defeat asshole brain Archives - ⚡️Kristen Kalp

Posts in "defeat asshole brain" Category

The Good, The Bad, and the Binary

In this episode of That’s What She Said, we’ll talk about The Good, The Bad, and the Binary.  I’ll walk you through the ways the concepts of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ fail women in particular, due to our good girl conditioning.


You’ll hear the results of THREE YEARS’ worth of wrestling with these concepts come together in one 41-minute podcast episode. 👇🏻

P.S. If you’ve ever had your brain tell you that you should be further along by now, listen to this.

I should be further along by now.

Let’s talk about what holds us back at the deepest levels in business on a daily basis: our own minds.

We need to be able to meet the present moment fully, without our asshole brains continuously telling us how far behind we are.  That’s why “I should be further along by now” is such a dangerous phrase.

“I should be further along by now” completely robs us of the nutrients of Now, since ‘further along’ is 100% future-focused.

“I should be further along by now” also forces us to focus on our perceived ‘failings.’

No matter WHAT we accomplished today, our asshole brains can ALWAYS beat us up with how much further along a completely imagined path we ‘should’ be by now.

Just won a Pulitzer? WHY ISN’T THIS YOUR THIRD.


Just filed hellish paperwork?  SHOULD HAVE HAD THAT DONE IN 2019.

In this episode of That’s What She Said, I’ll walk you through the MANY MANY HUNDREDS of times I’ve encountered this phrase and how to counteract it internally.

Let’s stop this phrase from rolling around your brain and sabotaging your work.

Tune in as I share the places where I’ve seen this phrase, ways I’ve combated this phrase within myself over the years, AND where it still trips me up. 👇🏻

P.S. Asshole brain is a term I made up to talk about allllllllll the ways your own thoughts mess with you *in ways that no one else can see.*

Places the patriarchy is still strong within me (and probably you too, dammit)

When I sent a list of possible podcast topics to my peeps, this is what you all chose: Places The Patriarchy Is Still Strong Within Me (and probably you too, dammit)!

In this episode of That’s What She Said, I’ll walk you through many of the places I’m actively working to extract patriarchal conditioning from my being.

This podcast episode is a walk through trust and vulnerability.  It’s a revealing of the places where I’m actively working, not of places I’ve 100% mastered.  It’s a reckoning with the fact that unlearning is a process, not a destination, as well as an active celebration of all the places where I’ve gained ground, claimed victory, and kicked ass.

Spoiler alert, the 7 areas I’m working to clear are my inner voice, spoken voice, body, apologies, asking, imagination, and witch wound.  (You’ll have to listen for all the details!)

I hope that listening to it leaves you feeling more hopeful, more connected, and less alone than when you started.

This is less How to Fix/Solve X — and more a journey through the places where what we think is OUR PROBLEM ALONE is actually A MASSIVE SOCIETAL PROBLEM WITH NO CLEAR SOLUTION. 😉

P.S. My Receive breathwork class is an ideal place to start reclaiming your body, breath, and the critical feeling of your own worthiness to receive.

You don’t have to earn your keep.

Welcome to Microdose #2 in our 2022 podcast series!  You can start with Pandemic, Year Three, or dive in below for the most-relevant-to-this-moment wisdom I’ve got:

We begin with a poem.

When people ask how I am, I don’t want my first response to be “Tired.”

And so I am undoing
my life’s ley lines
around wonder and silence
stillness and depth

I am deleting apps,
banishing the phone to the furthest corners
of the house.

I am tossing big plastic rings
at the dog, who chases them
and chews them
and likes to see if he can dangle from them
by his teeth for just a second
before his grip fails.

I am learning not-tired the same way:
dangling, just barely
by my teeth

But I am learning, nonetheless.

There’s a portion of asshole brain that I call Resting Bitch Voice. It’s like Resting Bitch Face, only this doesn’t just make you look like you’re pissed when you’re in the latest edition of People magazine.

Resting Bitch Voice keeps you tired, overworked, stressed, steeped in martyrdom, and unable to articulate exactly why you feel like a bag of old turds. (This is covered in far greater detail in That’s What She Said episode #251, which you can find at

First, Resting Bitch Voice makes you EARN rest.

Resting Bitch Voice will also pipe up about how you’re doing rest WRONG.

It says things like…

Why can’t you do all these tasks on this very long list and THEN rest?

Why can’t you rest MORE PRODUCTIVELY?

Why aren’t you working ahead when you know you have [ENORMOUS LIST OF THINGS] to do next week?

Why is the pandemic STILL making you tired?

Why can’t you just HANDLE YOUR SHIT without having to sleep, chill, ask for help, or unplug?

Ultimately, Resting Bitch Voice continuously conveys that it is NOT OKAY to be human.

It NEVER stops questioning your Very Human Limitations.

I’m not telling you about Resting Bitch Voice because this is easy work.

Rather, I’m talking about the mechanics of rest because it’s hard for me. My natural tendency is to WAKE UP AND DO SHIT UNTIL I DROP.

I had to learn that Resting Bitch Voice a.) exists and b.) can singlehandedly ruin my health when I listen to it.

How many hours of sleep and/or downtime would you get if you allowed yourself to be fully human?

What would regular rest and downtime look like if you let yourself be fully human?

What would you put down, leave behind, stop doing, or start prioritizing from an allowed-to-be-fully-human space?

If all you do in 2022 is learn to rest with less guilt and more joy, YOU’RE FUCKING WINNING.

If you’d like to be supported as you learn to rest, slow down, do less, and generally un-capitalism yourself as much as possible, I invite you to join me at The Imaginarium!

During these live, in-person workshops for the fully vaccinated in Philadelphia, we’ll take a look at every aspect of your life during pandemic. Then, we’ll vote many of the things that keep you burned out and stretched thin off the table so that you have more space for occupying and enjoying your life. Bonus: you’ll have three months after the workshop to form new habits and to explore the world of whatever comes after hustling yourself into the ground. You’ll do this work in the company of myself and up to 6 other rad humans.

To talk with me about attending, hit up and book a call! If you’d like to do this work privately – just me and you in Philly on the dates of your choosing – book a call and ask about Solo.

P.S. Related to learning to rest and find the sweetness even here, in the midst of pandemic: it doesn’t count if you don’t enjoy it.

Don’t You Dare Settle for Fine

We were promised an end to the pandemic with the arrival of vaccinations, and that’s clearly not even close to happening.

What do we do now?

Don’t You Dare Settle for Fine is my answer.

Lemme help you identify both your pandemic feelings and needs in a space that’s full of laughter and the ridiculousness of being a human today.

This LIVE recording of That’s What She Said was made in the company of other humans who risked connection, emotions, and being seen — and it’s FUCKING GLORIOUS.

You can leave ‘fine’ behind with tiny, annoying progress, and you can start doing that shit TODAY.

Once you’ve listened, let me know what you discover!

🔥Book a call to talk with me about whatever you learn.

Questions, comments, ideas, epiphanies to share? Book a call!

P.S. When it comes to pandemic… Put it down.