Pro tip: specificity in your ask makes it easier for peeps to say yes or no.

Asking for an hour-long exploratory conversation is better than asking someone to ‘collaborate’ on an unspecified project that hasn’t yet been created.

Asking a colleague to text you on Tuesday mornings and ask whether you’ve completed the week’s bookkeeping duty beats asking someone to simply ‘be an accountability buddy.’ (For what? And how long? On which platform? Regarding which activities?)

Asking your partner to cook dinner on Wednesday and Friday beats asking for them to cook dinner ‘more.’ (I mean, they cooked that one time last week, which is technically ‘more’ than the weeks prior…)

Specific asks give a person an idea of what is expected, and when, and how much time it will take to complete the task. Because the other person understands the level of time, money, and/or energy needed to complete the task, they’re better equipped to give an honest answer and to be genuinely helpful when the time comes.

And if they say no, remember: you’re building a No Collection! Add it to the collection and keep on trucking!

YAH BUT HOW DO I ASK, EXACTLY?

There are an infinite number of ways to ask and I’ll roll through a few of ’em, but first: make peace with the asking itself.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, bad, wrong, or any other words your asshole brain throws around to keep you from completing this activity.

Asking for help makes you A HUMAN. We aren’t meant to meet 100% of our needs all by ourselves, but somehow the world makes it seem like being ‘self-made’ is the goal. We’re trained to need no one, ever, for any reason.

When you start a No Collection, you make it more likely that you’ll get the help you need to thrive at this moment.

If phrasing trips you up, here are 10 ways to frame the way you ask for help. The more specificity you can weave into these questions, the better:

Would you be willing to ____________?
Can you teach me how to ____________?
I have ____________ and you have ___________, can we trade?
Can you take a look at this [project/email/sales page/product] and let me know what you think about X?
Is it okay to call you/text you this afternoon about ___________?
I could use some help with _______________ this week. I estimate it will take X minutes.
Remember how [last week/month/year] you offered to _____________? I’d like to take you up on that offer.
I’ll give you ten bucks and a high five if you know the answer to this question. _____?
You asked if you could help and this is how. Here’s what I need: __________________.

WHAT ABOUT ASKING FOR MONEY?

Which clients or potential clients do you need to ask about hiring you, rehiring you, making a deposit, or pressing the buy button?

Because you can do that shit like BOOM. Make a list of about five people who have been circling your business and make a time-sensitive offer to each one. (More about making an offer that gets money in your bank account here.)

Maybe you include a 72-hour promo code with a ‘hire me!’ email. Maybe you offer a dozen roses or a massive discount or a huge bonus for buying within 24 hours. Maybe you extend an offer that hasn’t been doing all that well by making another pitch or two for your peeps to hire you.

So long as you’re asking your peeps to give you money in business, you’re doing the hard work of selling AND building your No Collection along the way.

Again, your goal is to gather 3-5 no’s for your No Collection in the coming week. Lemme know how it goes by shooting an email to k@kristenkalp.com!

P.S. Need help selling when you’re sick of saying the same thing over and over (and fucking OVER)…?  I FEEL YOU!  And also… Stay on it.

Laura Holway talks processes to make your biz life WAY less stressy.

This episode of That’s What She Said will make you feel less alone and more sane.  Bonus: you get to meet a rad new person and learn from her wisdom!

Laura Holway is a teacher, coach, writer, and kindred spirit. We met earlier this year. I immediately asked her to be on the podcast when I caught her talking about click-bait entrepreneurship and calling out the bullshit marketing practices that have hurt my soul over the last 11 years of owning a business.  (Related: the next level doesn’t exist.)

I invited her here to call out all sorts of bullshit, to help you remove yourself from those forms of bullshit, and to find the gifts that come after and from within the pain of our lives.

Laura uses a 5-step process to work with clients, and I wanted to walk through all 5 of those steps because they’re a.) brilliant and b.) clearly born of working the wrong way in order to find the right way.

Listen in as Laura Holway and I tackle learning to listen to your being, defining your center, connecting, experimenting, and creating support in your day-to-day entrepreneurial life!

Here are links to Laura’s Website ; Instagram; Newsletter; Podcast; and Tip Jar (it supports a scholarship fund for coaching — how very anti-capitalist!).  She also mentions Don’t You Feel It Too? 

Hugs,
K

P.S.  What’s the book Laura mentions that I sweep from my own shelf to quote in real time during this interview?  Proposals for the Feminine Economy by Jennifer Armbrust. (Related: an invitation to let your deep knowing drive the bus.)