Even strip clubs go out of business. - Kristen Kalp

Even strip clubs go out of business.

Oh, the strip club.  It’s a simple business model, right?

You provide hot people (or, as in these photos, topless go-go’s) and cold beer at reasonable prices, and wham!  You’ve got a time-honored business model working in your favor.

Strip clubs should be profit MACHINES. But just because you have the prettiest, thinnest, hottest, _____est dancers doesn’t mean people will find you.

You’re nodding your head.  You’re like, ‘duh, Kristen, of COURSE people won’t find out about Crystal Delicious and her miraculous pole-dancing on their own!’

So why do you assume people will find out about your business on their own?

You’re talented, you do great work, you have a website.

And no one cares.

You’re dancing for an empty auditorium.

How do we go about filling that auditorium?

Generate buzz.

If you owned a strip club, you would attempt to generate buzz locally.  Postcards, posters, and business cards shuffling from hand to hand help generate buzz.  That giant dude standing on the corner, passing out pink 4×6″ signs with Crystal Delicious on ’em?  That dude is filling your auditorium.  As an artist, strive to have marketing materials and e-mail newsletters circulating among customers, potential customers, and other businesses AT ALL TIMES.

Differentiate.

That giant dude also knows the power of differentiation.  You’re selling your club, yes, but you’re also pushing Crystal Delicious pretty hard.  No other club has Crystal!  Stand in awe of her upside-down-kerfuffle-lutz moves!  What would a giant dude wearing brass knuckles be pushing on the street corner if those postcards were about your business?  What will make you stand out like Crystal does?

Reward your loyal fans.

George has sent twelve guys to your club in the past month.  Oh, and he’s urging his buddy to book his bachelor party with Crystal.  George needs to be rewarded for his loyalty!  The same goes for the bride who urges two other brides to book, or the Mom who hands out your business cards to her entire preschool!  Get those women some freebies, some special pricing, or a bottle of wine — never forget to reward the people who spread the word about your business to others.

Optimize your web assets. (Heh, I said assets.)

After hitting the local scene, I would hope you’d be a touch tech-savvy and optimize your strip club for search engine placement.  This is a slower build, and people might not find out about Crystal’s pole-dancing right away, but over time and with the right resources you’ll have clients making a trip to your joint as a destination!

Outsource.

Finally, while you’re waiting for your strip club to hit it big, I would outsource wherever possible.  This doesn’t appear to make much sense, because your inclination is to do everything yourself.  But spending four hours cleaning the entire club means you wasted four hours that could have been spent on marketing.  Do you make more money by having clean toilets and no customers, or by having a small cleaning staff and a club packed with people?

…of course, every strip club needs a bouncer

Strip club photos // my own, on film.