⚡️Kristen Kalp - Page 2 of 120 - Breathwork, biz coaching, and simple tools to help you navigate your interiors.

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Softness is the secret.

It's possible to lie down, breathe, and rise up knowing far more than you did an hour before. The Softness Sessions will show you how.

My favorite thing about Brene Brown is that she learns things the hard way. When her research provides a finding, she’s the first person to be like, ‘Oh HEEEEELL no.’ She doesn’t like what she finds most of the time, but what she finds makes her a better human, so she implements it into her life. And then life gets better.

Softness is like that.

When I first figured out that softness could be helpful in my life — not a weakness, but an effective way of being — I was pissed.

Psst! This is Episode #200 of the That’s What She Said podcast!

Okay, honestly, I was pissed about pinning wedding dresses and elopement ideas to Pinterest. Five years ago, I was mad that my default feminine bits were all about those frilly dresses and vista views, fantasizing on the internet about a big fancy event.

I’ve since given up the board and again returned to wanting to be where I am, no marriage included, but the strange resentment of my blossoming softness took a while to fade. I was tied to my get shit done bits — the earner, the leader, the action-taker — and wrongly thought that those things would disappear if I treated myself with understanding. I’ve supported people through divorces and addiction and unemployment, and I thought I couldn’t do those things if I was myself: tender and wild and so, so, soft underneath my sharp spiky exterior.

It’s taken five years of consistent reckoning to see that I can take action, earn, and lead without being mean to myself, judging others, or getting caught in society’s be-even-more-productive-before-you-rest trap.

Softness is not a weakness; it’s our only hope for enjoying existence.

I know what you’re afraid of, here, because I was afraid of it, too. You think that if you embrace softness, you’ll never get anything done. You’ll sink into a cushy life without calendars or deadlines, ignoring your responsibilities while you drift away on a unicorn pool floatie with a cooler of fancy beverages. I promise that won’t happen, and I want to be very specific about why those fears are unfounded.

Let’s dive into softness with five lessons I’ve learned about its effects on your life.

During every one of my coaching calls, my peeps and I review the list of to-do’s we cooked up during our last call. It’s a shit show when the work isn’t done. Not because I’m upset, but because my clients think I will be so upset that I will punish them in some way. We spend a lot of time helping them believe that’s not the case, and they are not in any sort of trouble. I’m not going to put a note on their Permanent Record or take away gold stars or stop answering their emails. They can hardly believe it. Why am I being so goddamn KIND?

Punitive action in the face of a setback does no one any favors.

Instead, I ask questions like, Why didn’t the work get done?

Actual answers I’ve heard include:

My father died.

I had a miscarriage.

I have a mysterious medical condition and I’ve been spending all my time at the doctor’s office.

I got engaged and got a puppy in the same month.

I’ve been on crutches for the last three weeks.

My business partner is on maternity leave and I’ve been picking up the slack.

I think I have cancer.

I’m working three jobs and think I need to quit one.

Does any part of you want to punish these people for having life happen to them?

Do we honestly expect people to lose a parent one day and get back to work, no big deal, the next?

Of course not. Of course you extend the love and warmth of a pat on the back and a ‘hey, life happens’ to these lovely humans, and then you adjust the plans accordingly.

To act as if death, disease, hurt, celebration, or the addition of a puppy to your life should happen without any interruption to your email-checking, business-generating calendar is foolish at best and harmful at worst.

Softness extends the same loving, understanding energy we give to others to ourselves.

It means you aren’t beating yourself up, punishing yourself, or otherwise flogging your every move, all day long. You were at the doctor’s office for 8 hours last week, but somehow you should have made up that work day? Bullshit. You need rest.

You were all alone with the kids while your partner traveled, but you should make up for that time by working from the moment they go to bed until 1am? Hell no. You need down time even more when you’re alone with the kids.

Judging yourself doesn’t lead to anywhere interesting, beneficial, or productive. Softness means giving it up.

