It’s hard to know what to talk about right now.
It’s hard for me to pretend that exclusively talking about getting better at business will help you the most, since capitalism is itself a destructive and nefarious force that extracts resources and labor from humans and the planet, no matter the cost.
That’s why today I’m choosing to talk about the places you might find within yourself that are fucking you over in capitalistic ways that we’ve come to accept as par for being alive in Western culture.
I’m going to call this portion of my asshole brain Resting Bitch Voice. It’s like Resting Bitch Face, only this doesn’t just make you look like you’re pissed when you’re in the latest edition of People magazine.
Resting Bitch Voice keeps you tired, overworked, stressed, steeped in martyrdom, and unable to articulate exactly why you feel like a bag of old turds.
Psst! This is an episode of my podcast, That’s What She Said! Listen in below or keep reading for a transcript-ish version.
First and most obviously, Resting Bitch Voice makes you EARN rest.
You can’t just wake up on any given day off and then go right back to bed.
You’re not allowed to wipe everything from your calendar because your body is falling-down tired.
You must keep hustling, pushing, and powering through.
Every day, all the time.
No matter what.
When you manage to stop hustling, pushing, or powering through, RBV will go ahead and shame you for being ‘lazy’ or ‘selfish’ or both.
Resting Bitch Voice will also pipe up about how you’re doing rest WRONG.
It says things like…
Why can’t you do all these tasks on this very long list and THEN rest?
Why can’t you rest MORE PRODUCTIVELY?
Why aren’t you working ahead when you know you have [ENORMOUS LIST OF THINGS] to do next week?
Why is the pandemic STILL making you tired?
Why can’t you just HANDLE YOUR SHIT without having to sleep, chill, ask for help, or unplug?
If and when you manage to ignore each of those questions, it changes tactics.
…I see you’re still attempting to rest.
Let me remind you of each task on your future to-do list every few seconds, thus causing your workload to haunt you indefinitely. GOOD LUCK RESTING NOW, HUNNY!
Ultimately, Resting Bitch Voice continuously conveys that it is NOT OKAY to be human.
It NEVER stops questioning your Very Human Limitations.
You have to eat?
And pee and poop and sleep and move around and talk to other people, too…?
You need to stop working for today?
You need the weekend to recuperate from this week’s work?
Much of learning to rest is learning to disengage from Resting Bitch Voice.
Not to fight with the voice.
Not to negotiate
or argue with or even
entertain the voice.
You can learn to treat Resting Bitch Voice like an inconsequential phone notification, which can dismissed as easily as a random fact you don’t care about showing up on your screen.
::ding::
YOU NEED TO EARN REST
::dismisses with a NOPE::
::removes pants, lies down::
Unfortunately, most of the business-owning peeps I work with are OWNED by Resting Bitch Voice.
While I identify myself as a business coach, much of my work is helping people DISengage from capitalism’s shitty side effects.
Rested people are better able to show up for their lives, their businesses, and their loved ones.
Rested people give the finger to hustle culture by working smarter, not CONTINOUSLY FOR EVERY MOMENT UNTIL DEATH.
Rested people enjoy their lives. (Related: it doesn’t count if you don’t enjoy it.)
Rested people encourage others to rest.
I’m not telling you about Resting Bitch Voice because this is easy work.
Rather, I’m talking about the mechanics of rest because it’s hard for me. My natural tendency is to WAKE UP AND DO SHIT UNTIL I DROP.
But my body is clear about the consequences of not resting.
There was that time my thyroid went down for the count and I learned to make tiny, annoying progress after napping twice before noon for a number of months. There are all the years that I’ve pushed too hard and deepened my own depression.
There is a long list of mental and physical symptoms that appear when I de-prioritize sleep, rest, chill time, down time, and generally not giving a fuck about the internet. (Resting Bitch Voice LOOOOOOOVES Instagram.)
I had to learn that Resting Bitch Voice a.) exists and b.) can singlehandedly ruin my health when I listen to it.
Thus, I’m passing this intelligence along to you.
Whether the roots of your particular RBV are located in capitalism, in your upbringing, in your cultural inheritance, or all three…you don’t have to let it steal rest from you any longer.
Pretend that Resting Bitch Voice has no power over you for the space of the next 3 questions.
Pretend you are no longer bound to the demeaning, Never-Good-Enough voice in your head.
Pretend it can no longer steal your peace or make you wobble through your to-do list far past the point of exhaustion.
How many hours of sleep and/or downtime would you get if you allowed yourself to be fully human?
What would regular rest and downtime look like if you let yourself be fully human?
What would you put down, leave behind, stop doing, or start prioritizing from an allowed-to-be-fully-human space?
FOR REAL THOUGH:
How many hours of sleep and/or downtime would you get if you allowed yourself to be fully human?
What would regular rest and downtime look like if you let yourself be fully human?
What would you put down, leave behind, stop doing, or start prioritizing from an allowed-to-be-fully-human space?
Start there.
If you’d like to let me know what you’re doing to start doing (or stop doing!), drop me a line via k@kristenkalp.com or right here. I’d love to hear which of your Very Human Limitations you’re going to prioritize!
If you’d like my help in bringing your truest work into the world — minus hustle culture and plus rest — talk with me about business coaching! (On the actual phone like it’s 1994!)
🔥Peek at KK on Tap (online) or Solo (in person, Philadelphia), then book your call.
Resting Bitch Voice doesn’t have to steal your time and energy any longer.
May you find the ability to identify and dismiss RBV. Day after day, week after week, until it no longer holds sway over your calendar or identity.
May you learn to put your work down and rest completely.
May you enjoy the fruits of your labors, rather than working constantly to produce even more sweetness that goes untasted.
P.S. It doesn’t count if you don’t enjoy it.