Beating yourself up for your mental illness, your ailments, your life choices, or your current setbacks sucks all the enjoyment out of life. Asshole brain will feed you the standard lines: you’re useless, awful, fat, lazy, stupid, hideous, delusional, repellent, degenerate, no good, and/or unworthy of being on the planet.

Your believing those lines does no one on the planet any good. Most of all, you.

You cannot bully your way out of mental illness.

Guilting yourself about whatever you’re feeling won’t make it go away.

Asshole brain is trying to create a pile-on effect: if I can take her down in this state, she’ll stay down even longer than usual! But you don’t have to believe asshole brain.

Softness looks like refusing to speak unkindly to yourself in even the most frustrating of circumstances.

You can step into your own interiors and treat yourself as you would treat a beloved three-year-old.

You haven’t gotten off the couch in 6 days? Okay, let’s take a shower.

You’ve been surviving on delivery food and Amazon Prime shipments? Why don’t we take a walk.

You haven’t spoken to another human in 3 days? Let’s phone a friend.

Not ‘you asshole, let’s call Stacey,’ or ‘You stink, fuckface, get in the shower.’ No judgement. No angry name-calling. No unkind adjectives that sound like they’re being made by a rabid football coach. Only a deepening understanding of your own humanity.

You’re not perfect, and asshole brain is upset about that. It may never shut up, but you don’t have to listen to it.

Non-judgement is the real life ‘yes and’ answer to life. (Those improv classes paid off, see?)

Further — and particularly in harrowing circumstances — it might be time to lower the bar.

If you’ve got cancer, now is not be the time to renovate the kitchen, landscape the backyard, start a fitness routine, and triple your business.

Likewise, the addition or subtraction of an individual to or from your family means a lowering of the bar. (Can you travel for 24 out of 30 days when you’re beset with grief, all while writing a novel, keeping up with clients, and returning emails within 3 minutes of their arrival in your inbox? I HOPE NOT.)

Lowering the bar is a realistic, loving way to allow softness into your life.

Maybe those plans go on hold. Maybe you take that dream trip instead of saying ‘someday.’ Maybe you stop paying attention to that white dude on Instagram who’s going to teach you how to be a millionaire in just 14 minutes a day.

Lowering the bar means you plan for what you’re actually capable of doing on any given day and in any given year, which is highly variable based on life circumstances.

Dominant societal systems don’t allow for any variation whatsoever. A friend who works in corporate America is expected to be just as productive on a Friday afternoon in the middle of summer as on a Tuesday afternoon in February. THAT’S NOT REALISTIC. We all know everyone is eyeing the clock, ticking down the minutes until they can speed to their cars and head for the pool!

And you, when you act as if all days should get the same amount of work done? Not realistic.

Your business has cycles, your clients have cycles, your life has cycles. Plan accordingly.

Lest you think this is flippant advice, or me preaching all blah blah blah style: NOPE.

My bar used to be working for eight hours a day, even if there was nothing pressing to be done, working out at Crossfit twice a week while planning my next volunteering trip abroad, all while keeping a book in production and taking on new coaching clients, as well as writing two killer blog posts a week, keeping the house meticulously clean, and traveling the world for speaking gigs.

Over the past five years, I started to be all-the-way-down honest with myself:

Actually, I don’t enjoy Crossfit. It brings out the worst in my spirit over the long term.

My volunteering abroad is not nearly as effective as my sending money to support those already working there, and it lowers my carbon footprint by about a bajillion percent.

I don’t always have a book in me.

Sometimes the house gets dusty.

Speaking takes far more out of me than it gives back, most of the time.

The bar drops when we’re honest with ourselves about our priorities. And, as Maya Angelou said, ‘When you know better, you do better.’ So let’s do better.

Dropping the bar means you’ll actually be able to achieve what you decide to do. But you can only achieve a few things at once.

You can’t run a marathon while being pregnant while attending daily recovery meetings while starting a new business while working a full-time job while raising orphaned squirrels while keeping the toilet meticulously clean. You can’t.

For the past year, my focus was on switching to a year-long model for working with clients, as well as restoring my mental health and writing my next book. One personal goal, two business goals. The bar is low enough for me to reach it, then to create a new one.

The last thing I want is for you to spend years of your life trying to clear a hurdle that a.) doesn’t matter to you or b.) will never be reached. That’s what the world wants, sure — for you to buy a solution that will help you hack the system so that you’ve got 6-pack abs, a magnificent lover, a few million dollars, and enlightenment. Only it never works that way.

Keeping yourself on a treadmill six stories below the bar you’re trying to reach will only lead to frustration and despair.

Likewise, softness doesn’t care where you rank with regards to everyone else.

I once worked with a woman who is now a member of the financial 1% — she’s got an 8-figure business and knows Oprah personally. I should be jealous, right? I should feel like a failure and compare myself to her and freak out about how much I’ve failed?

Nope. I’m slowly, slowly, slowly learning to compare me with myself.

Do I have clear priorities?

Am I making progress?

Am I enjoying the life I’ve got right now while working to shape the contours of my future?

Awesome. That’s all I need.

In practical terms, getting out of the comparison game looks like really good boundaries. I don’t follow or listen to or hear from that person, or any of the people associated with that person, so that I’m not tempted to go down the rabbit hole of comparison.

I’ve unfollowed, ignored, and unsubscribed from everyone who trips my ‘I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE’ triggers. I take notes on my progress and thank Past Me all the time for what Present Me is now enjoying.

Am I a millionaire? No. But have I been working on my credit score? Yes.

Do I have the savings I’ll need to retire at age 38? No. But have I been making regular contributions to my retirement account? Yes.

Softness celebrates progress.

Where have you made progress in your business lately? In your financial habits? In your eating, sleeping, phone-using, or boundary patterns? Where have you changed a habit that you thought would be there forever, even if it took 14 years? Have you learned to distinguish asshole brain from your other thoughts some of the time? Have you unraveled a pattern that you thought would be with you forever?

Take note of your progress, particularly of the internal variety.

This is where we become soft. We accept our humanity and we take on the next challenge without beating ourselves up, making ourselves wrong, or otherwise hammering our best efforts into the ground.

And becoming soft is the goal, internally. You can have rock-hard external muscles and be so brutal to yourself that your best ideas, most incredible theories, and most astounding work will never see the light of day.

To become a safe space for others, which I assume we all want, we have to become a safe space for ourselves first.

We do that through softness, through observing what is, and through relentlessly refusing to dehumanize ourselves or other people.

To recap:

No one is coming to take away your gold stars.
You don’t have to believe asshole brain.
Lowering the bar is a realistic and loving way to allow softness into your life.
Softness celebrates all progress.
Becoming soft internally, so you can pass it along to others, is a worthy goal.

To be clear: softness is not a lack of spine or a refusal to confront wrongdoing. It’s a willingness to do those things without putting up enormous shields, using harmful rhetoric, or flinging around dehumanizing concepts to get people on your side. It’s not a lack of leading but a willingness to lead without harsh punishments and hierarchical power structures.

Softness whispers, ‘I don’t have to be better than you or more powerful than you for us to make rad things happen in the world.’ Its willingness to bend, dance, ebb, and flow makes it a potent solution for many of the world’s ills.

Softness commands your best and wisest self to be present at all times.

If you’re like, ‘But how the fuck do you become soft, Kristen,’ well…I’ve been working on a new thing. Part extremely-personal-podcast, part breathwork, and a book besides, The Softness Sessions will help you step into the wisest spaces within you.

Through extremely dense teachings followed by breathwork, The Softness Sessions will reconnect you with your intuition. They’ll help you defeat asshole brain, lower your own bar, make sense of your internal chaos, and feel the feelings you’ve been boxing up and hiding away for months/years/decades now.

The Softness Sessions // you deserve access to your own intuition. Start here.

I think you need a life in which you’re expanding instead of shrinking;
observing instead of judging;
dancing instead of trying to be invisible and hoping everything gets better.

The Softness Sessions are the perfect jumping-off point for a kinder-to-you internal life. You can find alll the details at thesoft.space.

We start September 19th, and you’ll get a session each week for 6 weeks, as well as an actual book/journal combo in the actual mail. We’ll conclude with a live breathwork session on October 29th.

Frankly, soft humans are gifts to the rest of the world. I’m hellbent on becoming a soft one, and I hope you will be, too.

Again: thesoft.space — check it out and join us!

P.S. Your shame is not interesting.

The Sales, Selling, and Making Bank 6-Pack

When it comes to selling, sales, and generally hopping on board with capitalism, most of our skills don’t come naturally.  No one comes out of the womb making 2-for-1 offers or trying to convince people to get on board with this exclusive one-time promotion.

It’s completely weird to have a skill and get paid for it, and to make work and get paid for it, when the thing the world needs most is the thing we would happily do for free.

I get it, I do.  That’s why this 6-pack shares my selling and making bank wisdom in ways that won’t make you curl into a small ball and hope a meteor hits before you click ‘send’ on that email or ask a potential client to click the buy button.

Enjoy these six podcast episodes (199 more here!), and let me know how they work out for you: k@kristenkalp.com!

I’m revisiting my favorite podcast episodes for the summer, and your support means the world to me!  I suggest paying $10 per 100 minutes of listening. This keeps the podcast sustainable, ad-free, and accessible.  90% of my work is completely free.  The other 10% is breathwork and coaching clients, which is when I use my most potent energies for pay. The podcast is an act of love, of sharing, and of my truest work. Your support means the world to me, and to those who aren’t in a spot to pay for any of it right now.  Donate here.

First, and most importantly: Money Blocks Aren’t Your Problem.

PLEASE don’t spend your hard-earned money on a bullshit money blocks class or course or book when I promise, that shit is NOT the place to begin working through your financial issues.

Where you don’t allow money into your life, there are eight other things I’ll bet you don’t let into your life fully, and the implications of those elements go way further than whether or not you get paid fairly for your work.  Listen in!

Next!  Serve the poet goddess inside you and also accept the wealth that is available to you, homegirl

In this class, we’ll take a deep dive into ways you can receive more money in your life.  Namely, by receiving more of the intangibles that we humans tend to dismiss, shut down, or deem as too vulnerable, like joy and pleasure and a host of quite practical things besides.

Listen in to this episode of That’s What She Said while I break down the receiving spectrum and how to strengthen your receiving muscle if you’re like, ‘YUP I want to serve the muse’ and ‘YUP I’d like to be less broke while doing it.’

Next up: Pay Me, Dammit

Pay Me, Dammit! is a class about money, but it’s really about all the ways money is a stand-in for the ways you’re holding yourself back. We tackle ‘em, together, and then I throw down scripts and techniques that just plain make you dollars.

PLEASE, use the scripts, follow the instructions, and let me know how it goes. When you find $1,000 in your inbox or actually call back that customer or draw better boundaries around your business, I’d freaking LOVE to hear about it! It’s not easy to make the changes that bring in the dollars (see all the reasons mentioned earlier), but when you consciously catch bad habits in action, they lose their power.

Listen inAnd get paid, dammit.

Let’s keep going!  Separate your work from your worth.

The value of your work is dependent upon many factors; some economic, some artistic, and some woven into the fabric of society itself. That’s why tying your work — specifically, the number of dollars it brings in — to the sum total of your worth is bound to disappoint you.

If you’ve ever said, “I’m gonna charge what I’m worth” or “They’re not willing to pay what I’m worth,” stop EVERYTHING and listen in. That’s dangerous talk, and we can untie your work from your worth in this brand new podcast episode.

Your calendar might not seem like the logical starting point for making more money, but give it a go: How to Clear Energy and Plan for the Year Ahead!

This is not a January-only episode, as you can start again any damn time you feel like it.  If you never have time to sell your work, market your work, or finish your projects, THIS is the place to start.

Finally, Show Your Work

Not just your finished work, but your in-progress work.  Your energetic work.  Your planning work, your nearly-done work, and your very-much-still-an-idea work.

What if we made our internal checklists visible to other humans?
What if we changed up the ‘just shut up and be a martyr’ pattern and instead, asked for help?
What if we asked for people to acknowledge our completed tasks, to-do lists, and the many items we accomplish on a daily basis?

Showing your work establishes the value of your offerings, helps you feel better about your pricing (because yes, those 7 hours spent picking the perfect font COUNT, dammit), and gives you endless stuff to show off on social media, too.

P.S. Stay on it.  (Bonus #7 of the 6-pack!  Selling is boring, repetitive, and often feels like throwing the same seeds into the same garden, hoping something will take root.  That’s NORMAL.  Promise.)

The Woo and Taboo 6-pack.

This six-pack of podcasts focuses on The Taboo and The Woo. (Other 6-packs include: rad humans and seemingly obvious but hard-earned wisdom.)

First up: The Taboo!

Did you fail to have healthy adult relationships modeled for you ’cause you grew up in a broken AF household, or was that just me?

Let’s talk about sex, the body, and being at home with yourself. I’ll start by talking about how I was basically a walking brain carrier until age 31, and then share the steps I took to learn how to actually inhabit my body. (No that’s NOT taught to us, and no you’re NOT weird for not being able to do it. ::high fives to all those who read books for the entirety of summer instead of learning how to do bodily things::)

Kim Anami talks about becoming a well-fucked woman in this podcast episode, and if you dig it you might dig her course of the same name.

The Sex Episode talks about the ways all things sexual play out in my life as of right now, after years of working with Kim, and The Cannabis Episode is a good time for anyone looking to experiment with weed. (Yes, that weed.)

And now: The Woo!

Being labeled as ‘woo woo’ can feel like a death sentence or a loss of intellectual ground — but talking about The Woo is a deeply healing, freeing, and connection-building experience for everyone involved.

I came out of the spiritual closet to talk about all the spiritual habits, experiences, and practices that make up my life, and it’s so vulnerable that I cry three times.

Okay, but, how does that matter in everyday life? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE if you’re connected with your own spiritual center and your interiors?

It. Makes. A. Big. Difference.

When you’re connected to your own interiors, you’re already on the way to getting anywhere you want to go. (Without manifesting because The Law of Attraction is no friend of mine.) If you loathe templates, 6-part programs, and step-by-step instructions but would still like to feel as if you’re making progress in life, this is the podcast for you.

Finally, there’s energetic growth. You can get bigger as a human soul, and this analogy makes it simple to understand: kittens versus elephants.

P.S. If you find yourself with summer downtime — and therefore summer scroll time — Space could be the answer!  This 21-day email course helps you reduce phone usage by 25 to 75 percent.

“When I started, the Moment app said I spent 30% of my waking life on the phone and now it’s down to 16%!” — Karisa Deculus

“Unsubscribed from 15 companies and deleted 4,795 emails.” — Angie D.

“…the best thing is there are moments through the day where I didn’t know exactly where my phone is and that’s a new experience for me. It is so freeing and it actually makes space as you promised it.” — Barbara Pacejka

“Unsubscribed from 30 emails across 3 inboxes! This was great. Part way through I realized that I’ve never really thought consciously about how I organize information about things I *actually* want to participate in.” — Wangene Hall

Promo code SUMMER brings the price of Space to $34.50.  Get it!